ForumsArt, Music, and WritingCross Your Heart, Hope to Die.

17 4215
Tavira
offline
Tavira
26 posts
Nomad

"Don't -- " Ray Walker yelped, and that was all he got out before Martin Shardae (or 'Marty' as he preferred his 'associates' called him) smirked, jerked his fist, and broke the young man's nose.

It had been such a sharp, sudden blow that Ray found himself collapsed in a messy heap before completely registering what happened. White hot pain blossomed a second later -- Ray thought dimly that he should try to get up, but by then it was too late.

Marty grabbed a fistful of the youth's hair, jerking his head back so that the two were facing. Above them, the naked bulb flickered, illuminating the killer's odd, twisted smile. Ray struggled briefly.

He considered shouting, but realistically no one would hear him. The house was the last on the left, and Finn street was sparsely populated at best. Ray knew his job would end up getting him killed one of these days, but he never figured it would happen over a misunderstanding.

"How did you find me?" Marty demanded in a fierce whisper, marking the first time he had spoken since finding a tow-headed sixteen-year-old poking around in his garage. "Are there others? I'll kill you!"

As if that wasn't clear enough. Ray could already see the glint of a hunting knife. His neck was very much exposed, and his nose was very much gushing blood. What could save him? Words. Words, come on! He was seconds away from a very early retirement.

"I'm not -- I'm -- "

"You're not what?"

Marty might have been a hardened killer with psychotic tendencies, but first and foremost he was a blazing paranoid. The knife was stayed just for a second -- the man wanted answers. Ray knew he had just moments, and he tried to see past his immediate death, tried to collect himself while gasping for breath --

" -- not from -- from the Consortium!"

He spat it out at last, along with some blood that had been seeping uncomfortably in his mouth. Well, that was it then. Marty's scraggly hair had fallen in front of his eyes, so Ray couldn't see the thought process on the man's face. All he knew was that strained, sickly smile.

With effort, Ray swallowed.

"M-my name is Ray. Ray Walker. I'm -- I know what really happened. I'm trying to help."

Though he might have been imagining it, Ray thought the pain in his scalp was lessening and that Marty's had lowered his knife.

"You're that kid?" The man's tone wasn't very impressed, but it wasn't like Ray had expected a sudden rush of compassion. His heart was still racing at a million miles an hour -- anything could happen. "What, here? In my garage? Talking to me?"

"Tryin' to." Ray's eyes were watering, and he heard the steady drip, drip of his own blood making dots on the garage cement. He gestured feebly to the green '65 Ford Fairlane sitting innocently not ten feet away from where he lay . "Nice car. You don't, uh, see many of those any more."

In a contemplative fashion, Marty let go of Ray's hair to brush his own out of his eyes. The brown locks, stringy with sweat didn't stay where they had been pushed, but Ray got a clearer look at his would-be killer -- dark, sunken eyes without the spark of sanity.

Marty lumbered to his feet. He tossed the knife away, end over end 'till it clattered to rest at the work bench with the screwdrivers and wrenches. Ray would have taken a deep breath of relief, but he thought it would hurt too much.

"Not from the Consortium?" Marty gave a twitch that might have been a shrug, and then he made an odd sound that might have been a laugh. "Get up, then, and come inside. I'll fix you some ice for your nose."

  • 17 Replies
MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,386 posts
Shepherd

It is interesting, but in the intro you rushed it a wee bit. Nice details, but don't add TOO much, then you lose track of the actual story.
Good Cliffhanger, good ideas. Looking forward to the next update.

Tavira
offline
Tavira
26 posts
Nomad

Could you, like, give examples of details that were 'too much' so that I can avoid losing track of things in the next installment?

And the next chapter will be up tomorrow, sometime. Which is in itself irrelevant depending on your current time zone. Heh.

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,386 posts
Shepherd

eh, I can't seem to point it out... It just gives off that... feeling. I think this might give you a little idea.

Ray's eyes were watering, and he heard the steady drip, drip of his own blood making dots on the garage cement. He gestured feebly to the green '65 Ford Fairlane sitting innocently not ten feet away from where he lay


The detail is nice, but don't overdo it, ya know?
The part about the eyes wasn't neccessary, because the drip drip of his blood added a nice touch.
The innocent laying of the car wasn't needed either. Cause pointing out that he feebly gestured to it, and it laying 10 feet away was good enough.

But it was still nice.
Tavira
offline
Tavira
26 posts
Nomad

_____________________________________

Marty paced the small living room aimlessly, scratching the back of his neck at odd intervals as he surveyed the youth perched on the edge of his sofa.

"Sorry -- " The man grunted every five minutes or so, to which Ray would automatically reply -- "It's fine."

He was lying through his teeth, of course, since his nose was occupied with a ziplock full of crushed ice. Head tilted back, he stared up at the ceiling tiles just knowing his eyes were already turning black and blue. Great. Just great. How was he going to explain this one?

Ray heard Marty flick the television on, and then off again -- he had done so twice in the last quarter hour in an attempt to defer the awkward energy stirring the air. It wasn't working, and Ray just wished he'd sit down.

Though he was still in pain, Ray took it upon himself to absorb details of the room he was in. There were movie posters and interesting things mounted on the wall from all different eras -- the 70's, the 90's, present-day .. everything from St. Elmo's Fire to the Lord of the Rings, and even It's A Wonderful Life.

To an untrained eye, it just looked like Martin Shardae had a wide taste in entertainment -- but to a detective like Ray Walker, it meant that Marty was trying his hardest to pretend like he was human.

"So -- " After the twentieth lap from the couch, to the window and back again, Marty finally worked up the composure to speak. " -- So you're .. not from the Consortium?"

Frowning, Marty reached for something in the pocket of his coat as though ready to rectify the situation in case he had misheard things. Oh dear. Ray hastily cleared his throat.

"I am not from the Consortium."

He couldn't have said it any slower or clearer, and so Marty's hands dropped back to his side. A second later they leaped to his hair, though, and then migrated to the back of his neck once more. Ray watched him warily.

"Do you know what they say about you?" The killer whispered.

"Depends who you ask." Ray replied wryly.

"Some think you're a joke, like the Consortium were playing with us. Others -- the ones you've helped in the past, they still don't know what to think. I mean, you're human. You don't .. you don't have any training. Anything. And you, you still manage to do what the rest of us can't. You still manage to stand up to them."

Ray couldn't pretend he hadn't heard this sort of thing before. He was a liability, a hero, and a huge laugh to people like Marty -- sometimes it got him praised, but sometimes it got him punched in the nose by a man who could have done much worse. Ray shifted the ziplock, wincing slightly.

"Let's get down to it, then." It was already -- Ray glanced up at the clock -- 12:30, and he wanted to at least get some sort of sleep tonight. His 'wanting' something, of course, never usually amounted to anything, but the least he could do was get Marty back on track. "Alright, so tell me. What's your side of the story?"

As though he had been waiting his entire life to be asked that question, Marty sat down at the other end of the sofa, brushed his long hair out of his eyes, and began to speak.

When Marty told a story, it became as fractured and jumpy as he was. Ray had a hard time keeping up in places, especially when the man would double back, forgetting something. In this way Ray sat and listened for almost an hour, when any sane man would have wrapped things up in about ten minutes.

It didn't help, either, that every so often Marty would get entirely too worked up over the narrative and leap to his feet, shouting about how he 'hadn't killed her! He hadn't!' and another time, how there was 'so much blood, from a little person -- but I left!'

Now, Marty was roaring feverishly with his arms flung to the side. If there were any words in those long, drawn out vowels -- Ray couldn't glean anything from them. It was a tense scene, and the youth was barely breathing. He didn't dare say a word as the killer stood there, trembling.

Spent at last, Marty sank back down into a sitting position. He buried his head in his hands, and finished his account of things, voice hoarse from yelling. Ray was glad to be done.

Once it had indeed finished, Ray's mind whirled and his ears rang. He pieced it all together in the proper order, and realized one thing.

"You're right." The youth said softly. He lifted the bag of ice off his nose, so that he could tilt his head forward and look Marty square on. "The Consortium has no right to come after you."

Marty lifted his head out of his hands, glanced over at the tow-headed teen with dark, bleary eyes -- and suddenly he was a blur, lunging across the sofa. Ray gave a shout, sure that he was about to be --

-- hugged?

Sweaty, greasy hair fell into Ray's face as the killer expressed his gratitude the only way he knew how. Thinking it would be bad form to swear and jerk away, Ray let Marty pull him in a rib-crunching embrace -- however glad he was that his nose was out of commission.

"Ray Walker, thank you." Marty released him, and in the low-lit living room, Ray thought he saw that gash of a mouth twist into a normal(ish) smile. "No one would believe me. No one but you."

"Yeah, well .. " Ray gave a tug at his shirt, trying to situate himself again after being pounced. "It's in the job description." He rose to his feet. "I'll be in touch, Marty. And when I say I'll be in touch, I mean I'll be coming back here again soon."

The killer nodded. Ray blinked.

"So that means .. no unpleasant surprises." He reapplied the ziplock to his nose, again, to make a point. "Are -- are we clear on that?"

The killer nodded harder.

"Good." Ray cleared his throat, and glanced to the door. "Mind if I go out the front?"

The killer nodded yet again, and made it to the entryway at once. Ray noticed the vast assortment of deadbolts and chains staring back at him, realizing this was why he had been forced to come in through the garage. Marty's fingers flashed, undoing all of them, fumbling not once.

This manreally didn't like company.

"Thank you, Ray Walker." Marty wrenched the little-used door open, and Ray cheerfully pretended he hadn't seen the handful of earwigs scuttling for new cover. The killer gave a short stunted motion that looked almost like a bow. "I -- I look forward to hearing from you again. And I will not kill you."

"I appreciate it." Ray took care not to tread on the bugs as he slipped past Martin Shardae with an awkward nod, opened the screen door, and stepped out onto the front porch.

He had made it down the overgrown sidewalk, to the street and across where his Taurus was parked before he thought to look back.

The house was dark and Ray couldn't see anything, but he lifted his hand and waved at the living room window anyways. This was a safety measure, in case Marty had been expecting some additional token of farewell. Ray thought it better to wave absently than risk putting the killer off for their next meeting.

Once he had unlocked his car and slipped into the driver's seat, Ray seized the rearview mirror and jerked it down to inspect his nose. He looked like he had gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson. Ahh, crud.

Eh. Ray dropped the ziplock bag into the cup-holder, and jammed the key into the ignition. Now, this one would take some explaining ..

MoonFairy
offline
MoonFairy
3,386 posts
Shepherd

Better. I like it. Keep up the good work.

Cinna
offline
Cinna
753 posts
Nomad

Um sorry this is boring so yeah.

Tavira
offline
Tavira
26 posts
Nomad

Care to explain why it's boring? Care to give examples so that I can avoid that travesty in the future?

Cinna
offline
Cinna
753 posts
Nomad

Well it's choppy and repetitive and well there's a lot of talking. Don't say I need to find the "meaning" or whatever because I read it through. I just hope the next parts really pick up.

Tavira
offline
Tavira
26 posts
Nomad

I wasn't about to say you needed to find the 'meaning'. Again, I wish you'd give more specific examples for my sake, so that I could further improve based on your suggestion, but what's done is done.

I'll have something else up in the morning -- bear with it, there's a natural progression to every story.

Cinna
offline
Cinna
753 posts
Nomad

This manreally didn't like company.


before
-hugged?

When Marty told a story, it became as fractured and jumpy as he was. Ray had a hard time keeping up in places, especially when the man would double back, forgetting something. In this way Ray sat and listened for almost an hour, when any sane man would have wrapped things up in about ten minutes.


Perhaps a description of the story out of Marty's mouth?

It seems you are having a little trouble really putting out Marty's character. He seems an empty character when you have given him the potential for much more. I'll wait for the next installment to see if there's anything else a little funky, but I mean I like it so far.
snipershot325
offline
snipershot325
844 posts
Nomad

Cross Your Heart, Hope to Die.


Isnt that a song?Anyways really good story
Tavira
offline
Tavira
26 posts
Nomad

Ray waited upstairs until he was sure he heard Mom leaving for work at half-past six before resigning himself to the worst, trotting downstairs to the kitchen where Alaina sat picking at a bowl of Cheerios, reading the paper.

"You look like crap." His sister snickered, glancing up. "What time did you get in last night?"

"Late." Ray grunted.

Alaina slipped away from the table and was at his side, green eyes narrowed as she inspected the damage closer. "At least you put ice on it. The swelling isn't so bad, but those two shiners will give you away in a heartbeat."

She made to flick his nose. Ray gave an articulate -- "AUGH!" ducked, swore, and wandered over to the cupboard for his own breakfast.

"Yeah, well -- I can deal with a broken nose over a slashed throat." Ray swept a finger across his neck, ominously. "I thought I was a goner a few times there, last night."

Having returned to her cereal, Alaina chewed thoughtfully. "I told you I should have gone along -- "

"Lain, he was paranoid enough with one person. Imagine if he thought we were partners from the Consortium?" Ray
reached for the Captain Crunch (his lifetime standby) and now hunted around for a clean bowl. "I needed you to cover for me, anyways."

"You're welcome, by the way." His sister checked her reflection in the back of her spoon, eyebrows raised. "So. This Martin guy. What is he, exactly?"

"Marty? Some sort of chaotic spirit. Fueled by malevolence, he's always got a desire to kill stuff and make trouble." Finding a bowl and a spoon, Ray ignored the need for milk and just dove right in.

"And the Consortium want him because .. ?"

"They assume -- " He was talking with his mouth full, now, and Alaina wrinkled her nose in distaste. " -- They assume since he is fueled by malevolence, that he has, like, a triple-digit kill count."

"And because you're helping him, you assume .. "

Ray swallowed, and cratched the back of his neck. " .. I assume that he's right when he says he hasn't actually hurt anyone."

"Ryamond, dear." Alaina sounded amused. "He punched you in the face."

"Alright, he hasn't killed anyone, then. And that's the difference. He can punch as many people as he likes, but so long as no one turns up dead, the Consortium can't touch him."

Alaina mulled this over -- chewing on the inside of her lip and angling her gaze somewhere over the fridge as she did so. Ray stared.

His sister was not amused. "What?"

"Nothing." He gave her a lopsided grin. "You just look like Dad when you do that."

Six months. He glanced to the side at the framed picture across the kitchen and on the dining room wall. Alaina nudged him back to present day.

"So when the deranged, slightly-insane demon guy tells you that he hasn't gone stabby-stab on some random people .. you believe him?"

"That's my job, Lain." Ray stared down at his bowl of cereal. "Besides, he was falling apart. You know, like a bad detox or something. I think that's why he's so twitchy and unstable. A guy like him needs to kill in order to function. I felt -- I felt kinda bad for him, in a way."

After two bites, Ray lowered his spoon. He wasn't very hungry anymore.

Alaina frowned. "Can he do that? If it's in his nature, can he avoid it? Hold himself accountable?"

"Evidently." Ray said, and he brought his dishes to the sink.

Sensing he was done talking about that particular subject, Alaina zeroed in on her brother's nose instead. "Hey -- what are you gonna tell everyone at school about, you know? Heck, what are you gonna tell mom?"

"I'll tell 'em .. that Carter hit me last night when I beat his kill streak in Call of Duty, or something."

"That'll never fly."

Ray tried to scowl, but the action made his face hurt. He settled for a severe lip-pursing. "It'll have to. He knows to play along."

"No, I'm talking about your story. Carter absolutely owns you in everything related to that game."

"You're less than helpful."

While it had taken him a few days to get used to, having Alaina aware of his work was nice. For once he could tell someone everything that was going on, and that was a relief.

As though she knew what was he was thinking -- that happened once in a while, with them -- Alaina grinned. Ray grinned back. They both cleared their dishes, and put the cereal boxes away.

Before the twins left the house for school (Alaina insisting very firmly that she would be driving), Ray ducked his head into the dining room one last time, and gave a thumbs up to his dad's picture on the wall. He would have said something brief -- just an old habit of his -- but Alaina had started pounding on the horn, in the garage, more than ready to get going and start their day.

Cinna
offline
Cinna
753 posts
Nomad

Who's older?

Nater
offline
Nater
1,296 posts
Nomad

I really like the story. I like the little details you put into it.

Tavira
offline
Tavira
26 posts
Nomad

As far as high school counselors went, Dwight Bleyfield was one of the best.

Or, at least, he liked to think so. Mr. Bleyfield proudly displayed all his plaques, notices of recognition, and even a few parent letters on the far wall of his office at West County High School. Certified from the National board of Whatever, lauded by the Important Association of Wealthy Men, etc.

All teenagers (he thought) needed someone to guide them through their high school years, someone who had been there before. He was more than happy to be that friend, a person the student body of WCHS could relate to, and count on in their times of trial.

And so Mr. Bleyfield made an effort to preface most of his sentences with something along the lines of -- 'when I was your age .. ' and end them with any hip, cool phrase (he imagined) the kids were saying these days. This resulted in awkward cliche-ridden sentiments like 'Things have always been that way, sport.' and 'I've been there before, bro! -- things that, of course, the kids were most certainly not saying. Mr. Bleyfield was the laughingstock of the entire school.

Ray kept all of this in mind as he swung open the door to Mr. Bleyfield's small, rather cramped office and felt a wave of stale sweat, slight mold and shriveled ambition wash over him. This resulted in a slight cough as he fully entered the room.

"Raymond!" Mr. Bleyfield whirled at the sound, beaming with almost frightening energy. Curiously, the next part of his greeting involved reaching for a small tin tray. "Would you like a mint?"

Before Mr. Bleyfield's stubby fingers could even wrap around the thing, Ray cut in with a polite, firm -- "No." as he was sure he had seen that exact handful of mints on that tray for the last three years.

Mr. Bleyfield's brilliant smile faded a few watts, and Ray felt a rush of pity. Hesitantly, he reached out and took one of the off-white squares, and popped it into his mouth.

"You, uh." Chalky. Very chalky. Ray chewed with some difficulty. "You said you wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Yes, Raymond. I did want to see you." Mr. Bleyfield turned his smile up again, and gestured to an unsteady, miserable-looking blue chair. "Sit, sit!"

Ray carefully obliged. Mr. Bleyfield watched him the entire time, fierce smile fading a bit into a very fixed, very anxious sort of stare. "Well, Raymond .. I just, well, I'm worried about you."

"Worried?" The youth ventured, frowning. And then it hit him like a thunderclap.

Oh, crud. He's staring at my nose.

"You've got quite a battle wound there, champ!"

"Carter hit me." Ray said automatically.

What Ray didn't know was that once he had first told his story to the school nurse, a member of staff had approached Carter Fleetham at morning break to confirm the story. Unfortunately, it had taken Carter a few too many seconds of -- "What? I didn't even -- why are you -- oh!" to be credible. And so now Ray was spending his noon break in a too-small office having his throat coated by a decrepit mint from the 1980's ..

"No, Raymond. We know Carter didn't hit you." Mr. Bleyfield said with sad eyes. "I just, well, I just called you here so that you know that if there's anything you want to talk about, anything you -- "

"What do you mean?" Ray asked, a bit sharper than he had intended.

Mr. Bleyfield gazed at him steadily in what (he hoped) was a caring and considerate way. Then, the man reached behind him to his desk (chair squeaking unhappily) until he found himself a clipboard. Ray felt like he knew where this was going.

"Last month you came to school with bruises all on your arms, not to mention various cuts and lacerations. In March you had -- you had burns, small burns on your neck, and just two weeks before that your arm was in a sling and your head wrapped for -- " Mr. Bleyfield looked up from what were probably meticulously scrawled notes. "As you can see, this is a very, very sad list."

"What can I say?" Ray kept his voice even. "I have horrible luck."

"Yes, with a .. with a tree, a campfire, and putting your tie on for spring prom, if we go by your report." The man consulted the pages again, flipping back and forth. He shook his head, as though disappointed. "Raymond. I just, I just wish you would trust me. I'm what you call a professional." He gave a wave to the wall of plaques -- one of which, Ray was sure, had been awarded by a course on the internet. "I can help you. I can make it so that no one has to hurt you anymore!"

Ray licked his lips. He didn't like where this was going. "Now hang on just a second -- "

" -- Raymond, I understand that it's been six months since your father, well, you know -- but that's no excuse for your mother to -- "

"Woah, what? You think my mom did this?"

He pointed to his recently taped nose, surprise and outrage so clear, so defined that Mr. Bleyfield had no words -- only stared back with his mouth slightly open, blinking small watery eyes.

"Carter punched me in the face." Ray repeated, slowly this time. "End of story. Leave my mother out of it."

Mr. Bleyfield looked like a startled fish, in all honesty. When he finally closed his mouth, he looked more like a wilted fish. "Oh, Raymond .. "

"Okay. Okay, fine!" Ray flung his arms in the air. He was more than done with this. "You want the truth? Here it is. I'm secretly a detective, and last night I went to follow up a lead with a suspect -- but he ended up punching me in the face out of paranoia since everyone wants him dead. Alright? Is that good enough for you?"

Ray's ears rang from the repercussion of his own voice. He sat there poised, with bated breath. The sheep in the room (there were a lot of them, actually -- in posters, mugs, calenders) all seemed to stare at him, shocked. Ray just stared back.

Mr. Bleyfield drew a pen from the front pocket of his shirt, clicked it once, brought the tip down to the clipboard, and began to write furiously.

"I wish -- " The man said in a weary voice, not looking up. "Raymond, I just wish you would take this seriously."

Ray glanced at the clock -- it was too early to feasibly be 'saved by the bell' but Mr. Bleyfield was really getting into his writing, there. Hesitantly, the youth stood.

"Can I go now?" He asked loudly.

When he got no reply, Ray just took the opportunity to walk out the door, not bothering to shut it behind him. His first order of business was to find a water fountain to get that chalky taste out of his mouth -- and then he was going to have a long talk with a kid named Carter ..

Showing 1-15 of 17