ForumsArt, Music, and Writingfor those that like to critique and read poetry

5 2196
katarine1420
offline
katarine1420
4 posts
Peasant

I have several poems and whatnot stored away on my computer. I thought that maybe, if I had enough people read them, then I might consider publishing the fan favorites, if you will.

Alright so here's my first one.. feel free to like or hate it, just be honest..



A mother to her child


Sleep, my angel. Sleep âtill day
Let all your troubles wash away
And I will stay here by your side
Until you wake up sleepy-eyed

But sleep you soundly through the night
Sheltered from the bright moonlight
And if, perchance, you see unrest
Iâll hold you closely to my breast

Then hum a tune to ease your mind
And though our hands be intertwined
You fall victim to nightâs embrace
Your hair a halo âround your face

I watch you sleeping for a while
And on your face there is a smile
I get up softly, there outside
The pale bright moon begins to hide

Morning rays peek over the hill
I gently close your door, and still
I wonder if youâll remember
The time that we had together

  • 5 Replies
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,386 posts
Shepherd

But sleep you soundly through the night


But sleep you? hmm

you see unrest


Seem XD

I wonder if you�ll remember
The time that we had together

Remember and together don't follow the rhyme scheme that you set.

But it is a good poem overall. Are you a mother by any chance? XD
katarine1420
offline
katarine1420
4 posts
Peasant

haha no not a mother. I just write spur of the moment, so I expect my poetry to get a little roughed up ;D thanks for your imput :P

samy
offline
samy
4,871 posts
Nomad

you see unrest


You seem restless goes better I think.

It's pretty good; however, I did find it a little boring. Maybe add a touch more conflict?
katarine1420
offline
katarine1420
4 posts
Peasant

ill get my other poems on here soon. I mean, I hope they arent all boring.. :P

katarine1420
offline
katarine1420
4 posts
Peasant

Remembering

I walk across this sun kissed plain
Haunted by my brothers
I never thought Iâd breathe again
Unlike so many others

The dust has covered all the blood
But not my memories
These scars will not completely heal
And hate plagues my arteries

I thought of planting poppies red
To mark this blood-bathed site
But red was blood that flowed no more
So I planted lilies white


:S I kinda like this one.. unfortunately, my better ones are a little... racy? This is the next best thing :P I hope..

Showing 1-5 of 5