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GhostOfHorror
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GhostOfHorror
889 posts
Nomad

Just gonna be a collection of my poems, short stories, ect.

Something I wrote in school

Dusk To Dawn

As darkness falls, onto my soul,
Energy faded, absorbed and stole,
Why am I here? What's my final goal?
Will I dig myself out of this hole?

As the sun arises, I begin to climb,
Out of the ashes, pain and grime,
Standing tall, this is my time,
I've realized why I'm alive.

Will try to do daily updates, not sure how long I can live up to that, though, balancing school and whatnot.

  • 2 Replies
Blackbeltr0
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Blackbeltr0
769 posts
Jester

Will try to do daily updates, not sure how long I can live up to that, though, balancing school and whatnot.


Lived up to that about... 1 post, man i want some more, GOOD STUFF>
pangtongshu
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pangtongshu
9,808 posts
Jester

Lived up to that about... 1 post, man i want some more, GOOD STUFF>


Wow..gigantic necro..6 months. And spam on top of that.."Good stuff" is not a constructive response

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Anyways..although he probably won't see it (due to having not been on in some time)..I think a good way to improve the poem is, for lines 1, 2, 6, & 7..instead of having them separated by commas, have them in parenthesis. This sets them apart from the rest of the line, while still keeping them connected...and also makes those parts more of thoughts (which, in my opinion, they would work much better as) that are being slipped in by the author for effect and emphasis
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