ForumsArt, Music, and WritingA story i just wrote on the spot...

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ExpoBanana
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ExpoBanana
128 posts
Nomad

A shadow passes across my face. i feel the presence of a superior being near me. I look up, and yet, i see nothing, nothing but the shadow. The Shadow crawls along the floor, and stops near the window, where the darkness presses against the cellar. yes, it is a cellar, it is damp, and cold, and the window is up high... it must be a cellar... I close my eyes as a blinding light shines through the small window. The Shadow dissapears... for the moment. A face comes into view through the small window. It is a womans' face, i am sure of it. She yells, but i hear nothing, for The Shadow has already filled my ears with wax. Wax? Why would The Shadow make sure i did not hear anything...? I pull the wax out, but still, i hear nothing... maybe the cellar is sound-proof? No... noone would sound-proof their cellar... or would some people? Maybe, murderers.... but, how could a shadow kill a man? I look around... and see body parts. A leg here, a hand there, i see a toe hanging on a string. What a weird place... Maybe The Shadow would, or should i say, could, kill a man... No, that is proposterous, a shadow, killing someone? it must have not been his cellar... maybe he is my guardian angel? No, there is no God to watch over me... Or is there? I am confused, maybe The Shadow gave me some drugs? I look back at the window, but the light, or the woman, are no longer there... i look toward the stairway, and think that this must be the way for my escape. i walk toward it, but something passes along my periferals. I look that way, but i see nothing, nothing but The Shadow. I run to the stairway, but my foot snags on a scythe. I crash the floor, scrambling to get up, but a serene calm passes over me. And i feel there is no danger, i look up, to see The Shadow, but i do not feel fear. I feel happiness. Happiness to finally end my suffering. The Shadow offers his hand, and i take it. Then we both pass into the eternal darkness...

  • 12 Replies
ExpoBanana
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ExpoBanana
128 posts
Nomad

wow... almost an hour and 1 view? COMEE ON AG, LOOK AT MY SHORT STORY!!!!! xDD jk... no, wait, im not!

thepossum
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thepossum
3,035 posts
Nomad

Well, with a title like that, you can't expect people to respect your writing or this thread. So yea...

the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Same thing stood out to me. Its because of the language used in the rest of the story. Weird is a word that sounds more like a younger person would use regularly, as compared to the rest of it.

Odd or unusual would be better.

The rest of the story... well, honestly, it wasn't going anywhere, really. Sorry bud, it just needs more structure. You're not a bad writer though. Work on that.

thepossum
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thepossum
3,035 posts
Nomad

The rest of the story... well, honestly, it wasn't going anywhere, really


Of course not. He just wrote it on the spot.
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Yeah, well, it's generally expected that some work was done on the story before it was posted. Just amw etiquette.

Still though.

thepossum
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thepossum
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Nomad

Yeah, well, it's generally expected that some work was done on the story before it was posted. Just amw etiquette.


Yea well, you don't always get what you expect. I mean he said it himself, it was written on the spot.
thisisnotanalt
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thisisnotanalt
9,821 posts
Shepherd

Yeah, well, it's generally expected that some work was done on the story before it was posted


None of my stuff ever is >_>
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

Hush. You're a twelve year old prodigy, your writing doesn't need work.

thepossum
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thepossum
3,035 posts
Nomad

Hush. You're a twelve year old prodigy, your writing doesn't need work.


I'll say it before alt does...

13!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the_manta
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the_manta
4,536 posts
Peasant

I know, but alt has always been and always will be 12 in my heart.

And he knows that too. Don't you alt?

thepossum
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thepossum
3,035 posts
Nomad

Awwwwww... how cute...and creepy...

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