A little.. thing..*Cough* That I wrote 'cause I enjoy writing. Have fun.
The new beginning is upon us. Noah was right. We're doomed. We should have listened. It's to late, however. No hope. No hope. Do what you can to survive. Good luck. I've accepted it, myself. I've accepted my fate. I've accepted the fact the God has grown sickened in our sin and is going to destroy all but Noah and the animals. Noah is more pure than any of us. He is far less sinful. That is why God has chosen him. Think about that. If you could go back in time. Think about all of those things you'd change. All of us would be drastically changed people. I'm running out of time. The water is up to me knees. The people are helpless. The animals are helpless. Grow some gills. It's the only chance of survival. It's to late to ask Noah for a ride. No second chances. You had yours. The date is February 17. The fate is death. The hope is none. It's over. If you can survive for a year on a boat than be my guest. The people are already fighting for wood, boats, supplies, and food. You'll never make it. I am purposely trying to make you give up. Because it easier than trying and failing. Because failing is what's going to happen. I'm not sorry. I don't feel sorry for any of us. This was our fault. The extent of sin we have done is to great. I don't know what to tell you except give up. Go have fun. Do it quick. Because this is your last day. I'm running out of time. The water is up to my chest. I'm surprised the equipment hasn't gone bad. It must be a sign from God. God almighty. The most powerful. The glory of God itself can kill a man. Speaking of death. Death is what we are. Death is what we have become. Give up. Because we are death. We made this future. We brought it upon our selves. I'm on my tip toes. It's almost over. Do you feel honored? To die like this. Die from overwhelming sin. We have become wicked. We are wicked. The is Katie Floodwater signing out. It is finished world. *Bubble sounds*
You crammed a lot of different stimuli into that. Is the bouncing around from different topics what we undergo as we are dying? Perhaps, I'm not dead so I don't know. If you wanted to improve this I would look at extending it into a longer story and trying to give a bit more depth into your meaning. Katie Floodwater doesn't seem at all perturbed that she is drowning. Unless she is having a bath. In any case, it doesn't read like a news story.
The sentences seemed a bit choppy. Perhaps they were meant to be that way for a sense of numbness, or just a lack of writing skill, but either way, that didn't turn out well. In addition, the grammar skills really bugged me. Really. But the reason I didn't enjoy it was mostly the religious cram-down-the-throat bit. I mean, I know it's Noah's Ark and all, but does it really have to have that? Why not have human reactions to the apocalypse, instead of this drab, emotionless, and religious acceptance? It's kind of boring.
Thanks guys. Constructive crit. I could use this. And Hyper it's lack of writing skill. I just recently got into writing. I'm working on a story at the moment. But thanks. This is good for me.
