Hello there, I am DV and this is my writing: i am hoping that ill get to start my sci fi story (which will have better grammar ) and probably post some random stuff.
but first here is a poem about velociraptors: Did you see those velociraptors? killing humans in by numbers in Jurrasic Park? Sometimes they went ahead and got into someone's shack politley came up to him and tear his skin apart with their two huge claws that never go sore and with their tricky knowledge of how to open doors though that is only a little story of science fiction very well writen down by the writer Micheal Crichton in fact velociraptors are dumb feathery and small though they hunt in big packs like teenagers at a mall five of them could go ahead and hunt a t-rex killing and hunting for them is like a reflex "what would happen if I'd get one for a pet?" You might ask I'll have to say that with such a pet you'll have no luck that's because it'll kill you and lil sister and, as scientists say, it will destroy the ecosystem for them there's no right nor wrong only kill and hunt "well" you say "that animal is one stupid little grunt!" well that is my song about them raptors hope you had fun oh and by the way I hope you won't be slashed down by one!
"what would happen if I'd get one for a pet?" You might ask
There are quite a few mechanical errors, like capitalization, spelling, and punctuation, but the meter is well done. I like your idea. It's very humorous. This poem just needs a little editing, and it'll be perfect!
As an afterthought, you said in the OP that you were going to post something with better grammar.... Why didn't you edit it in the first place?
This is really good and I hope to see more from you, DV.
I myself have quite a few very interesting ideas for Sci-Fi writing. To not spoil my best Ideas I decided to "keep them" until I am a better writer. For now I want to start wiriting one of my latest, not-so-big, ideas:
Here is the parasite concept: It was rather a windy day, newspapers thrown at the ground carelessly flying in the wind like leaves at fall. People marching in the streets, some home carefully watching their hologram tv for news of tommorow's launch. Rich families getting more landscape for their ownership as more poor one leave. Navy veterans saying good-bye to their families as they will take the privelege to once again serve their country, yet in a different way. A huge structure, as tall as a skyscraper at downtown beijing and wide as two neighboring neighborhoods. The structure itself was "attached" to 3 long towers with bridges extending into it. this huge and seemingly un-portable marvel of architecture was infact completley portable, and in less than two days it will out in space en route to a planet 17 light years away...
The satelite circled the green planet in a iosphere orbit. It took multiple pictures of the planet and sent a large capsule with multiple bots in it, then another one. In less than 10 days the planet was completley scanned and proven hospitable. The satelite then sent a transmission back to another mostly blue planet 17 light years away. The satelite then stretched out it's "wings" into a large square around it that could spread over a very long distance. Then it used an automatic command and it's engine to propel itself toward the planet. The former satelite then landed on the planet and its wings transformed into a landing place for future coming colony ships. "luanch in t-minus: 30 seconds" the electronic voice crackled through-out the ship. Hundreds or maybe thousands of people were on the ship waiting for the lift off. Some moms holding babies screaming that they know would grow up in such a closed down area full of steel. Of course there would be plantation on an artificial field in side the ship itself but it could never resemble the great surface of earth. Yet that was only the first 17 years. After those years they would arrive to a fresh new start, colony II Jarokus.
"mommy" the little kid said looking questiongly at his mother "where are we going, mommy" the mom looked puzzled, she didn't want to explain to much just now, there will be plenty of time later "we are going to a place with a lot of trees, Steve" the mother said hiding the whole truth of their trip. "will we come back home again mommy?" little Steve asked hopefully. The mother didn't want to answer that question, it wasn't the kind of question you answer your little kid just before the launch. "will I get to play with Charlie and Jessica anymore mommy?" Steve said forgeting about his last quesion. The mother just could not hold it anymore. "No Steve, no you won't" the mother said getting ready for her sons crying. Though Steve didn't cry, he sat back on his half-way-upwards facing chair and quiteley let his tears slip away without making a sound. "Im sorry steve but we just can't leave at portland anymore, we don't have he money, this was an invitation for a fresh new page in our life" the mother said with low voice. "Launch in t-minus 30 seconds" the voice crackled as steve sat on his chair. after what seemed like forever because of the huge tension a huge voice thundered loud like 50 explosions at the same time, then there was a sense of things moving, it felt kind of like a jet liftoff only much stronger and moving almost straight upwards. 16 highly powered rockets lifted the huge structure from the soil of cape canaravel, the structure left a huge trail of smoke and fire beneath it as it slowly rised higher into the sky. Inside the huge structure a low sound of a man said "ladies and gentelman thank you for taking the ship to the second human colony: Jarokus
The huge structure landed on the rough metalic surface that made up a landing site in the middle of forested area. The landing rockets finished the job by smashing the trees with tremendous force. it landed and only a mere hour later aliens to the planet came out and stepped on the rough ground of a different planet. Heavy trucks began to smash trees and flatten the area. 22 year old Steven Norman came out of the structure holding his mothers hands with excitement, all his life (except his early child-hood which no longer remembers) have set to prepare him for this moment. "were finnaly here mother" he said smiling, "were in Jarokus!" "I know son" the mother said "I know"
You know what time it is!? I do... what the..who are you? I am your alter ego what's that? it means I live in your mind thats kinda creepy.... sure is wait why are interrupting me? my name is jack what, you didn't answer my question... how come you have a name? Im a special alter ego...
anyways here is.. anyways what? argh please stop interuppting me! I can't im jack... well can you atleast let me spea.. no I can't... well this just sucks...
little feathers, a little white, a little red made of lines and fibers, like a hard piece of bread tiny scales, hidden behind the feather protecting the body from the coming weather long hands are stiff, claws of death frightning snarling at every breath teeth lined up, incredible sight teeth are sharpened, ready to bite looking at others, commanding attacks blood on his hands, his teeth now have cracks attacking in an instant, attack by surprise poison the muscles, kill, soon you will have your price.
my congratz to anyone who figures what the poem's about (its pretty clear though :P)
I'd like to dedicate this poem to whoever is trying to write a poem but can't think of good ideas.
sitting in my room, ready to write somehow now im not thinking right 'cause no ideas come, no rhymes at all now with this situation I can't reach my goal "argh!" I say now getting annoyed that all my creativity was suddenly destroyed I decide to just start writing, whatever comes to my mind random sentences, random words, for poetically I am blind I surrender the poem, on my bed I crash through my ideas, all to the trash I can't write a poem, I can't write a song maybe trying is a thing that is wrong then an idea arrives, after mind meditation lets write a poem about this situation!!!!
btw I have a question for you guys (yes you will actaully need to post something on this page, isn't it just horrible?) Im feeling I need the crowd's opinion on what to write next, so here are options for you to tell me what you want me to do:
1. more of the parasite, plus getting it fixed 2. more funny/ witty/ dumb poems 3. try to write serious poems (thats gonna be a challenge..) 4. start to write one of my different poems 5. stop writing becuase I suck 6. your own suggestion for something that I should try doing!
1. more of the parasite, plus getting it fixed 2. more funny/ witty/ dumb poems 3. try to write serious poems (thats gonna be a challenge..) 4. start to write one of my different poems 5. stop writing becuase I suck 6. your own suggestion for something that I should try doing! 7. writing poems and getting my punctuation/spelling/grammar right.
I thought this poem was pretty good. The rhythm is off, but it still works out....
Just kidding...
I'll go with #3 and #7. Honestly, you're a great writer, but your writings lack the technical qualities that help a reader enjoy any writing. If a poem or a story or anything else that is written isn't correct with the technical aspects of it, it isn't nearly as appealing.
