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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 19, '10 10:05am UTC

I've decided try making a story, since lot of people were doing this, and it would also be a great way to practice my writing skills.

Try to comment, so I could make the story better.
Oh, my characters haven't got any name yet, can you give one male japanese name, and another female japanese name?

Chapter I: The country of cloth.

A black figure appears in the room, carrying with him a sword. He paused and said:

"The time has come!"

It was a warm and yellow Thursday morning. A gravely wounded teenager wakes up in a dirty bed in a tent, not knowing who, or where he is. Having difficulty, he peeks to his left, and saw a lovely maiden nursing him. With the teenager's lips, he asks the maiden "Where am I? Who am I?" Upon hearing these, a man goes outside from the tent, and with the maiden's soft voice, she said "We found you at the old shrine of the Taketsugu". The teenager did not recall this, so he asked the maiden "Do you know, Who I am?"

The maiden gave her sad nod.

The teenager rested on the pillow of the bed, the maiden continuing nursing him. Outside, he heard loud noises, then a man wearing a robe with a staff came to him and said "Can you name yourself child?". The teenager said no, and he asks if the man if he was his father. "No, I am the country's priest. We have found you on the old shrine of Taketsugu, you were lying there unconscious. It was good we found you at the right time, the Reed clan was going to destroy it." The man said. The teenager then asks the maiden " Who Are you?" The maiden then introduces herself as the princess of the country.

The man(priest) then goes outside of the tent, and to a beautiful palace. He goes through many rooms until he finally reaches the throne. "My lord, It is truthfully miraculous, you daughter really has a lot of magical power within her. The boy's bones were fixed, and his muscles regenerated. If it weren't for the princess, the boy would have died.". The king then spoke to the priest "Does the boy know himself and what was he doing in the shrine?". "Apparently my lord, the boy does not remember anything.".

The king stands and tells the priest to go to the royal chamber.
"Do you think he is the one?" The king says with both truth and fear into his eyes. " I do not know my lord, but if he is, I think the princess is ready.".

....the king then said " But I'm not "....

"The resonance of the moon, the alignment of the stars, the rise of the sun. If it happens all at the same time, I am...." "Silence Priest" The king suddenly interrupts the priest.

The teenager then looks at the maiden again, "You are the princess? If you are, why are you nursing me? I thank you princess."
The princess then said "The priest says that I have incredible magical power, that is why I am the one that heals you. No one could heal you if it weren't for me."
"Then that means you are my savior. Thank you again."

I'd be updating as soon as I can.

I've decided try making a story, since lot of people were doing this, and it would also be a great way to practice my writing skills.\r\n\r\nTry to comment, so I could make the story better.\r\nOh, my characters haven't got any name yet, can you give one male japanese name, and another female japanese name?\r\n\r\n\r\n[b]Chapter I: The country of cloth.[/b]\r\n\r\nA black figure appears in the room, carrying with him a sword. He paused and said:\r\n\r\n[i]"The time has come!"[/i]\r\n\r\nIt was a warm and yellow Thursday morning. A gravely wounded teenager wakes up in a dirty bed in a tent, not knowing who, or where he is. Having difficulty, he peeks to his left, and saw a lovely maiden nursing him. With the teenager's lips, he asks the maiden "Where am I? Who am I?" Upon hearing these, a man goes outside from the tent, and with the maiden's soft voice, she said "We found you at the old shrine of the Taketsugu". The teenager did not recall this, so he asked the maiden "Do you know, Who I am?"\r\n\r\nThe maiden gave her sad nod.\r\n\r\nThe teenager rested on the pillow of the bed, the maiden continuing nursing him. Outside, he heard loud noises, then a man wearing a robe with a staff came to him and said "Can you name yourself child?". The teenager said no, and he asks if the man if he was his father.  "No, I am the country's priest. We have found you on the old shrine of Taketsugu, you were lying there unconscious. It was good we found you at the right time, the Reed clan was going to destroy it." The man said. The teenager then asks the maiden " Who Are you?" The maiden then introduces herself as the princess of the country.\r\n\r\nThe man(priest) then goes outside of the tent, and to a beautiful palace. He goes through many rooms until he finally reaches the throne. "My lord, It is truthfully miraculous, you daughter really has a lot of magical power within her. The boy's bones were fixed, and his muscles regenerated. If it weren't for the princess, the boy would have died.". The king then spoke to the priest "Does the boy know himself and what was he doing in the shrine?". "Apparently my lord, the boy does not remember anything.". \r\n\r\nThe king stands and tells the priest to go to the royal chamber.\r\n"Do you think he is the one?" The king says with both truth and fear into his eyes. " I do not know my lord, but if he is, I think the princess is ready.".\r\n\r\n....the king then said " But I'm not "....\r\n\r\n"The resonance of the moon, the alignment of the stars, the rise of the sun. If it happens all at the same time, I am...." "Silence Priest" The king suddenly interrupts the priest.\r\n\r\nThe teenager then looks at the maiden again, "You are the princess? If you are, why are you nursing me? I thank you princess."\r\nThe princess then said "The priest says that I have incredible magical power, that is why I am the one that heals you. No one could heal you if it weren't for me."\r\n"Then that means you are my savior. Thank you again."\r\n\r\nI'd be updating as soon as I can.

17 Replies

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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 19, '10 10:56am UTC

Note that this is part of chapter I

Chapter I continuation

The teenager then mumbled "Will I be healed soon?" The princess then said to the teenager he was fully healed and just needed some rest.
The princess then packed up her things, and headed to the palace. She placed her supplies at her table, and headed to the balcony. "Hmm....I wonder what happened to him. Huh? What is that sound, it is pretty good to the ears. I can't.. I can't resist it, its like its calling me. What is that, bells?" The princess then saw flashes with her eyes. "What was that? its the country, the clan, and the teenager.". "PRINCESS!!" the priest and the king said as they slammed open the door. The princess then looks at them both "What's up?". Both the priest and king were speechless.

"Princess do you remember the prophecy that I told you about? I said you will learn it at the right time, didn't I?" The king said.

"Yes father, So, what is the prophecy?"

....The king was going to speak, when the princess was lifted up in the air. "Oh no." The priest said. "Can't you stop the process, priest?" the king asked swift fully and seriously to the priest.

The princess floated in mid air, and her heart glowed.

The teenager rises from the bed. He did not know why, but he felt the sudden feeling he should go to the princess. He rushed to the palace's doors, but the guards won't allow him.

"Get the boy" shouted the king to the priest. The priest then rushed to the tent, when he found the boy at the palace doors. The priest and the boy then went back to the princess' room.

Upon entering, the King said "too late"....

The boy then continued running to the princess jumping and grabbing her. He looked at the princess, who was presently unconscious.
"What happened to her?" the boy asked the king. "You must retrieve it, the part of the crystal is no longer in the country, if it falls to Reed's hands, He will have the source of ultimate power." The priest then casted a spell on the boy. "I will give you all my power. It would definitely come use full, but you still have to know how to use them by your self. Go on."

Upon the casting of the spell by the priest, the king used magic to teleport the boy and the princess. "May you be the one" That was the last words of the king.

-I finally conclude chapter one, two will be out soon hopefully.

Note that this is part of chapter I\r\n\r\n[b]Chapter I continuation[/b]\r\n\r\nThe teenager then mumbled "Will I be healed soon?" The princess then said to the teenager he was fully healed and just needed some rest.\r\nThe princess then packed up her things, and headed to the palace. She placed her supplies at her table, and headed to the balcony. "Hmm....I wonder what happened to him. Huh? What is that sound, it is pretty good to the ears. I can't.. I can't resist it, its like its calling me. What is that, bells?" The princess then saw flashes with her eyes. "What was that? its the country, the clan, and the teenager.". "PRINCESS!!" the priest and the king said as they slammed open the door. The princess then looks at them both "What's up?". Both the priest and king were speechless.\r\n\r\n "Princess do you remember the prophecy that I told you about? I said you will learn it at the right time, didn't I?" The king said.\r\n\r\n"Yes father, So, what is the prophecy?" \r\n\r\n....The king was going to speak, when the princess was lifted up in the air. "Oh no." The priest said. "Can't you stop the process, priest?" the king asked swift fully and seriously to the priest.\r\n\r\nThe princess floated in mid air, and her heart glowed. \r\n\r\nThe teenager rises from the bed. He did not know why, but he felt the sudden feeling he should go to the princess. He rushed to the palace's doors, but the guards won't allow him.\r\n\r\n"Get the boy" shouted the king to the priest. The priest then rushed to the tent, when he found the boy at the palace doors. The priest and the boy then went back to the princess' room.\r\n\r\nUpon entering, the King said "too late"....\r\n\r\nThe boy then continued running to the princess jumping and grabbing her. He looked at the princess, who was presently unconscious.\r\n"What happened to her?" the boy asked the king. "You must retrieve it, the part of the crystal is no longer in the country, if it falls to Reed's hands, He will have the source of ultimate power." The priest then casted a spell on the boy. "I will give you all my power. It would definitely come use full, but you still have to know how to use them by your self. Go on."\r\n\r\nUpon the casting of the spell by the priest, the king used magic to teleport the boy and the princess. "May you be the one" That was the last words of the king.\r\n\r\n\r\n-I finally conclude chapter one, two will be out soon hopefully.

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jdoggparty

5,860 posts

Nomad

Posted June 20, '10 3:07am UTC

That is really good. It really painted a picture in my mind, and it was very clear what was going on. Can't wait for part 2.

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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 20, '10 8:13am UTC

Chapter II: The foundation of strength, The foundation of will.

"HIYAH" shouts a samurai, as he slashes in half his country's enemies. "Learn to know where your limitations are!" He brags as he stabs his sword on the soft soil of the battlefield.

"You have gotten weaker Shidori." A girl in a beautiful dress speaks as she walks to the samurai.

"Weaker? Are you blind! I have gotten 10 times, if not 20 times stronger." The samurai brags again.

"But you still don't know the true foundation, the true meaning, the true heart of strength. If you can conquer others but not yourself, others will conquer you." The girl says with only truth as her tone.

"Yeah right!" The bad-mannered samurai says.

Shidori(the samurai) and the girl walks to a chariot, heading to a palace.

"Princess, I have proved my strength, why don't you still not give me the family heirloom? Please, I'll do anything."Shidori says to the girl/princess.

"As I have said Shidori, you still have not found the true foundation of strength. But of course, If you want, I could give you one final training. If you can pass this, I will give it to you." The princess says smiling, teasing Shidori.

"But my princess, I have been trained all of my 20 years of life. I possibly cannot know anything more than I already have." The samurai says.

"I thought you want the heirloom, and you said that you'll do anything for it. So, come forth the power of the wind, the fire, the earth and the air. Help me to enlighten this youth of the meaning of power." The princess shouts as she says the words.

"Huh? Princess, the four magical master corners? I have never seen you do this kind of magic for a long time. Wait a minute.... What, this power is used to teleport people through time and space. What are you doing?" Shidori says as he is driven forward by the wind.

"I will set you on training. You will come back here, and tell me the meaning of true power. After that, I shall give you your family heirloom, and the honor you deserve." The princess says to Shidori as he is being consumed by a dark material.

"What! Wait, I know the meaning of true power, Its guts, strength. I don't need..." Shidori shouts with his last words.

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Page break
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"I have never seen you before, where do you live?" a merchant asks a man with a white robe and a yellow staff.

"I am a hermit." Says the man with pride, as he walks away from the store.

"Tell me if the power has reached this place." The man speaks to a bird, as he frees it in the dark night."If I don't move quick enough, I might be caught." The man speaks to his self.

He continues to walk through the city he was in, trying to avoid contact with any people. He gets out of the city, and continues to walk in the unsafe and violent desert."This sand storm is exceptionally strong. Still, the beating of this sandstorm is never going to equal my punishment. I must move on." The man speaks to himself yet again.

Will try to continue as soon as I can.

[b]Chapter II: The foundation of strength, The foundation of will.[/b]\r\n\r\n"HIYAH" shouts a samurai, as he slashes in half his country's enemies. "Learn to know where your limitations are!" He brags as he stabs his sword on the soft soil of the battlefield.\r\n\r\n"You have gotten weaker Shidori." A girl in a beautiful dress speaks as she walks to the samurai.\r\n\r\n"Weaker? Are you blind! I have gotten 10 times, if not 20 times stronger." The samurai brags again.\r\n\r\n"But you still don't know the true foundation, the true meaning, the true heart of strength. If you can conquer others but not yourself, others will conquer you." The girl says with only truth as her tone.\r\n\r\n"Yeah right!" The bad-mannered samurai says.\r\n\r\nShidori(the samurai) and the girl walks to a chariot, heading to a palace.\r\n\r\n"Princess, I have proved my strength, why don't you still not give me the family heirloom? Please, I'll do anything."Shidori says to the girl/princess.\r\n\r\n"As I have said Shidori, you still have not found the true foundation of strength. But of course, If you want, I could give you one final training. If you can pass this, I will give it to you." The princess says smiling, teasing Shidori.\r\n\r\n"But my princess, I have been trained all of my 20 years of life. I possibly cannot know anything more than I already have." The samurai says.\r\n\r\n"I thought you want the heirloom, and you said that you'll do anything for it. So, come forth the power of the wind, the fire, the earth and the air. Help me to enlighten this youth of the meaning of power." The princess shouts as she says the words.\r\n\r\n"Huh? Princess, the four magical master corners? I have never seen you do this kind of magic for a long time. Wait a minute.... What, this power is used to teleport people through time and space. What are you doing?" Shidori says as he is driven forward by the wind.\r\n\r\n"I will set you on training. You will come back here, and tell me the meaning of true power. After that, I shall give you your family heirloom, and the honor you deserve." The princess says to Shidori as he is being consumed by a dark material.\r\n\r\n"What! Wait, I know the meaning of true power, Its guts, strength. I don't need..." Shidori shouts with his last words.\r\n\r\n\r\n-------\r\nPage break\r\n-------\r\n\r\n"I have never seen you before, where do you live?" a merchant asks a man with a white robe and a yellow staff.\r\n\r\n"I am a hermit." Says the man with pride, as he walks away from the store.\r\n\r\n"Tell me if the power has reached this place." The man speaks to a bird, as he frees it in the dark night."If I don't move quick enough, I might be caught." The man speaks to his self.\r\n\r\nHe continues to walk through the city he was in, trying to avoid contact with any people. He gets out of the city, and continues to walk in the unsafe and violent desert."This sand storm is exceptionally strong. Still, the beating of this sandstorm is never going to equal my punishment. I must move on." The man speaks to himself yet again.\r\n[b]\r\nWill try to continue as soon as I can.[/b]

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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 20, '10 12:53pm UTC

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SirLegendary

16,587 posts

Duke

Posted June 20, '10 1:28pm UTC

This is great! I love the first parts

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Nurvana

2,520 posts

Farmer

Posted June 20, '10 7:40pm UTC

Yeah this has some serious potential man!

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snipershot325

844 posts

Nomad

Posted June 20, '10 8:25pm UTC

DUDE you no how to write!,You should send this into a publishing company,once you finished the whole story!

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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 21, '10 10:35am UTC

Wow, thanks for the feedback.

Anyways, I don't know If you remember this but:

Oh, my characters haven't got any name yet, can you give one male japanese name, and another female japanese name?

Without knowing where you are
Without knowing who you are
Without knowing why your there
You can only think of one thing
and that is to survive

CHAPTER III: The violent terrain

The teenager opens his eyes, and realizes that the spell of the king was teleportation magic. He still holds the princess in his hands.

"Help, help!" The boy shouts to the silent night in which he is in.

Seeing that nobody is there that can lend their hand to him, he decides to carry the princess, and he walked to forward to the desert. Looking at the presently unconscious princess, the teenager says "Don't worry princess, I will find some shelter for us."

Unfortunately, fate was harsh to them, and they were held back by the strong sandstorm.

Looking at the midst of the desert, he saw a dark shadow from afar, going bigger and bigger.

"Is anybody there? Please help us." the boy pleads again.

The figure speaks with a large voice, as he looks around him. "Huh? Where are you?"

"Try to follow my voice!" The teenager shouts. Eventually the dark figure came to them, and appears to be a man with a robe, just like the country of cloth's priest. "What are you doing at this harsh desert?" asks the man, followed by the response of the boy "We have been teleported by a king of the country of cloth, I don't know why, but he seemed in a hurry while doing it.

"Let us go, by the beating of this storm, we could not last." the man said, as he walks forward.

After some time of walking in the sandy desert, the teenager breaks silence and said "What is your name? How come you happened to pass here?". The man looked at the teenager, and said "Oh! I am a hermit. I have long since left my country. My name is Cenere A. Utteridge."
(does not mean the mod Cenere, but just a random name I thought of.)

They continued to walk, until they saw some light. "Look, it must be a town." Cenere said. After walking for a few meters more, they finally reached the town.

The place was lovely, there were candles by the pathways, decorations all over the place, cheers, and drum rolls.

"Wow, They must have a celebration here." Cenere said to his utmost delight. "Anyways, what is your purpose here?" Cenere asks. "I don't know. I woke up on a bed this morning, with the princess nursing me. After that, she went to the palace, and after some minutes, I followed her. After that, I saw her floating in mid-air. I grabbed her, and the priest speaked the words:
You must retrieve it, the part of the crystal is no longer in the country, if it falls to Reed's hands, He will have the source of ultimate power. I will give you all my power. It would definitely come use full, but you still have to know how to use them by your self. Go on.
next thing I know, I was teleported by the king."the teenager explained...

The hermit was shocked as the teenager committed this words. "Crystals? Then that must mean the prophecy of eternal life."
The teenager had become curious of his words, and asked him what the prophecy was.

"Since I have started traveling, I have learned many things. That prophecy is one of them. You see, only the eight great men of the country of cloth knows about the prophecy. It has been dreamed about by the great king, as he is a dream-seer. One day, he said, that his daughter would have her incredible magical power taken away from her. A boy will come in the country, and will aid the princess in need. He also said that the princess' power will be transformed into a form of a crystal, so that it will be protected. Apparently, that is the only things I have managed to learn." Explained the hermit.

"We must find shelter, the more I examine the girl(princess), the more I can learn."

The hermit finds a rent-able place to stay. He grabbed the princess' hands and said "Her body is cold. A power of a person is also an important life source to them. If we cannot find a crystal soon enough, she might die."

"NO! I will not allow that to happen." The teenager said.

....We should move.

-----CHAPTER III end-------

--------------------
-------------------
------------------
-----------------

Although You might not know of my past
And I do not know yours
One thing is for certain
I will know your future
And you will know mine

CHAPTER IV: The journey up-ahead

Wow, thanks for the feedback.\r\n\r\nAnyways, I don't know If you remember this but:\r\n\r\n[quote]Oh, my characters haven't got any name yet, can you give one male japanese name, and another female japanese name?\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\n[i]\r\nWithout knowing where you are\r\nWithout knowing who you are\r\nWithout knowing why your there\r\nYou can only think of one thing\r\nand that is to survive[/i]\r\n\r\n[b]CHAPTER III: The violent terrain[/b]\r\n\r\nThe teenager opens his eyes, and realizes that the spell of the king was teleportation magic. He still holds the princess in his hands.\r\n\r\n"Help, help!" The boy shouts to the silent night in which he is in.\r\n\r\nSeeing that nobody is there that can lend their hand to him, he decides to carry the princess, and he walked to forward to the desert. Looking at the presently unconscious princess, the teenager says "Don't worry princess, I will find some shelter for us."\r\n\r\nUnfortunately, fate was harsh to them, and they were held back by the strong sandstorm.\r\n\r\nLooking at the midst of the desert, he saw a dark shadow from afar, going bigger and bigger.\r\n\r\n"Is anybody there? Please help us." the boy pleads again.\r\n\r\nThe figure speaks with a large voice, as he looks around him. "Huh? Where are you?" \r\n\r\n"Try to follow my voice!" The teenager shouts. Eventually the dark figure came to them, and appears to be a man with a robe, just like the country of cloth's priest. "What are you doing at this harsh desert?" asks the man, followed by the response of the boy "We have been teleported by a king of the country of cloth, I don't know why, but he seemed in a hurry while doing it.\r\n\r\n"Let us go, by the beating of this storm, we could not last." the man said, as he walks forward.\r\n\r\nAfter some time of walking in the sandy desert, the teenager breaks silence and said "What is your name? How come you happened to pass here?". The man looked at the teenager, and said "Oh! I am a hermit. I have long since left my country. My name is Cenere A. Utteridge."\r\n[i](does not mean the mod Cenere, but just a random name I thought of.)[/i]\r\n\r\nThey continued to walk, until they saw some light. "Look, it must be a town." Cenere said. After walking for a few meters more, they finally reached the town.\r\n\r\nThe place was lovely, there were candles by the pathways, decorations all over the place, cheers, and drum rolls.\r\n\r\n"Wow, They must have a celebration here." Cenere said to his utmost delight. "Anyways, what is your purpose here?" Cenere asks. "I don't know. I woke up on a bed this morning, with the princess nursing me. After that, she went to the palace, and after some minutes, I followed her. After that, I saw her floating in mid-air. I grabbed her, and the priest speaked the words:\r\nYou must retrieve it, the part of the crystal is no longer in the country, if it falls to Reed's hands, He will have the source of ultimate power. I will give you all my power. It would definitely come use full, but you still have to know how to use them by your self. Go on.\r\nnext thing I know, I was teleported by the king."the teenager explained...\r\n\r\nThe hermit was shocked as the teenager committed this words. "Crystals? Then that must mean the prophecy of eternal life."\r\nThe teenager had become curious of his words, and asked him what the prophecy was.\r\n\r\n"Since I have started traveling, I have learned many things. That prophecy is one of them. You see, only the eight great men of the country of cloth knows about the prophecy. It has been dreamed about by the great king, as he is a dream-seer. One day, he said, that his daughter would have her incredible magical power taken away from her. A boy will come in the country, and will aid the princess in need. He also said that the princess' power will be transformed into a form of a crystal, so that it will be protected. Apparently, that is the only things I have managed to learn." Explained the hermit.\r\n\r\n"We must find shelter, the more I examine the girl(princess), the more I can learn."\r\n\r\nThe hermit finds a rent-able place to stay. He grabbed the princess' hands and said "Her body is cold. A power of a person is also an important life source to them. If we cannot find a crystal soon enough, she might die."\r\n\r\n"NO! I will not allow that to happen." The teenager said. \r\n\r\n....We should move.\r\n\r\n-----CHAPTER III end-------\r\n\r\n--------------------\r\n-------------------\r\n------------------\r\n-----------------\r\n\r\n\r\n[i]Although You might not know of my past\r\nAnd I do not know yours\r\nOne thing is for certain\r\nI will know your future\r\nAnd you will know mine[/i]\r\n\r\nCHAPTER IV: The journey up-ahead

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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 22, '10 10:36am UTC

Okay, sorry for some grammatical errors and redundancy you can easily see. I'll try to do my best next time (which would be now!)

Although You might not know of my past
And I do not know yours
One thing is for certain
I will know your future
And you will know mine

CHAPTER IV: The journey up-ahead

Through the dusky night, The teenager and the hermit still dared to try to find the crystal....

"Hi, are you here for the festival?" Asks startlingly by the happy receptionist of the place they stayed. "Your new here aren't you?"

"Yes we are! We are travelers." said Cenere.

"You seem in a hurry, going somewhere? You didn't even had time to pack."asks the receptionist to the teenager.

"We need to find something, something important that belongs to the prin....." said the teenager, as he had been interrupted by Cenere "girl, yes, we need to find something that is important to the girl. Anyways, can you take care of her? She is currently unconscious."

"Oh, most certainly sir. We actually insist." said the receptionist.

As they walk out of the building, Cenere whispers to the teenager "Do not say anyone that we are with a princess, we do not want unwanted attention."

"Okay, the safety of the princess depends on that. Going back to the crystals, how are we going to find the it Cenere? The world is too big, is there any way we can track it?" asks the teenager as they were walking.

"The crystal is the magical power of the princess. As I have heard in my visit there, she has incredible amount of it, a power larger than mine. I should be able to sense the power. There is a very large power here, so it could be the princess'. I'll help you, don't worrry." Cenere responds.

"Thank you" the teenager said politely.

The hermit laughed about this, and asked "Why?"

"Because even if you had no reason to help us, you still did."

"Don't worry about it kid, I've got a large amount of free time. So let's go!"

So the two continued walking in to the night, which was enlightened by the candles of the town.

"The center of the town, That is where it is! Good thing that receptionist gave us a map. The center would be........ the town's municipal building!" The hermit said to the teenager.

Without any time to lose, they hurriedly went there.

As they reached the building, they saw an incredible number of people. The two maneuvered through the crowd, until they stopped on a big door. "Tickets please." A guard said.

"Tickets? what tickets?" Cenere asked

"There are only two ways to enter the tournament. That is either you want to be a contestant in the festival, or you have tickets." The guard spoke with his very large voice.

"What does it take to be a contestant?" the teenager asked. "You look serious kid, is this some kind of joke? He! You know you could die out there! No way you can be serious!" the guard said as he burst with laughter.

"But I am serious. I need to go there!"

--------Will try to update soon.

Okay, sorry for some grammatical errors and redundancy you can easily see. I'll try to do my best next time (which would be now!)\r\n\r\n[i]Although You might not know of my past\r\nAnd I do not know yours\r\nOne thing is for certain\r\nI will know your future\r\nAnd you will know mine[/i]\r\n\r\n[b]CHAPTER IV: The journey up-ahead[/b]\r\n\r\n[i]\r\nThrough the dusky night, The teenager and the hermit still dared to try to find the crystal....\r\n[/i]\r\n\r\n"Hi, are you here for the festival?" Asks startlingly by the happy receptionist of the place they stayed. "Your new here aren't you?"\r\n\r\n"Yes we are! We are travelers." said Cenere.\r\n\r\n"You seem in a hurry, going somewhere? You didn't even had time to pack."asks the receptionist to the teenager.\r\n\r\n"We need to find something, something important that belongs to the prin....." said the teenager, as he had been interrupted by Cenere "girl, yes, we need to find something that is important to the girl. Anyways, can you take care of her? She is currently unconscious."\r\n\r\n"Oh, most certainly sir. We actually insist." said the receptionist.\r\n\r\nAs they walk out of the building, Cenere whispers to the teenager "Do not say anyone that we are with a princess, we do not want unwanted attention."\r\n\r\n"Okay, the safety of the princess depends on that. Going back to the crystals, how are we going to find the it Cenere? The world is too big, is there any way we can track it?" asks the teenager as they were walking.\r\n\r\n\r\n"The crystal is the magical power of the princess. As I have heard in my visit there, she has incredible amount of it, a power larger than mine. I should be able to sense the power. There is a very large power here, so it could be the princess'. I'll help you, don't worrry." Cenere responds.\r\n\r\n"Thank you" the teenager said politely.\r\n\r\nThe hermit laughed about this, and asked "Why?"\r\n\r\n"Because even if you had no reason to help us, you still did."\r\n\r\n"Don't worry about it kid, I've got a large amount of free time. So let's go!"\r\n\r\nSo the two continued walking in to the night, which was enlightened by the candles of the town.\r\n\r\n"The center of the town, That is where it is! Good thing that receptionist gave us a map. The center would be........ the town's municipal building!" The hermit said to the teenager.\r\n\r\nWithout any time to lose, they hurriedly went there.\r\n\r\nAs they reached the building, they saw an incredible number of people. The two maneuvered through the crowd, until they stopped on a big door. "Tickets please." A guard said.\r\n\r\n"Tickets? what tickets?" Cenere asked\r\n\r\n"There are only two ways to enter the tournament. That is either you want to be a contestant in the festival, or you have tickets." The guard spoke with his very large voice.\r\n\r\n"What does it take to be a contestant?" the teenager asked. "You look serious kid, is this some kind of joke? He! You know you could die out there! No way you can be serious!" the guard said as he burst with laughter.\r\n\r\n"But I am serious. I need to go there!"\r\n\r\n--------Will try to update soon.

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cowmaster1

676 posts

Shepherd

Posted June 25, '10 10:11pm UTC

It's really good. Save the princess!

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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 26, '10 3:58am UTC

Continuation of Chapter IV

The teenager again and again tries to convince the guard, but the guard always reject his wish.

"Let me go there!!" The teenager demands. Before the guard could speak, a man told the guard "Let the boy enter, I see truth in his eyes." The man looks at the direction of the teenager "You! Go here, we shall test your false courage" "Okay, I shall" the teenager said. "Hey what about me! I also want to join!" the hermit shouts, and he was taken with the teenager.

The big door was opened to the size the three could enter, and they saw a dark hallway. Walking, they reached another huge door, but they entered a smaller door at the side.

Upon entering the room, the teenager and the hermit saw a crowd of people, wearing all sorts of armor."You all know perfectly well why your here!" The man that led the teenager said as he looks at the boy again. "You, and your companion, ready yourselves. The competition will start out shortly."

As the man closes the door, a man wearing a very plated armor laughed at him "Is this a death wish kid?". Upon hearing the hermit said "Oh! This kid is with me." then the teenager was pulled by Cenere.

"I believe to have heard about this competition from the other town. You see, every year, they will always have this challenge in which people are pitted in each other for a price. I have a huge feeling that it is the crystal, so whatever happens, we must win, we cannot risk losing the crystal." Cenere explained to the teenager.

"But how could we win here? How do they decide the winner?" the teenager asks. "Mahou" Cenere answers.

(mahou is the japanese word for magic. Bwahahaha!)

"Okay contestants please go to the battlefield" said an announcer outside the dirty room they were in.

"Shall we go!" asks the always smiling Cenere. "Yes" nods the boy.

Cenere touches the rusty door handle, and opens it. They went through, and so did the other contestants.

What they saw was a sight to behold. At the center was a very tall tower, containing a small box at the top. The sides of the arena was full of crowds of people cheering. From the tower to them was hazardous acid.

"If I remember correctly from the other town, this is a mahou race. What element can you use?" Cenere asks as they walk out the door. "Element? I don't know." the boy answers. "Oh! Yeah, you don't remember anything. Stay close to me, You wouldn't want them to know that your powerless."

When all contestants were out, the announcer shouts to the end of his lungs "Okay people, let us welcome, the FIGHTERS!!!!!!!!!!!"

The huge crowd went crazy, shouting and cheering.

"Okay contestants, please take your positions."

The two readily waits behind the starting line.

"BANG!" An explosion was heard, signalling the start of the race.

With the start of the race, What shall be the end?

[b]Continuation of Chapter IV[/b]\r\n\r\nThe teenager again and again tries to convince the guard, but the guard always reject his wish.\r\n\r\n"Let me go there!!" The teenager demands. Before the guard could speak, a man told the guard "Let the boy enter, I see truth in his eyes." The man looks at the direction of the teenager "You! Go here, we shall test your false courage" "Okay, I shall" the teenager said. "Hey what about me! I also want to join!" the hermit shouts, and he was taken with the teenager.\r\n\r\nThe big door was opened to the size the three could enter, and they saw a dark hallway. Walking, they reached another huge door, but they entered a smaller door at the side.\r\n\r\nUpon entering the room, the teenager and the hermit saw a crowd of people, wearing all sorts of armor."You all know perfectly well why your here!" The man that led the teenager said as he looks at the boy again. "You, and your companion, ready yourselves. The competition will start out shortly." \r\n\r\nAs the man closes the door, a man wearing a very plated armor laughed at him "Is this a death wish kid?". Upon hearing the hermit said "Oh! This kid is with me." then the teenager was pulled by Cenere.\r\n\r\n"I believe to have heard about this competition from the other town. You see, every year, they will always have this challenge in which people are pitted in each other for a price. I have a huge feeling that it is the crystal, so whatever happens, we must win, we cannot risk losing the crystal." Cenere explained to the teenager.\r\n\r\n"But how could we win here? How do they decide the winner?" the teenager asks. "Mahou" Cenere answers.\r\n\r\n(mahou is the japanese word for magic. Bwahahaha!)\r\n\r\n"Okay contestants please go to the battlefield" said an announcer outside the dirty room they were in.\r\n\r\n"Shall we go!" asks the always smiling Cenere. "Yes" nods the boy.\r\n\r\nCenere touches the rusty door handle, and opens it. They went through, and so did the other contestants. \r\n\r\nWhat they saw was a sight to behold. At the center was a very tall tower, containing a small box at the top. The sides of the arena was full of crowds of people cheering. From the tower to them was hazardous acid.\r\n\r\n"If I remember correctly from the other town, this is a mahou race. What element can you use?" Cenere asks as they walk out the door. "Element? I don't know." the boy answers. "Oh! Yeah, you don't remember anything. Stay close to me, You wouldn't want them to know that your powerless."\r\n\r\nWhen all contestants were out, the announcer shouts to the end of his lungs "Okay people, let us welcome, the FIGHTERS!!!!!!!!!!!"\r\n\r\nThe huge crowd went crazy, shouting and cheering.\r\n\r\n"Okay contestants, please take your positions."\r\n\r\nThe two readily waits behind the starting line.\r\n\r\n"BANG!" An explosion was heard, signalling the start of the race.\r\n[i]\r\n\r\nWith the start of the race, What shall be the end?[/i]

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Nurvana

2,520 posts

Farmer

Posted June 26, '10 4:03am UTC

Hmm. Keeps me hooked, that's for sure. Good work man.

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cowmaster1

676 posts

Shepherd

Posted June 26, '10 4:41am UTC

Excelent! As have all the other posts.

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Secretmapper

1,747 posts

Nomad

Posted June 26, '10 1:14pm UTC

CHAPTER V: Unknown power

"The small box at the top, that's the target!" says cenere to the boy.

Running to the soft loam of the arena with all their might, the teenager and Cenere desperately tried to be first place.

"Kid, We're going nowhere! I'm using mahou, try to catch up!" Cenere said to the teenager, when suddenly he grew wings on his back, and flew above the battlefield.

"And you see it now folks! The first one to use his mahou!" The announcer said as the crowd went even crazier.

As Cenere flew, other contestants used their magic power to. One used wind to decrease his air resistance, and other used offensive magic.

"Your never gonna catch up with me punk!" A contestant said as he threw fireballs at Cenere. "Eat that"

Cenere maneuvered through the contestant's fireballs. Luckily he escaped got through without a scratch.

The teenager was now on the last place, no hope of catching up. But he still ran.

"Oh! and would you look at that, someone is falling behind!"the announcer said. "Time to bring out the motivator!"

The sides of the track opened, and a spiked vehicle joined the race.It is going for the teenager, which tried to ran faster and faster.

CHAPTER V: Unknown power\r\n\r\n"The small box at the top, that's the target!" says cenere to the boy.\r\n\r\nRunning to the soft loam of the arena with all their might, the teenager and Cenere desperately tried to be first place.\r\n\r\n"Kid, We're going nowhere! I'm using mahou, try to catch up!" Cenere said to the teenager, when suddenly he grew wings on his back, and flew above the battlefield.\r\n\r\n"And you see it now folks! The first one to use his mahou!" The announcer said as the crowd went even crazier.\r\n\r\nAs Cenere flew, other contestants used their magic power to. One used wind to decrease his air resistance, and other used offensive magic.\r\n\r\n"Your never gonna catch up with me punk!" A contestant said as he threw fireballs at Cenere. "Eat that"\r\n\r\nCenere maneuvered through the contestant's fireballs. Luckily he escaped got through without a scratch.\r\n\r\nThe teenager was now on the last place, no hope of catching up. But he still ran.\r\n\r\n"Oh! and would you look at that, someone is falling behind!"the announcer said. "Time to bring out the motivator!"\r\n\r\nThe sides of the track opened, and a spiked vehicle joined the race.It is going for the teenager, which tried to ran faster and faster.

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cowmaster1

676 posts

Shepherd

Posted July 1, '10 3:34am UTC

After reading the motivator part i started to chuckle lol. Good job

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