A short story I'm working on. The idea just came to me, I had to write it down. This is just the begginning, I wanted to get some feedback on the tone/style.
The Puddle
So it's larger than it was yesterday. A silent puddle, on the second story of my house. And it is growing. How? There are no water pipes running through the floor. There's no leak, no dripping sounds. Everyday I get home from work and clean it up. Soon the water will warp my floor. I'm going to have to call a plumber. There goes my pizza money.
I call the plumber, guess what there's no leak. I tell him I know that; he get's all "so why did you call me then? To clean up your spill?" I tell him it isnât a spill, it keeps coming back, larger every time. He says "well it ain't no leak, nothing I can do about it." That didnât stop him from taking 70 bucks worth of "estimation fees". I put a rubber mat over the spot where the water appears, go to sleep.
I get home from work and the puddle is back. But look: it's on top of the mat! The floor underneath is dry. So it canât be coming from under the floor. This solves my warping problem as well. Or, at least until the puddle grows larger than the mat. I move a table over the mat. I place a bowl on top of the table. Puddle: solved.
The puddle is back. On top of the mat, under the table. The bowl is as empty as the floor is dry. Where is it coming from? An idea pierces my confusion. I replace the rubber mat with a plastic tub. I put a lid on the tub. I've got you now, Mr. puddle.
I am right: the tub is full of water. Someone must be pranking me, sneaking into my house while Iâm at work and... spilling things? What exactly are they trying to accomplish here? Ridiculous as it may be, there is no other obvious solution. The next day I call in sick, and wait.
The prankster must have been sick as well. I've wasted a day watching a plastic tub. I get up to go to bed, kicking the tub as I pass it. It sloshes. I open the lid, and there's even more water than there was yesterday. Weirder still, it's ice cold. Well, if I canât beat this thing, maybe I can at least get a second fridge out of it.
So it's larger than it was yesterday. A silent puddle, on the second story of my house. And it is growing. How? There are no water pipes running through the floor. There's no leak, no dripping sounds. Everyday I get home from work and clean it up. Soon the water will warp my floor. I'm going to have to call a plumber. There goes my pizza money.
I call the plumber, guess what there's no leak. I tell him I know that; he get's all "so why did you call me then? To clean up your spill?" I tell him it isn't a spill, it keeps coming back, larger every time. He says "well it ain't no leak, nothing I can do about it." That didn't stop him from taking 70 bucks worth of "estimation fees". I put a rubber mat over the spot where the water appears, go to sleep.
I get home from work and the puddle is back. But look: it's on top of the mat! The floor underneath is dry. So it can't be coming from under the floor. This solves my warping problem as well. Or, at least until the puddle grows larger than the mat. I move a table over the mat. I place a bowl on top of the table. Puddle: solved.
The puddle is back. On top of the mat, under the table. The bowl is as empty as the floor is dry. Where is it coming from? An idea pierces my confusion. I replace the rubber mat with a plastic tub. I put a lid on the tub. I've got you now, Mr. puddle.
I am right: the tub is full of water. Someone must be pranking me, sneaking into my house while I'm at work and... spilling things? What exactly are they trying to accomplish here? Ridiculous as it may be, there is no other obvious solution. The next day I call in sick, and wait.
The prankster must have been sick as well. I've wasted a day watching a plastic tub. I get up to go to bed, kicking the tub as I pass it. It sloshes. I open the lid, and there's even more water than there was yesterday. Weirder still, it's ice cold. Well, if I can't beat this thing, maybe I can at least get a second fridge out of it.
Hmm, you made some punctuation mistakes and grammatical mistakes, but I like the idea. I wonder where the water is coming from? I'll have to read on :3 keep writing.
Sounds good, can't wait for the rest. I'm actually hooked! lol
thanks.
Hmm, you made some punctuation mistakes and grammatical mistakes,
I'm going to assume you are refering to sentences like
I call the plumber, guess what there's no leak.
And you're right, the punctuation is off. I'm kind of going for that whole "stream of consciousness" thing, which is kind of hard to pull off. I've noticed other writers sometimes do it by leaving out punctuation and conjunctions, which makes it feel like the narrator's thoughts are all running together. The problem is that it can also disrupt the flow of the piece and make it sound awkward.
I think I might have overdone it a little bit in the second paragraph.
So I decided to write some more. A little but less mysterious this time, but setting up for some serious "action." I mean, it's a puddle. Not a volcanoe.
THE PUDDLE PT 2
I tell no one about the puddle. I forbid myself from even thinking about it. Whenever the puddle drips into my mind, I just push it out. Puddle? What puddle? Okay, maybe there is a puddle, but who cares? It's perfectly normal to have a body of water that spontaneously regenerates in the middle of your living room every day. I'm sure most people have one. They just don't talk about it because it is so boring.
Sometimes I can't fool myself. Television shows, windows, books; nothing can distract me from the bizarre reality of the puddle. I feel like I can't handle it by myself. What can I do? Should I just go up to the cute girl at work and say "Hey baby, you want to come back to my place and watch a magic puddle?" What if the puddle doesn't come back? Or, worse yet, what if it's there, but she canât see it? What if it's all in my head? What if...
I need evidence. This puddle just seems to appear, yet I can never catch it in the act. I exchange my paycheck for a high speed video camera, a waterproof flashlight, and a "multi-purpose scale". I buy an inflatable kiddy pool as well, for when the tub will no longer suffice.
It takes less than ten minutes to rig everything up, which is somehow disappointing. I feel like Iâm playing Boyle with a child's chemistry set. I place the tub on top of the scale, the flashlight duct taped inside for maximum illumination. I set up the camera on a tripod so that it can see the entirety of the bucket, as well as the readout on the scale. I turn everything on and leave for work with low hopes.
I knew it. Of course it couldn't be that simple. What was I thinking? A high-speed camera? This isnât the Discovery Channel; this is... my living room. No matter how much I slow the footage down, it doesn't look like the water is appearing. It just looks like the tub is sweating. You can see the scale gradually rise, which is nice, I guess. At least it looks science-y. Well, it did until the tub overflowed, prematurely ending the data collection. That is one sweaty tub. I'm going to have to blow up that kiddy pool sooner than I thought.
I know what I have to do. It's one of those ideas that you wish never came to you, because you know you're going to have to follow through. I need to document the water drops appearing in thin air. They just seem to latch onto whatever surface is located near my floor. The puddle appears on my second story. Logically, if this story wasn't here, the drops would have nothing to adhere to. I look down at my beautiful hardwood floor. Shiny, smooth, easy to clean. It was the main reason I bought this house. Sighing, I go get a saw.
O_O I like. You are very good at writing. Just wondering, where did you get the idea to write about this. Just a random thought or what? I'm interested in what is going to happen in the third part.
