Feedback and comments are greatly needed! Please give me tips to make my writing skills better! And most important of all have fun reading!!!
Chapter I: The Dungeons of Figashe-Narro
The kneeling boy languished at his cell, weary, scared, and dying. He looked around him, and saw nothing but pitch black. The tight shackles that locked his hands made him bleed when he tried to move. The old cloth that covered his cell blocked the light, seeming to steal the breathable air, and that it left the boy nothing but poison that crippled his lungs. He feels and hears insects and rodents walking at his legs. He remembers nothing... not even his age that was fourteen, and not even the reason why he was jailed.
He again began his futile attempt to look around, but did not see anything. After much agony, he heard something, something different from the constant noise of the vermins in his cell, something different from the shackles that made him bleed, something different from the sound of the poisonous air. It was footsteps! He was very much happy. But then the thought that those footsteps was his jailors further frightened him. The sound got closer and closer, and finally, he heard the sound of keys, opening his cell. The door was opened, slowly, and it was the only time he caught a glimpse of light. A man entered, creeping, and he set the boy free.
"Let's go! We're getting out of here." the man said. These words have made the boy very glad, but still, he was very weak. The man walked outside of the cell, and the boy followed. The boy have finally seen what was outside of his cell, and though it was full of decaying corpses and had pools of blood, he was still happy for atleast know, he can
move. He hobbled his way, following the man that helped him. His vision was very blurry to even see their destination, and his mind too weary to even remember the last turn they undertook. He felt that he walked for miles, and with it he felt dizzy. The man grabbed him and asked "Are you oka...." but the boy lost consciousness before he could even hear the man's question.
The boy regained consciousness, not knowing how much time passed by. He slowly rised from the ground, and looking around realized that they were no longer in the cell No, they were very far from the cell. They were outside! Outside the dungeon! The boy had caught a sight of the sun, have felt once again the soft grass, and finally saw the outside world. But it was too early to celebrate for when he turned his gaze, he saw the man that helped him, along with other prisoners, running. The man pulled him, gripping the boy's arms. After pulling the boy and lying him in a ditch in relative safety, the man grabbed a sword from the ground, and charged valiantly from the direction they were running from. The other prisoners did the same. The boy was curious, for he did not see what they were charging at. He slowly tried to get up, but he fell. He did it again and again, and finally for the sixth time, he stood up swaying, weak and fragile. It seemed that if the wind was to oppose him, he would fall.
While standing he saw what the man and the other prisoners charged, they were warriors. The footmen wore shiny metal armor, and had with them shields large enough to cover themselves. Though the prisoners wore no armor but their clothes, they did not stop, charging as fast as they couldion. Some of them were instantly killed by the soldiers, but some prisoners proved dominant against the soldiers. There was nothing but brutality in the scene, and blood was splattered everwhere. There was nothing that he could do for he does not know how to wield a blade. The prisoners seem to be losing, and they were forced to retreat. He was still widely stricken with fear, and although he knows he must run, he could not, for seemingly his feet was planted on the ground. The prisoner's enemy caught up, and it proved that they were not mearly bladewielding footmen. Along with them are some men, but they're clothing greatly distinguishes it from the others. They wore red robe with a large metal plate covering their body mass, and they carried no weapon but a single wood, about the size of a walking stick. The boy had been observing them for a while, and before he knew it one of them was right in front of him. It raised its hand clutching with it his staff. It was inevitably to hit him, if it wasn't for the quick action of the prisoner that helped him get out of the cell. The boy laid down flat on his stomach and saw the prisoner punch the man wearing the robe, and before long it was down. It wasn't that easy though, for many of the warriors and other men wearing red robe closed in. The prisoner valiantly fought, but he was overwhelmed. The boy crawled and because of his movement he had touched the staff the man with a red robe was carrying. From the point he had touched the staff he have felt differently, for it seemed that his energy went into the staff. The end of it lit up green, and with it a force, shattering the serenity of the air around him. A sheet of white light enveloped the field for a fraction of a second, and when it was gone, it rendered the warriors and the prisoner disrupted, and only the men wearing the red robe were unaffected...
"Come fool!" A man wearing red robe told him. "If you are a spellcaster yourself, then let us fight! Unlike the other prisoners, you are a spellcaster, this should prove interesting."
But before his enemy attacked him, other prisoners pulled him and the man which helped him were also pulled. The prisoners carried them, running. The boy was still holding the staff, and observed it while he was being carried. The staff's body looked like a normal walking stick, but it's two tips where a completely different story. Both of them were sharp, and one had a diamond stone embeded in it, while the other had an empty hole in it. Eventually the boy noticed a difference in speed of his carrier...
--- Chapter II, III, IV, V, VI are already done, but I won't post them yet :P I'll see how you all will react to my story.
Well. It is very good to pass the time. But, Too much detail can be a bad thing. You don't leave anything for the reader to imagine. It is a good beginning, and I will be watching how it develops. I also suggest that you remember to space out your paragraphs correctly. Good luck.