This thread will be used as a forum for me to post some of my stories, poems etc. The purpose of this thread is not only to be a creative outlet but, to also be a place where people can tell me their opinions and provide any ideas/constructive criticisms they might have. I think that this website, and the Art, Music, and Writing forum have a great deal to offer in the area of semi-peer review, and up until now, this has been my greatest resource in improving my writing. Thus, read if you please, comment if you please, and please if you please.
This is a story I started last night. I will write it as a short story, and then extend it into a novel eventually. Beware, the rate at which these installments come, and their size, will vary greatly.
The Wight Vestibule
The Smell of the air was pungent. Scented by the opening flowers of the bush he crouched behind. It wafted and swirled in front of his face, forcibly entering his nostrils. A bead of sweat rolled down his already glistening tan forehead. This was the same, he thought. The humidity, the smell, the feeling of the highly polished wooden blade handle in his hand. The same. The only difference was the positioning of the stars in the sky but, who could stop the planet from spinning? "Note to self, figure out how to stop rotation of planets." The words slipped off of his tongue and out of his mouth inaudibly. Stop. Concentrate, he thought. He closed his eyes, the same, the hunt, the kill. As he repeated these words in his mind, something changed. His foliage shelter began to wilt. The newly opened flowers dimmed and fell, spinning toward the ground like tiny self propelled helicopters. The same, the hunt, the kill. As the bush languished further, a dimly glowing ball of light manifested in front of him. After a few moments, the bush was dead and the floating, now iridescent ball was glowing brightly. "Okay." He imagined a face, one he was sure he had never seen. Though, the face was not entirely unfamiliar, it was actually an amalgam of mentally cataloged features of faces he had seen before. He had to see every detail. He saw a neck, short and thick. Then shoulders, slightly broader than his. Next he imagined arms, bulky and packed with muscle. Lastly, a similarly strong torso and legs. "Got it." The glowing ball spread out in front of him, flattening. It hovered into position over his head, and elongated oval. Then the flat sheen engulfed his body from top down. Now a luminous sheath, the man enclosed within, the light metamorphosed one last time. "That's it." He stood up, a new man, so to speak. His appearance was now that of an ugly, thick necked, musclebound brute. He smiled, "Time to go to work."
I forgot to mention some things, or more specifically, some qualifiers about the above post. I have yet to edit it, so there are some structural issues that I have already identified that will be fixed. Secondly, I'd like to apologize for not breaking up the paragraphs with some spaces, as it would appear neater and easier to read that way. The next installment will be...whenever, but for now have at it everyone. I hope you enjoy . Also, I'll post some other stuff soon.
In reference to your last post Moab, the next installment of Wight Vestibule will be posted tonight.
Here is a cinquain I wrote a while back. There are three different formats for them so, if you have an issue look them up and you will understand mine. The title is aptly "Sun.
Sunlight Warm, silver Piercing, melting, scorching Emanating life as heat and light Starlight
I have a tendency to make each line merge into one big lump of a poem, rather than four lines with different meanings. I should start doing so, like you did just there.
Right before I was about to post the second segment of the story Wight Vestibule, I realized it is pretty graphic. Thus, I asked our dear mod strop to help me with this issue and preview it to confirm it was not too graphic. He has yet to get back to me. So here is a poem I wrote a good while back. I am bad at naming things so this one doesn't have a title yet either...and it was actually a song. And I sort of took out the chorus and broke down the verses into stanzas, removed some of the old verses and added a few new ones for cohesion. I can't share the melody with you and this is saddening as the melody along with the phrasing made it one of the best songs I've ever written. Oh well.
One flash of life and then, Watch it around the bend, Against the wind, one empty hand, Stars above like grains of sand.
Outside the crashing waves, Like lunatics they rave, Upon the wind they resonate, Ancient tunes decree our fate.
Now thrust into this world, A litany unfurled, Of sounds and sights, of love and pain, Hopefully your life will contain, Happiness and joyous things, Some of which I might bring, Oh son I await your face, To gracefully enter this place.
Very nice. Although there is a line that falls out: "A litany unfurled" Perhaps an adjective going in there might make it fit a bit better. Still, I liked it a lot! Representative to your son being born?
Very nice. Although there is a line that falls out: "A litany unfurled" Perhaps an adjective going in there might make it fit a bit better. Still, I liked it a lot! Representative to your son being born?
I thought others might think this, which is why it is better as a song. "A litany unfurled" obviously fits the rhyme scheme, but, for the song it is more importantly syllabically the same as the corresponding lines in the other stanzas. This was extremely important to the aforementioned point about phrasing I made. As it became a poem, after being a song, I broke the pattern of syllables with the last stanza, though not at that part. It was 6,6,8,7, until the last stanza which is longer and it became 6,6,8,8,7,6,7,8. It was a bit more poemy for me, and also in keeping with the phrasing I originally planned for it as a song. But, yes, being that I presented it as a poem I could see how one could think that line falls out.
Pickle! I demand you change your armatar back this instant, young man! That's my armatar! Just kidding. So...has the next part been cleared to go yet? Anyways...good stories.
Go for it you 12 soon to be 13 year old bastard...I know, I know, you are more talented than me, SO WHAT?!?!?! Just kidding, of course, you are more talented than me but, the purpose of this thread is to get opinions I can value and criticism I can work with so have at it young one.
Pickle! I demand you change your armatar back this instant, young man! That's my armatar! Just kidding. So...has the next part been cleared to go yet? Anyways...good stories.
A NEW AND IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALLL!!!! The second installment of my story "Wight Vestibule" has been deemed by the guys/gals upstairs (being strop and a few other mods he convened with) is too graphic and adult for this website. Those of you who are my pals will be receiving emails with this portion of the story attached...be warned though, I know some of you are young and I asked the mods about this piece for a reason. It is really graphic. I don't want to upset anyone, so please consider this before asking for the second part. However, the story must go on. I don't anticipate any parts like that for quite some time in the story so, I will continue to post it here minus of course the second installment.
Any one else, after reading the stories, and then reading the thread name, get really hungry?
Pickle, good stories man, to bad they made me hungry. :P
Thanks so much Soulhack. I believe you have a thread that I have perused and I enjoy very much. Also, you are the only person who is not already a pal of mine on the site to say something in this thread. This fills me with joy.
In conclusion, tomorrow will be more poetry, and possibly installment three of "Wight Vestibule". I also may post the beginnings of another story I started writing a long time ago, but I don't know. THANKS!!
Go for it you 12 soon to be 13 year old *******...I know, I know, you are more talented than me, SO WHAT?!?!?! Just kidding, of course, you are more talented than me but, the purpose of this thread is to get opinions I can value and criticism I can work with so have at it young one.
I nevah said that D:
CC coming in the morning. I'm too tired tonight for constructive criticism.
