I'm sorry I'm still learning how to rhyme, my poor attempt at rhyming poetry.
I dive into the ocean hoping to find my brother I feel myself sinking down, down, down And after I sink for what seems like another Hour, my lungs are screaming and I know I will drown I look left and right to no avail I see a fish swim by and mock me By taking a breath, if I do the same I will fail I look all around me and guess what I see My brother headed to the surface at incredible Speed, but only because he is hugging a dolphin An amazingly attractive dolphin, he looks edible He is holding on tight to his fin I see this and it is the last thing I see for forever.
I'm sorry I'm still learning how to rhyme, my poor attempt at rhyming poetry.
Here's a site I use for most of my poems (I'm a terrible rhymer).
The rhyming was actually not bad at all. However, the rhythm did a major hiccup at the third and fourth lines, and the rest seemed awkward. Good poem for the most part though, just work a little bit on the rhythm. Read it out loud slowly, and see if it fits.
Thanks I sure will. I have found a new interest in poetry and I'm still getting a hang of it rhyming or not, poetry is my weak spot in writing, but the best way to fix that is to excercise it, so I've found myself writing more poetry lately.
I'm going to be blunt. Your poem has a poor flow and the rhymes are much too forced.
If you want to become a better poet, I highly suggest you continue writing every chance you can, preferably every day. Always write, even if it sucks. Sometimes you get lucky and you end up with something pretty decent. When you don't end up with anything decent, then you gain experience as a writer. Granted, it will take time before you actually notice any improvement, so don't get discouraged.
I can give you some more pointers, but first I will need you to post some of your favorite poems on my profile. Also, if it's music lyrics that inspire you, post the name of the song and the lines that stand out in your head.
poetry isnt all about 'ryming" if you havent tryed free verse I suggest you do.
Yeah, but if you have rhyming, it has to be good.
I'd say you overenjamb the poem, which is a lot of the reason the flow is so messed up. If you choose to rhyme, the rhymes have to feel natural. If the flow of the poem was smooth, the enjambment wouldn't be a problem - but the enjambment punctuates the poor flow.
