DEATH The unwavering shape looming ominously in the distance ready to strike without rythym or sense. Some reject it, Some embrace it, Yet all must succumb to it. It blocks our view of the dying world, and leaves us aching and cold... You can not avoid the fact that it will meet you sometime. So you try, and try to make your life sublime. Time is a factor, In the race of life, You may be ended by a car, or a knife. Dont try to stop it. You cant slow it down. Your destiny is not set, So dont you frown, Go make history, Or just wait for death. Its your deccision, Death will strike with ultimate precision...
wow. that was a stupid poem... oh well, now i can erase it out of my fone! xD
the poem is a bit depressing but good overall i'd say.. not much of a beat and a few parts sounds childish almost..(choppy or out of place.) So dont you frown,You may be ended by a car, or a knife. but i like the meaning behind it. [i]Some reject it,You cant slow it down. Your destiny is not set, Some embrace it,[/i]
thank you for your feedback. i had been feeling bad about those exact places, but could not think of anything else... oh, and i wrote this on various skewl nights at 11:00+..... lol
I was reading it in a 4/4 and 3/4ths of it had no rhythm. It's a pretty good poem, kind of childish in some areas, depressing, but informational. Try loosing the 'it's' on your next poem.
I like it. but don't be so depressed! Geez. Its okay, it just lacked the flow. What makes it memerable. and the Its are a bit exccesive xD but it is decent overall.
