hmmm since my WolfTean story didnt get too many followers with starting at the beginning, but my magic story got alotta followers with a cliffhangar, i'm going to see how starting at the end works out .
This would be the very last paragraph or two of this story, set from the first person viewpoint of Miranda, a character in the story.
if you'd like music to set this scene, click here it works better with it ;D. (i do stuff like this because when i see my story ideas, i see them as a movie director would, and i just have such trouble putting the scenes into words, so this is the music i'd play if it'd be a movie )
As I lay beneath the glowing canopy of lights and color splashes, I began to cry. I cried for Marcus, for David, for all the others killed, and those who were taken. I cried for humanity and all of mankind. The tears flowed freely like enending fountains.
Soon I remembered Nathan's prescence and turned back to face him. He asked why I was crying, and I could only nod as i stared at his innocent, worried face, and slowly, my tears became that of joy. I had found my God, and accepted him, I had fallen in love, but lost so much, I had survived where others had died, and in between it all saved countless more like Nathan. As the Fireworks lit up the night sky in celebration of victory, and as the tears streaked down my face, i prayed and cried silently. I pray to God that he please, please help us. This is our message and story to any other survivors. Please God, we are Humanity, we deserve another chance.
I don't know much about the background here, but there's a lot of emotion here in these two paragraphs. Even if it's just a smaller sample, it's obvious that you have a good handle on presenting simple scenes with sentimental clout -- while avoiding too much sentimentality.
Nothing turns the reader off (alright, by 'reader' I just mean 'me' more than reading something that just forcibly plucks my attraction to the characters. But using images of the fireworks, you sort of deferred that danger.
Just one or two spelling things,
prescence
as presence, but that can come as easily from typing too fast, as not realizing there's no edit feature on these forums.
Eh. So I guess doing a story backwards is interesting. I'm new to the site, new to all you folks. No idea what to expect from the other community members, but I certainly hope that the build to this ending will be as rewarding as what you've served up here.
ok im kinda grounded right now and not zectly sposed to be on.... ;D so i cant post anything for awhile cuz of it moonfairy i will continue my wolfteam story when my grouind is up and im done procrastinating
wow... been a long month, and im hoping some people will look at this.
read the ending teaser please before reading this .
in this ill be trying to set up the characters....
I woke up and heard noises. The ever-present sirens wailed and car horns honked as i dragged myself out of bed. I looked around my room, at the pink walls and bedspread. "god i need a new room, i'm 17 for christ sake.." i muttered to myself. Tossing my long bruenette hair out of my eyes i went into the adjoining bathroom and the sound of the shower soon began to drown out the constant white-noise from outside.
After my hair was washed i went downstairs, to be greeted by my mother. "Hurry up honey you don't want to be late on your first day again!" she said with an omlet flipping into the air with her words, and coming to rest on a plate that she scooted in front of me.
"Well?" She questioned eagerly. "good mom... just like every time." I told her while giving her a weak, reassuring smile. As my mom walked away i blanched, and shoved the rest into a trashcan and going back to the upstairs of the loft that was ours. No way was i going to let calories ruin my diet.
Slipping back into my room, a tank frilled tank top, a blouse i'd picked out, and my favorite jeans i declared myself ready for hair spray. Surrounding myself in a small cloud of it, I brushed and combed it into my favorite look.
Giving my mom a quick, "I love you." I slipped out of the door and walked to my bus stop.
That was the last time I ever saw her alive.
Exiting the elevator I walked out into the cool lobby and looked at the street outside.
all i can do right now sorry mates, gotta go eat supper thisll lead into a further story please copmment, critiscism appreciated.
i am going to be changing and editing this a little bit. (should fine a better way to introduce her age....) (made age 16) (added name to character, forgot that XD.) (Gave more deatail to smaller living space.) (Never added that Miranda sat did i? O_o) ( a tank frilled tank top? lol) (walked to the bus stop? god dangit... she's in an apartment not a house.)
I woke up and heard noises. The ever-present sirens wailed and car horns honked as i dragged myself out of bed. I looked around my room, at the pink walls and bedspread. "god i need a new room, i'm 17 for christ sake.." i muttered to myself. Tossing my long bruenette hair out of my eyes i went into the adjoining bathroom and the sound of the shower soon began to drown out the constant white-noise from outside. After my hair was washed i went down a set of cramped downstairs of our small apartment, to be greeted by my mother. "Hurry up Miranda you don't want to be late on your first day again!" she said with an omlet flipping into the air with her words, and coming to rest on a plate that she scooted in front of me as i sat down. "Well?" She questioned eagerly watching my face. "Good mom... just like every time." I told her while giving her a weak, reassuring smile. As my mom walked away to her bedroom I blanched, and shoved the rest into a trashcan and raced back to the upstairs of the apartment that was ours. No way was i going to let calories ruin my diet. Slipping back into my room, a frilled tank top, a blouse i'd picked out, and my favorite jeans, I declared myself ready for hair spray. Surrounding myself in a small cloud of it, I brushed and combed my hair into my favorite look. Going downstairs, Grabbing the house keys, and giving my mom a quick, "I love you." before i left, I slipped out of the door and went down the hall to the elevator.
That was the last time I ever saw her alive. Exiting the elevator I walked out into the cool lobby and looked at the street outside through the not-so-clean windows. I stared at the all to common boarded up building, and bent and mangled bustops painted like a rainbow with graffitti.
"The Mexican ghetto of Austin.. my first day of being in it again..." I whispered silently to myself as i stepped outside. Popularity and good looks come in handy when living here, which is what i learned, and what I had when me and my mom came to live here after we'd been evicted from our last house in a better part of the city. That was before my Dad left.
Stepping outside and breathing the fresh... smog... I side stepped a group of cocaine dealers and hurried to my bus stop. A few other kids were waiting there already and i noticed my best friend, Kayla. "Miranda!" She squealed as we hugged eachother. "it's soooo good to see you again!" She told me with a smile. (My mom didn't approve of the "street-life" and had kept me inside all summer to keep me out of trouble, I wonder what'll happen when i move out in two years.) Just then another something to make the day better came over. Josh, the best boyfriend ever walked over. "Hey," i whispered to him giving him a quick hug and kiss. "This'll be a great new year right?" I continued. "yeah babe, you know it." He told me with a wink. In all technicality, you could call us the most popular couple in the school.
My worries on things like that were going to change soon.
all i got for now, ill probably edit that later too! XD
