Chapter 1
Part 9: The Scoutâs Arrival
Mino climbed the mountainside with a blustering heave. He was freezing his arse off, his labcoat was ripped slightly, and he had blood running down his cheek from a previous encounter with a mountain goat. The crystal ball was tucked firmly under his crotch. Minotaurs have always had a great reputation of creating fixations for toddlers currently in the phallic psychosexual stage of development, or so says Sigmund. Think horses. As a result, that area made for a great place to conceal things.
The beast found a nice alcove to sit on and ponder with for awhile. He bent over and saw his delightful little plane-- or at least the make-up of it. After doing some quick calculations in his head, he decided he was about 2 miles above sea level. [Of course, sea level means an entirely different thing here, as opposed to the world in which you, the reader, are familiar with.] Turning and looking up, there was probably another mile or so to go before finally reaching the entrance.
âGREATâ he exclaimed.
He pressed his large body up against the mountainside before trekking farther on. A rebellious little prick of a rock jutted into his frontal Freudian area, releasing the crystal ball into a drop. The ball rolled off the alcove and within seconds was out of sight.
âSON OF A ****ING *****.â
He ran to the side and looked. Nothing. Nothing but gray clouds and a few hundred feet of vertical rock. There wasnât even a single bit of mountainside where the ball wouldâve had a chance to land on. And besides that, it probably shattered into a million pieces anyway. Mino decided to lay down and relax for awhile. The poor thing had to work some things out in his head.
A few moments later, there was a fleeting of rocks followed by a prompt âouchâ. Mino sat up to inspect the accident, whereupon he found a very odd-looking man sitting on the alcove, surrounded by rocks.
âToo bad I canât go down a mountain as well as I can go up.â
The character standing before him looked like a small child, around the age of 6 or 7. He was wearing a very strange costume: a metal helmet, metal chainbody, and some pantlegs made of, you guessed, it metal. He was sitting on his tush holding the crystal ball, no less.
âHey, whereâd you get that?â
âWhy, it bopped me on the noggin, good sir. I was trekking heartily about amongst the rocks when I was surprised by this astonishing object.â
The little man stood up. There was no way he was older than 10.
âWell, give me it!â
The knight turned and looked off the alcove. He stood there for a minute until depressingly saying, âI was going to, until you yelled at me. I even knew you were the fellow who dropped it.â
âOkay, Iâm sorry. Can I please have it?â
The knight turned and looked in his direction. âI will bestow this fabulous prize upon you under one circumstance.â
Mino sighed. âWhat?â
The little knight walked over to Mino. He pushed the ball into his chest.
âYou have to be my friend.â
The two had been climbing for several hours when the knight broke the silence. âNot that Iâm particular, but where is it you intend upon going?â
Mino was about ten feet below the knight, struggling to climb. He had been exhausted by the steep climb and yet another mountain goat. After catching his breath for a moment, âI... need... I gotta get to top... of moun... mountain...â
The knight turned his body and looked down. âWhatâs up there that hath grabbed thee attention?â
Mino battled his breath again. âEvil... eng... evil Penguins... take ov... take over world... if not... stop... stopped...â
A gasp. âYouâre off to battle the forceful Penguin army!? Why, good fellow, you should have simply said that!â
âW...what?â
The knight let go of the rock and landed on Minoâs head. He was fairly light, despite his heavy armor. He grabbed Minoâs goat beard and, astonishingly, flew up and up and up, without the need of holding onto anything.
âHOOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYY CRAAAAAAAAP!â
In a matter of a few quick seconds, the two were facing the metal gated entrance. The beast was lying on the ground puking his guts out and the knight was inspecting the gate.
âHmm. What we need here is a good Shalvinzinger.â
Mino was still on the ground, fighting his breath and trying to stop puking. âWhat the heck is that?â
âA Shalvinzinger is a tool used to open things. I do believe you have one en tu cuerpo.â
âEhh, what?â
The knight ran over to Mino, picked him up with what seemed to be great ease, and ran towards the door with Minoâs head jutted forward.
âWhat the hell are you doing!?â
In a shocking brightness of pain, the metal gate exploded open. Mino went blind for a few seconds, whereupon he awoke to find blood everywhere.
âOoo... My poor noggin...â
The cavern was very dark. A wall of light shown from the outside.
âCome, my new brother, we must venture forward!â
The knight, yet again, picked up the wounded warrior and ran into the darkness. They ran for what seemed to be hours when in reality it was probably a mere few minutes. The darkness seemed to exaggerate everything. The pain from his head had exploded, for which Mino gave credit to plasticity and the balance of the senses.
âHey, can we maybe stop and patch my head up!?â
The knight was panting very hard. âIâm sorry, but we must get there quickly!â
Mino moaned for the rest of the ride.
In the distance they finally saw a bright light. âI believe weâve arrived, sir!â
âFinally...â
The bright light hit them like a rockstarâs hangover. The knight continued to run, despite his blurring of sense. âWe must keep going!â A moment later, a large crash. Mino lay on the floor blinded by the pain and light. From the light, a strangerâs voice called. âWell, what have we here? Heh, heh, heh.â
The beast woke up with a terrible headache. Well, he didnât necessarily wake up per se. He just woke up and kept his eyes closed. He was lying on something very hard and cold. He thought he could feel condensation rising from the surface, which made him think he was lying on ice. There was a machine running somewhere. It sounded like some sort of engine, and it made the ground shake. The whole room was very, very cold. It made him shiver.
âWhere am I!?â he called.
The strangerâs voice called again. âWhatâs with all the freaking intruders lately? You guys are giving my lab a run for its money, Iâm telling ya.â
The voice called from a darkened corner filled with stalagmites.
âWho are you!?â
A snicker. âNone of your darned business.â
âWell, erm, let me out of here!â
Mino pulled his leg forward, but he was chained to the ground.
âWhat kind of operation do you have going here!?â
A grunt. âThe only operation we have going here is your soon doom. Unless you have something for me, I suggest you prepare yourself.â
He remembered the ball.
âActually, I do have somethingâ he said with a matter-of-fact attitude. âCome here and Iâll give it to you.â
âOh, do you?â
The person walked out of the shadows, which were created by a dim lightbulb hanging from the ceiling, and into the light. He was, quite literally, a Penguin.
âItâs one of you!?â
âIf by âone of youâ you mean a Penguin, why yes.â A pause. âNow what is it you have to give me?â
Mino stared for a second.
The Penguin walked forward. âWill I need gloves for this?â he said grotesquely.
âThey would help both you and me.â
The Penguin sighed. âThe one day I donât bring any to the Cave of Doom. Oh well.â
Mino laid down on his back. âCome here, and get what it is you desire.â
The Penguin proceeded forward. âWhere is it?â
âUnder my, shall we say, frontal Freudian area.â
The Penguin made a gesture as if he was going to puke. âYouâre kidding, right?â
âNo, sir. Come and get it while itâs hot!â
The Penguin walked forward. Once he was within reaching distance, Mino gave him a harsh kick in the stomach. Because of his Penguin body, he rocked back and forth a little bit before falling atop Mino. He puked all over his gnarled labcoat.
âWell isnât that just great.â
Mino reached between the Penguinâs ankles because he knew thatâs where they kept stuff. Surely enough, he found a pair of keys. Before the Penguin could sit back up, he freed himself and ran out of the doorway.
Outside, there were a billion buzzing contraptions and there were Penguins everywhere. They scampered forward, but many of them scampered so quickly they fell over. It was a sad sight, really. Without paying much more attention, Mino pulled the map out of his FFA and examined it. He ran around corridors, dodging the failing Penguins, until he finally reached the door. He typed the appropriate password and the door opened.
Outside was his army.
