ForumsArt, Music, and WritingWorth fighting for

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Healmeal
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Healmeal
1,941 posts
Nomad

Besides writing a few articles about the battle for stalingrad for school, I've never really done much of a story. I thought I'd give it a chance though, but do know it's my first piece ever. I just thought of it and wrote it, and this is what I currently have. If you people like it, I might consider a next part.


The year 3483, of the second era - A year, full of mystery, a year, full of songs of heroes, and a year full with battle.

Not long ago, 45 days now, the town of Libonas was besieged. Unfortunatly, it was not a common foe the true kingdom was fighting against. It were not the usual orcs they fought. No, not this time. This time, it were the malformed

The malformed, as they're called, for having a rotten hide and misshaped legs, have the ability to cling to any surface, and to make things worse, they have insect-like wings on their backs, which can carry them a few metres high and far. Luckily, those wings are too weak to fly far. They host colonies of fungus in their bodies that provides a number of benefits, of which, the sticky slimy substance that makes them cling to the walls. Their gods are said to be dead or have fled this world. They were usually neutral in the wars, but suddenly, they turned against us. They haven't seen much war yet, but they appear to be extremely aggressive, and great weaponsmiths. They have no armor though, for that would harm both the fungus, and the ability to fly.

Exactly 45 days ago now, it was the first time they were seen waging war. Unfortunatly, their first victims were the humans of the true kingdom. They besieged the settlement of Itosas, lying on the border of the true kingdom and the kingdom of the deformed. The guard there never stood much of a chance. Most of the peasants were enslaved, others, are still being tortured. There were a few survivors who fled, of which Onrroth. Onrroth was a militia soldier, butfled without fighting. He ran, as hard as he could, to the backgate. Noone could blame him for running away, after seen what he had seen. Once he reached it, he opened the backgate, but a small band of deformed was waiting behind the gate to kill everyone who would flee. A few peasants took their chance, grabbed something blunt or sharp, and attacked the deformed. This gave Onrroth the chance to flee. He did not look back, he only ran, terrified and never to come back

Finding Refugee in the city of Xanunor, Onrroth found work as a guard in one of the many taverns in Xanunor. In return, he was allowed to get some food, a little bit gold and a bed in the tavern from the propietor. Besides getting rid of the drunks in the tavern, Onrroth gained alot of friends by telling jokes in the tavern. It was there, where he met Banther, a man who had a pretty high position in the city. Banther was working as an advisor of Arkim, a general of the true kingdom. One day, it wasn't Banther that visited Onrroth, but it was General Arkim. Apperently, Banther suggested onrroth as an able soldier to Arkim, as Arkim invited Onrroth personally to join his personal army. Feeling sorry for running away from the Deformed before, Onrroth wanted to clear his name again. He took this chance, and from that day, he was a soldier serving the small army Arkim was leading.

  • 16 Replies
Parsat
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Parsat
2,180 posts
Blacksmith

Hmm...include a dramatis personae? Any notes about your particular universe that you'd like to make?

Healmeal
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Healmeal
1,941 posts
Nomad

Well, I haven't made one fully yet, but I was thinking of those 2 things already. But I first wanted to know whether is was okay or if I should quit immidiatly. I was thinking of including some kind of map with all the kingdoms on it, and about the dramatis personae, I have a few characters in mind, but I'm not willing to work those out just yet. I first want to know if I should continue my story or not :P

MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,386 posts
Shepherd

You should! It would be very interesting. You are waaayyyy too vauge though, and I realize that it is because you won't continue unless people like it. I also have some story floating around here with my idea in it. I just don't have time to finish it. You should really continue this.
Are they just called "the deformed" and what is this True Kingdom? Are you making an entirely new world? is it set in the medivial times? what do the characters look like?
As soon as you get your ideas together, meld it into something that resembles a story okay? I like this idea, and if you don't finish something about, I might just take your idea. with a few modifacations of course ;P

Healmeal
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Healmeal
1,941 posts
Nomad

You should! It would be very interesting. You are waaayyyy too vauge though, and I realize that it is because you won't continue unless people like it. I also have some story floating around here with my idea in it. I just don't have time to finish it. You should really continue this.
Are they just called "the deformed" and what is this True Kingdom? Are you making an entirely new world? is it set in the medivial times? what do the characters look like?
As soon as you get your ideas together, meld it into something that resembles a story okay? I like this idea, and if you don't finish something about, I might just take your idea. with a few modifacations of course ;P


Well thanks then, I will resume when I have some time left.
I am indeed planning on making a whole new world. Like I said, I'm planning on making (or someone else making) a map about it, showing all the kingdoms etc. It's somewhat medieval yes, aswell. About the characters, I think I will describe them slowly in the story itself.
MoonFairy
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MoonFairy
3,386 posts
Shepherd

Alrighty, well just drop a comment on my profile telling me when you have updated it! I will be sure to read it Can't wait!

Parsat
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Parsat
2,180 posts
Blacksmith

It sounds a lot like the fiction I've had in my mind based on Monsters' Den for a while, but I'd like to read more.

Healmeal
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Healmeal
1,941 posts
Nomad

Alrighty, well just drop a comment on my profile telling me when you have updated it! I will be sure to read it Can't wait!


Will do!

It sounds a lot like the fiction I've had in my mind based on Monsters' Den for a while, but I'd like to read more.


Will notify you when It's done

Every time I scroll down the page and see this thread that song "Worth Fighting For" always pops into my head...


Don't know it hehe. I just like fiction about ... Won't say as It will be a spoiler to the plot :P
Nic1227
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Nic1227
10 posts
Nomad

This story seems like it could be really great, given that you lend it the proper attention. I understand why you're being quite vague in this introductory piece, but you definitely want to elaborate extensively when writing things like to be able to paint the picture in the mind of the reader. I consider myself a pretty good writer, so let me know if you have any questions or need ideas!

I'm personally working on outlining an idea for some sort of novel. I'll be posting the beginning chapter to my book sometime tonight. Let me know what you think, and maybe we could help each other out!

Healmeal
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Healmeal
1,941 posts
Nomad

I know the story's introduction is vaque, but quite as planned. I wanted to describe the characters a bit slowly further on.

I've also decided I will, if I have the time (since I got exams monday) to continue writing this weekend. I'm low on time though.

And I will read it ASAP nic

Devkon
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Devkon
14 posts
Nomad

I look forward to the next part.

Healmeal
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Healmeal
1,941 posts
Nomad

The second part. Hope you guys like it!


Onnroth was doing pretty well. He fought in some minor skirmishes, and earned quite some gold and trust. He was promoted to captain and gained a gold bonus from Arkim. Feeling like he could use a few new things, he walked through the city of Xanunor. The city was known for it's high walls and statues, but there were alot of fountains aswell. It was the semi biggest city in the whole kingdom. It's people were skilled armourers and merchants, making the city prosper. After arriving at a smith, he checked for a new shield and some new mail armor. A certain shield caught his eye. "Ah, the shield of the Unwielding, that is," the smith said when he saw Onrroth looking at it. The shield, a kite shield, with the emblem of the ancient city of Ethia, the city of the 7 long lost knights, was made of the most durable steel Onrroth had ever seen. "It was the shield of the knight Bilinu, the knight known to be master of the axe." The smith said to put some pressure on Onrroth. "How much do you want for it?" Onrroth asked interested. "2000 gold coins, it's well worth it!" The smith said. "2000? Are you mad?" Onrroth replied suprised. "It is an ancient shield, and nobody ever made a better shield than the 7 shields of Ethia." The smith explained. "I don't have that much ..." Before Onrroth was able to speak the whole sentence, a madman nearby started to yell at the smith. "You! I know you! You ruined me! You're the smith with those low prices, drawing all my customers away untill I had no money left! You will pay for this!" The madman shouted. And before Onrroth realised it, the madman was hitting the smith. Unfortunatly, the madman used to be a smith aswell, and thus he was wearing some light mail armor. Onrroth didn't hesitate, drew his weapon, and put the man down before the guards arrived. The people were all looking at the onrroth, amazed as they ahd never seen one with such skill of the axe. The smith thanked him for saving him from the madman. "2000? Oh my, 500 for you for saving my live!" Onrroth gladly accepted the new shield, which still costed him nearly all his pay, but he felt it was worth it.

When Onrroth was done walking through the city, he returned to Arkim. Once he reached Arkim again, he put of his mail Helmet off his dirty blond hair, and bows to Arkim. "I have a mission for you. Your first test as a captain in my personal army. An Orc camp has been found nearby. It isn't too big so you won't have to lead many people yet. You will be able to finish those orcs off, or atleast drive them from our lands.

And so, Onrroth left the beautifull city of Xanunor, and went to the coordinates Arkim gave him. Getting closer to the camp, more and more small settlements were raided. The strange thing is, that there are alot of orc bodies near a certain house. They decide to leave it and to hurry to the camp. The first thing they see when getting near the camp, is a thin black tower. "Stop, I want a longbow archer to fire at the orc in the tower, before he sees us and alarms the camp." Onrroth ordered. And so a longbow archer aimed at the orc on the tower. Luckily, orcs aren't the greatest builders, and thus they often build pretty low towers. It took the archer 3 misses, before he finnaly killed the orc on the tower. Luckily, none of the orcs noticed any of the arrows. Onrroth and his soldiers entered the camp. They could kill a small group of orcs before the camp was alarmed. The orcs swarmed around Onrroth, but his soldiers fought well and made sure their captain wouldn't be flanked. onrroth, in the meanwhile, was fighting one of the orc commanders. By using his skill with the axe and his new shield, he was able to kill their first commander and lure out the second. He swung his axe, splintering the skulls of the orcs that were unlucky to cross his path. Most of the orcs were already killed, but an archer was able to fire an arrow in the direction or Onrroth. Onrroth didn't see the arrow coming, and was hit in his upper leg. His soldiers immidiatly dragged him to the back, and fought the rest of the orcs. At the end of the battle, blood was everywhere, and so were the bodies of both humans and orcs alike. "Sir! the camp is clear, but we've found a few prisoners, and a captured paladin!" But before Onrroth had the time to reply, the Paladin was already standing in front of him.

"Thank you, my lord. My name is Davroar of the Sunrise, since shortly a paladin, and defender of the nearby lands." The paladin was muscular, about 1.80 metres high, had dark brown hair, Heavy paladin armor and a sword and shield. "Thank you for saving my life, but especially that of my brethren", the paladin said. "Is there anyway I can repay you for that?" He asked. Onrroth, not hesitating for a moment, replied: "Find lord Arkim in the city of Xanunor. He is looking for able soldiers for his army. He serves the people and defends the empire against both the orcs, and those filthy Malformed". Davroar thought for a moment, but then accepted meeting Arkim. "Aye, I will, but I first want to loot the camp, if that's fine with you. I saw the orcs move in with a special shield. Hey! Did you already find that one?" The paladin suddenly says suprised, looking at Onrroth's shield. "No, if you mean this shield, it's the shield of Bilinu. I bought it in Xanunor." Sighing, the Paladin looked around in the camp, but found nothing interesting. "They moved it. Even the orcs know it's worth. Damn it!" The paladin shouted. "I will visit the towns around here, help them rebuild. "When thats done, I will visit that man you named. Arkim was it, eh?" Davroar said, and before Onrroth could reply, he was gone already again.

Devkon
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Devkon
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Nomad

Good second part better than the first one, and i like it how you describe the main character, not in one time but pieve by piece. And i knew there would come a Paladin in sooner or later, cuz i know you

Healmeal
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Healmeal
1,941 posts
Nomad

And i knew there would come a Paladin in sooner or later, cuz i know you


Well, I had multiple reasons. 1 of them is because I usually like being a paladin in any RPG, other than that, I won't tell
Kyouzou
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Kyouzou
5,061 posts
Jester

The plot's decent overall, in some places it could use a little buffing, and the story is vague< i feel like I just walked in halfway through a movie..

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