Teacher said write page and half or so about something that happened to us and a revelation. Due and finished today, so probably won't apply anything, but still would like critiques for future.
Quietly, I lay back on the sticky leather couch, patiently waiting in the homeostatic atmosphere. In that moment, all that I had seen as monotonous earlier was, verily, melancholy. Faint whispers of acknowledgement leisurely fluttered to my ears and the rush for clarity plagued my thoughts here-to-after. Upon hearing approval, on the condition of clandestinity, I stumbled out into one of the first few damp days of summer. As I drudged on through the forest of houses and cars, balladic power chords venomously fought any intrusive fracas I could have encountered. Memories flashed before me caused by my recognition of the sweet dewy hue of the day. At last the two story house loomed in the distance. Eagerly, I hopped up the old rock steps and rapped on the door. A puzzled elderly stare shocked me into preemptive apology. I backed down and continued my search. A clone of the former house stood down near the corner. When I arrived, I mentioned my unfortunate incident and was met with laughter, âThat happens all the time.â He showed me his latest project. It was a virtual menagerie of downloads specifically for my handheld device. The wait would be long, so we tromped downstairs to his mancave. Our first order of business was a futuristic war. I requested to play as a stronger, more heavily played character, but my friend-turned-foe refused for reasons unknown to me. Perhaps the thought of another person inhabiting the characters he had built over months filled him with jealousy. In the end, though, he relented. Seizing my chance to experience a battle in which I was heavily favored, I fought with relish. My fingers and thumbs flew across the controller as my character fought valiantly. Too soon, the battle was over, and I felt deflated. An easy win is not nearly as fulfilling as one hard fought.
From there your writing style changes quite a bit I felt. The first paragraph was very good, I thought. If your my age or younger than your teacher may not think it's your words. "That happens all the time" =) If I knew what year you are than I could make an assessment on what your grade will be =)
