I have never wrote a story before except for English class in high school so this might not be very good or in very good form. No title yet, also not even close to finished yet. I hope you enjoy and please give some feedback.
A great man died today. He was a soldier, he was a Sargent, but most of all he was my friend. He was a man with a thousand words but chose a few of them to repeat into my ear on a daily basis. âThink with yer head not yer gunâ. This phrase will stick with me through out the rest of my lifetime. We didn't know what we were getting into when we left that day. We were walking through the blistering cold, I could feel my veins pulsating through my body as the snow kicked it around like a rag doll that just would hold back. We were a small group sent to do a very big job, the problem is that we had no idea what it is that we were going to do at that point. Sargent was leading us, behind him was Macmillan followed by Garza and then me in the very back. Macmillan is a straight forward guy that would go to hell and back if he was given the order to. Garza, well to be honest I think he just joined to blow sh** up. I could tell by the way he moved that sarge was looking for somewhere to take cover from this cold. I couldn't blame him for that because my toes felt like I could pick them off my body like grapes on a vine. After searching for a little while longer we found a cave to huddle into until we got our orders and a sense of direction It was dark so I figured now was a better time then any other to pull out my lighter. As I looked around the cave all I saw was a sad bunch of men freezing to death while looking at a radio like fat kids in a candy store. Sarge picked it up and tried to connect to command. âCommand this is bravo team, do you copy?â. There was nobody on the other end of that line. Looking back now this was one of the red flags that lead to our misery. Sarge should have gone with the fallacious feeling sitting in his gut, swimming into his thoughts, but he didn't. We waited in that cave for about 4 more hours, for all we knew the radio was broken and we had a rescue team on the way. I looked over at Garza, he was fiddling with some kind of enormous machete. I don't know where he got the thing but I was not about to question him about it. He said few words so I knew nothing about him. Macmillan was to the side of the cave sitting on a stone in the kind of pose that they put kids in on picture day at school. He had everything to lose but nothing to worry about. Then I said the sentence I would regret the rest of my life. âSarge, you know we can't just sit here and freeze to death. If we don't move out we are going to start literally freezing are a**es off.â Sarge replied with shaking his head left and right and then saying âYou know we can't go anywhere without approval. Besides where do you suggest we run off to?â I thought about it for a second, and it hit me. We were in the middle of nowhere and there was a very good chance we could die if we move out of this cave I have begun to hate. Then I said something that surprised even me. â I would rather they find my dead body buried in snow then sitting in a cave with Garza's machete down my throat.â We all laughed at that for a second until my words finally kicked in. âalright soldier's prepare to move out!â.
Almost half a page gone and everyone's yet to comment on the actual story. I liked it very much; something about it really grabbed my attention. The only trouble with it is a few minor errors in spelling, grammar and the way you've worded some of your sentences. But like I say, they're only minor. I hope you've written more..?
Thank you. Sorry for those minor mistakes, like I said I dont do much writing at all.
It was a long and horrifying hike in the middle of nowhere through what appeared to be an endless amount of snow. It reminded me of walking on a treadmill because no matter how many steps you take you still see the same thing in front of you. It was the kind of situation where all you can think about is death, when will it happen, how will it happen. God only knows what was going through the rest of the teams head at the time. We had weapons that were of no use to us at this point, a depleting supply of food and a broken radio. The food was depleting so fast it made you feel terrible just for giving the signal to stop to eat. Its hard for some to imagine feeling guilty for doing something necessary for life. Since it was my idea to leave in the first place I had the most guilt on my shoulders, but I had no idea that soon enough food would be the least of our problems.
At this point we had been traveling for 3 hours in a random direction with nothing but hope on our side. That is when we saw a light at the end of this snowy tunnel of death. Sarge saw something ahead through the blizzard. He told us this by pointing his two fingers at his face and then up front. We slowly stumbled our way to sarge. I don't know how sarge saw the building through the snow on our current position but their was definitely something there. Sarge gave us order 4, this meant me and Garza have to go around the side while Sarge and Macmillan set up recon on the current position. That was the last time I ever saw Sargent Anthony Miller alive.
We did as we were ordered and went around the side, this was so that we could get a closer look and get a different point of view then Sarge and Macmillan. That is when we saw the hell that we were inevitably going to face. Their were roughly 40 armed men, 3 armored trucks all coated in winter camouflage. As I was standing in awe of what I was watching Sarge came in on the walkie-talkie , the only working piece of equipment we had. "Garza, what's your status?" I immediately picked it up and responded "sarge the whole area is surrounded with armed men!" he responded swiftly with "How bad are we outnumbered?". "I can see about 3 armored trucks and enough men outside to fill up all of them.". This time he did not respond quickly like before. In fact he was quiet for almost a minute until he finally said "well I guess it will be a fair fight then.". That joke somehow made me feel as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders because I knew he had no intentions of fighting off an army for no purpose. I started responding to sarge on the walkie "I think we should spare these ones, wouldn't want to hurt their feelin-" Then I stopped talking. That terrible feeling of weight I had before came back except it was 10 times worse now.
I felt a gun push against my spine and I heard a loud deep voice from behind me. âFreeze! Drop your weapon!â. I did as he asked and put my hands in the air slowly. He had taken the gun off my back but I could still feel a pain in my spine, this pain was from fear. I could not see him but I knew he could have easily killed me right there right then. I couldn't help but peer to the right a little to see what happened to Garza. Right as I was about to look over the man put something over my head and tied it tightly around my neck. It was so tight around that I could feel my pulse on my neck. Thats when I passed out. When I woke up I still had the bag over my head but it was loose, I guessed that they figured out what had happened and saved me for some reason. My arms were tied up and my feet could barely touch the ground with the tips of my toes. While I was dangling on the wall I thought about my team, about how I was going to get out, my mistakes that led me there, and about who these guys were. As I was thinking through these things a man came over to me and ripped the bag off my head which came as a surprise to me because I had not sensed that he was there. The man was built like a gorilla on steroids but carried a small pistol. He reminded me of a looney toons character except this was all to real for me. He got up very close to my face and yelled âwhere the hell is it?â. Puzzled and still getting my eyes used to the light in the room I said âwhat are you talking about?â. Immediately after he yelled âyou think this is some kind of joke?â He quickly jammed the pistol against my skull and said âwhere is it?â still puzzled and disoriented I replied the same answer âI do not know what you are talking about.â. After that he swiftly did a 180 turn and power walked over to the door showing no emotion the entire walk. I stood their, dazed and confused about what was happening. A few minutes later the man stomped back in the room again but this time with another man with a bag on his head just like I had been. It was Macmillan, before I could say a word the man ripped off his bag and shot him. My friends blood was spattered across the floor in a pool of ignorance and hatred.
