I can feel it creeping A crawling madness Thorny and prickly Pushing my sanity To the edge of an Abyss I know not. God help me. I'm going mad.
I can feel it creeping Oh bitter sweetness Of madness that kills me That drains my spirit And renders me incapable An incoherent dunce. God help me I'm going mad.
Rather powerful poem, it definitely has some emotional impact. The message is quite clear and the subject matter is profound. Also I don't see any grammatical, or spelling errors, both seem proper. The words create an appropriate mood. The choice of words is probably the best, the only word I personally don't like a lot is "rickly". Perhaps "briary" or "burry" would be better. Lastly the poem is mostly original, there are only few cliches (the edge of the abyss and the bitter sweetness). Using a few cliches though is not a big deal, I believe that too much criticism has been leveled against the cliche.
Overall I think its a quite good poem, it affects the reader, but in my opinion it does not get under his skin.
Good work Wolf, keep up and soon you will write great poems.
, the only word I personally don't like a lot is "rickly". Perhaps "briary" or "burry" would be better.
Goumas, I was in total agreement with you until you suggested Wolf1991 exchange prickly for briary or burry? Thorns prick at your skin and stick into your clothes, hair and even shoes. I know this root word has been over used as a noun, incorrectly...
To Wolf1991, Good stuff! This is the type of poem that I like to reread. I like the metaphor of the madness prickly the mind, like thorns. My only suggestion is to give more detail. It's always a pleasure to read your writings, though.
