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dair5
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dair5
3,371 posts
Shepherd

Yeah, I usally write poems when I feel strongly about something. It's easier to express myself though vauge symbols rather than by actually talking about it with other people. So heres some poetry I wrote to express my feelings. Feel free to read and I always appreciate any feedback, tips, comments or questions you have.

Concrete Domain

I lock myself in a land known only by me.
There I hold onto whatever I have left.
I wish that my wall of apathy will hold.
I hope that it protects me from whatever wants me dead.
This nice home of concrete is where I lay my head.

Itâs been a while since Iâve ventured into the woods.
I see no need to. I have my concrete domain.
Rough and sturdy, it protects my thin skin.
A skin that gets thinner every day.

Even I can tell that the wall will break.
Yes, I know that apathy is no stronger than paper.
I tell myself it is concrete, because I am scared.

The wind is strong, and my wall is weak. My skin never grows stronger.
Soon the walls will come crashing. The wind will slice at my skin.

A deep wound will scar my skin. It means that I have grown stronger.


I started this poem for the poetry contest, then dropped it in the middle after a lose of inspiration, then picked it back up and gave it love. It turned it that, and I'm really hoping that everying stays in it's proper line. It worked on microsoft word but it's looking iffy here.

  • 4 Replies
Salvidian
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Salvidian
4,170 posts
Farmer

I enjoyed it. A word of advice: subtlety is nice. Don't blatantly spew out what you're trying to say, but let the reader figure it out. Don't say, "I am scared," or "It means that I have grown stronger."

Your formatting was a little messed up, but it looks like you know that already.

dair5
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dair5
3,371 posts
Shepherd

I enjoyed it. A word of advice: subtlety is nice. Don't blatantly spew out what you're trying to say, but let the reader figure it out. Don't say, "I am scared," or "It means that I have grown stronger."


Thanks, I can definitly see how it would have more of an impact on people if I didn't say what I meant as much, and maybe used more symbols to replace those. Is that what you meant?

Here's another poem I wrote, a little while ago. I've tried to find certain people to show, but I had trouble doing so... It's not really very subtle, it's more simple. But I think it helps by leading into certain parts that give more to think about.

Everlasting Search for the Lost Boy

Iâm looking for myself.
Itâs become my daily ritual.
Every day I search in vain.
I wake up with hope Iâll find myself.
Except I never have, and maybe never will.

When I find myself Iâll kill him for running.
Heâll be killed for being a coward.
For running from me, from you, from life.

When I find myself Iâll hug him.
Iâll tell him I love him,
That I could barely live without him.
And that Iâm not sure if I can live with him.

When I find myself Iâll hate myself.
When I find myself Iâll love myself.
So I canât find myself,
Because itâs too hard to hate someone you love.
So I sit inert, and imagine,
I pretend Iâm tracking myself.
I pretend Iâm getting one step closer.
I pretend Iâve found myself.
As my eyes open to empty hands
I weep tears of joy, and smile in pain.
I havenât found myself yet,
So I canât tell him how I feel.
This just means another day.
Another day to pretend,
To run from the real
And lose myself in writing.
dair5
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dair5
3,371 posts
Shepherd

La Sima

The top is the home of the strong and the brave.
The top is where only the winner may reside, in all his love and glory.
The top is home to both the humble and the smug.
For many the top is where theyâd most want to be.
Many would love to look down on others from the top.
To gloat to those who said they wouldnât make it
Or to join the elite who already have.
There are many tops, filled with elites of every kind.
But thereâs one in particular Iâve chased all my life
And now, I never want to see it again.
This top is filled with people I donât like.
They donât want me to join; they just expect that I should.
This is a top that was once a part of me that I left long ago.
Everyone expects me to struggle back to the top.
They laugh and stare at the boy who always only half way there.
They talk behind my back as if I canât understand.
âThe topâ they say, as if it was a magical land.
And once I get there Iâll be Lord of the Flies.
I didnât need to get there to realize the truth
I struggle to climb to a top I donât care about
For people who I donât care about, and who donât care about me.
Iâd rather fall than reach this top.
I donât know where Iâll fall to or how hard Iâll hit the ground
But anything is better than making it to the top.


Mute

What are you doing?
Nothing!
Let me see. Oh. Are you stupid? Asks him
No⦠Says me
Well than would you choose this way out of all the others?
I donât think I get what you meanâ¦
You could talk someone, anyone. Why did you have to do that instead?
⦠I canât really tell him you know. After all, that is the problem.
I know you donât feel like talking, so what do you think this will do?
Well, if I write these maybe heâll see and itâll help him understand.
Maybe âheâllâ see? Who exactly is he?
He is you, I mean, heâs me.


The first one was written in a sort of rantish mindset.

dair5
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dair5
3,371 posts
Shepherd

Zed

The zombie apocalypse.
Everyone I know already infected.
They've been scraping along for ages
Wishing they'd rot away.

The zombie apocalypse.
Where we find people attacking others
Because their skin may not be as green
Or their brains are too sharp.

I don't see an end to these attacks.
Even with humans gone they feast on each other.
In a world full of zombies who bears the name "monster"?
I am the real zombie, put into light.
To be gawked at by humans who don't understand
How a monster feels when it's shamed.




I wrote this for first line poetry. Immediantly after submitting it I decided it was horrible and needed to be changed.

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