hey every one its me!!!!!! I'm going to make a story heres part 1 if you want to be in any other parts just ask meh!
PART 1
its year 2056, one year after meeting an alien army and now they end up in a war, the war is on Pluto. Pluto has air and gravity now. anyways lets get started, teams bravo 5, alpha 41, Charlie 55 and delta 99 were all in a battle all over Pluto: "move it troops, there advancing!" yelled Sgt. coldblast over the shooting."shit why do we not have plasma weapons?" asked corp. hard."because, were not aliens, and we don't smell like shit like they do!" yelled Sgt. coldblast. the aliens started moving closer and closer, "BLARGGGG!" yelled an alien at the back of an alien ship. then some humans get shot in the head by something like a sniper rifle. "they got sharp eyes those snipers, get your heads down!" yelled pvt. hill. mean while at the same time but at a human base in the sky delta 99 were having trouble..... to be continued! hey guys heres some Alien ranks in order: blargect: privates for aliens sore eyes: upfront aliens good eyes: vehicle drivers sharp eyes: snipers elites: Sgt's aliens thats all. next part coming Thursday or Friday or on the weekend!
Okay, now here is where I start feeling the hate again.
I appreciate your attempt, but with something like this you need more depth and you need to EXPLAIN things a lot more clearly. To me this just reads as if you're spitting out idea after idea and there's only the barest of connections between them. I'm not saying spoonfeed your audience (I hate people that spoonfeed) but I'm saying to give your audience a foundation. Right now I see nothing here but the barest of skeletons
