Hey all, I'll be judging the theme Sliver of Silver with Emp's permission. Aside from this new trek, I've only judged the ASC which obviously isn't a language competition. If you find any fault in my judging, please let me know; if not for the benefit of me, but for the benefit of you in case I ever judge here again. For those of you who know me personally, I'm punctual with judging but I'm not very punctual with anything else, so expect judgings on the day-of-deadline when I'm in charge.
Everyone up to par with that now? Good. Let's start then.
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Devoidless
At first glance the story read like the opening to a a generic action movie: guy discovers conspiracy, guys gets murdered, resulting stuff happens; however, when the line Derik can't help but feel uneasy for two reasons came up, I was immediately pulled into a paradoxical, conspiratorial and cliffhanging miniplot. After the story ended, I couldn't help but feel an emptiness - a lack of fulfillment. I went back and read it again, only this time I noticed the Public Security server provides omens. Albeit that might not seem like such an important tidbit, but this one important tidbit in that this "Public Security" organization is being somewhat hypocritical by preventing crimes by causing them themselves. Why is an organization entitled "Public Security" resorting to such rash punishments so quickly? Very thought provoking indeed! As for structure, the story is built generically, which was a bit disappointing. The only place where structure delivered excitement was in the page break between "and..." and "Derik". In itself was a phenomenal structural technique, but I wish the story had been worded more so to provide a little showing instead of outright telling. Nevertheless, the ending helped make up for that flaw by leaving everything at such a thought provoking position. Finally, that last blow to Derik via the "Sliver of Silver" bullet wrapped the story up nicely while using the theme in a nicely incorporated area.
aknerd
Alright, I gotta say this before anything: almost immediately after reading the story the first time, it was obvious that alliteration was an ally for you. The proper nouns all start with S, the majority of adjectives start with S, and in that final catharsis the theme radiated a gleaming light of alliteration. I enjoyed that because it helped the story flow greatly. As for the actual content, this story reminded me of all those college commercials wherein the world is motion at 10 times the speed relative to the talent. Considering the fact that this story has a second theme of loneliness and isolation, that did nothing but paint the picture that much more vividly. I have to admit, and this could either be my or the author's fault, but I had to read the story three times before getting a grasp on what was seriously going on. At first, I thought everyone was good and she was bad, and she was an outcast; but a sacrifice of some kind. The second time I sympathized with her; isolation sucks; however, I could not feel any type of emotion for the Shells. Finally, when I read that catharsis the third time, it hit me. I had an epiphany (Well, maybe not quite that drastic) and everything came together nicely. The use of the theme didn't fit so well together as I had hoped because it was used as a loose metaphor; how can everything be a sliver of silver in a moment like that?
Storm
First impression: nice set up for a Sci-Fi flick. Unfortunately, that also means the themes, "abandonment, forgetfulness, desperation and disrepair" remind me of cliche. But you took those themes and you mixed them together in a swirling vortex of originality. This "Nothing" sounded like a unrelenting, inevitable, horrifying fate, and his poor space-miner had to endure its last moments by looking at slivers of silver; the final treasure, the blue sky on execution day, or what have you. In fact, the use of theme was, in the content aspect, great. I felt like some of the conflicting elements should have added more to the story: the recurrent theme of "youngsters" didn't seem to have enough significance to make it worth mentioning, which led your story to be kind of wordy. As this is a tragedy by definition, I expected a great catharsis. Sure, the emotional cleansing was there, but it wasn't very climatic. It was also too sudden; Nothing just popped up into this dreamy, enjoyable story and pulled it into a halt. Nevertheless, the ending was still gripping.
Reton8
I'm somewhat hesitant to say this because it's so blunt, but until the final paragraph I was bored. Sure, it was detailed, but I felt like there was too much dialogue compacted into a little space - like watching several movies in a row. It's difficult to pay attention to each tidbit of detail, and the fact that there was little action plot it was hard to follow. However, I must admit that the first two paragraphs were simply worded enough to the point of being understandable in a general sense. Even if someone skimmed it they'd undoubtedly be able to get the gist of it. The final paragraph was actually interesting (No offense intended, of course). It sounded like a commentary of our current society today: I know very little how my iPhone works, nor do I know much about how the Mars Rover works. We're still an unenlightened people, and it's always interesting to hear others' perspective and fates if they continue a path similar to ours (Even if fictional). I won't beat you up over the theme. :P
Winner: Devoidless!
Despite some of the flaws that were evident in the piece, I had the most fun reading through Devoidless' entry. His tragic catharsis reflected the theme most marvelously; that moment that sealed Derik's fate was not only one that held a lot of emotion, but it was also one that made a fantastic transition from the end of the story to the after thoughts.
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Next theme: Ample Answers
Due date: ???
Judge: ???
