This story takes place in the small vilage Tellaroth, where our young hero Kyle Wynd, wakes on his 12th birthday which happens to be the day hes aloud to get his Magic License and Weapon Permit. He is an orphan the King supplys him with gold to get food and other necessities.
Chapter 1
It all started on my birthday. My 12th to be exact. I awoke to knocking on my door. I got up got dressed and went to see who it was. It was a knight. "Kyle Wynd?" He asked. "Yes." "The King requests your apperence at the New Castle, please prepare and take this telleporter stone when you are ready." He dissapered with a puff of smoke after seting a small purple stone in my hand. I ate got, on my best clothes and pulled out the stone. I set it down and steped on it, and was plunged into blackness.
Please tell me what you think, ill be posting more chapters.
This is pretty good, Unlimited. The story, however, seems kind of...abrupt. He wakes up, puts on clothes, and steps on a stone and disappears. It moves too quickly, leaving the reader in the dust wondering what just happened.
I do like the idea though. Maybe you should just stretch it out a bit and add a bit more to the plot.
I would like to see a lot more internal dialogue included, more of a lead up to this mysterious meeting. More background content included in intro so you can get a sense of the world you are trying to write for us.
Potential write in ideas -How he became an orphan -Him going about about daily life before this -Descriptions of characters and what they are wearing -Descriptions of the gem, knight, his home or the village
