Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → My Work

Once I soared above the clouds
Now I hide beneath the ground
Dreaming of those times joy in my heart
But in reality I sit alone in the dark
Waiting and listening as battle goes on
As everything is lost as nothing is won
But now I stand above the rubble
Ready to fight among the trouble
Gun in hand I charge ahead
Knowing full well that I am nothing but dead
GhostGS

This is Amazing! Great poem!

The only thing I disliked about it was its lenght. Hope you can make the next one longer?

to be honest mate... i think that took me like an hour to come up with. its really hard trying to think up rhyming words

Well, poems take some sacrifice. But anyways, It's your work, not mine.

Meet your savior

It's a really useful site. Anyways the poem was quite good, I liked the darker themes behind it. I wouldn't worry about the length too much, it seems fine to me.

this day comes as one big surprise
i honestly couldn't believe my eyes

we stood in shock as men rained down
landing on our very own ground

we then realised that this wasn't normal
as they moved....very neat and formal

we knew what they were with their guns and kit
we all looked at each other thinking that this was it

we ran for the door knowing of our plight
only to stop, n turn and prepare for the fight

i wait for them hiding in the dark
and i hear the beating of my very own heart

it echoes in my ears
reminding me of my fears
now to be replaced by the thunder that I hear

as i watch the terrible scene unfold
as i see people I knew stop dead...cold

Nothing but anger boils my blood
Channeling it out like one big flood

I charge at my enemy with nothing held back
I crash, then smash him over his pack

With no one around I take his gear
And prepare myself with no more fear

I walk off into the corridor firing only twice
When I see an image that wasn't very nice

There lay the bodies of many I knew
Of all the cherished memories i gained as I grew

i look at them and realise i feel empty inside
nothing but my pure hatred reside

i then lead myself to the ouside
holding my gun ready in a confidient stride

i said hello
then good bye
GhostCS

This one i believe isn't as good as the last one but it covers the length issue XD

Actually I think if you polish the other one up just a little bit, it could be a lot better than this one. It was pretty good though, the only thing that I could recommend is perhaps have longer stanzas rather than so many of them.

Pretty much. I like this one too.

Turmoil
Hopefully you will be able to read my story that i created last year for english. mind you i am not the greatest writer but i do have creative stories but over the last 2 years my work has started to become more relevant to one theme of a dystopia world. this story is about Casper who has forgotten who he was. the story picks up after a couple of months after Casper has regain control of his thoughts and personality. well enjoy

That's better. Say, is that a drawing?

its a photoshopped piece for art from last year. i also did a drawing which reminds me that i should get that stored on the computer.
the elements are me, a zombie pic, blood splatters, background is a creepy street i found at night and the shadows in background are paint from adobe photoshop. i did an enhanced version of this but alas it was lost, possibly my brother deleted it.

Well, uhm. I like them, but use commas and stuff, it really builds up the emotion in it if you do. Cause without commas it sounds like some speech you are trying to hurry up and get through with. But they are good without it. Make sure you don't make the line too long okieday? I look forward to seeing more of your work and your skills developing :3

Which piece of work were you referring to Moonfairy... ooh i forgot to name them
okay the first short poem is
courage till the end
the second is called
invasion
and the artwork is called
Zombies!!

it might not be work but i do enjoy photography
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=57411&id=100001017095272