Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Step by Step(Real Author from Dead Frontier)
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This is the real Drainer from Dead. Stumbled upon Biohazard Nation which I read on Dead Frontier and thought. What the heck why not spread my story.
So here it is. Note: I saw that the spaces at the starts of sentences weren't there. My PC screwed up so to Chapter 3 it will be like that sorry. The Chapter will also be longer.
Prologue
London,England 2011 March 9th 6:21 A.M
4 days After the Outbreak
The roaring CH-47 Chinook Helicopter flew closer and closer to the grounds.It wings sped around like blades making a quick Swoosh!.
On board the Helicopter were a squadren,A Pilot, four newly recruited soldiers, A female medic, And the leader of the mission was Sergeant Roger Flokson, There mission is to find survivors, or if there are any, and then report to the Chinook after five days.
As they got closer down Private Riley Beckett fumbled around with his weapon, looking for the safety, checking if his gun was loaded.Riley, A nineteen year old who was recruited, didn't know nothing about war.He was now getting the cold chills on his back and trembling.
Then the Pilot, Edger Tawson looked at the scared kid.
''Hey, Kid are you cold or are you scared?, if yer cold then zip up yer jacket'' The one-eyed old soldier looked at the rest of the squad in the rear-view mirror with his good right eye.
Riley nodded and said ''Yes, I'm both sir'', He zipped up his black jacket to his neck for warmth and finally found the safety and took it off.
Roger looked around and grinned. ''You scaly wags put on your masks, Tawson put this bird down, and the rest of you get ready we are landing.''
He said as he put on his gas mask.Tawson pulled a lever down and cranked another up top and landed safley on the street.''Open up the door mates!'' Tawson shouted.Private Tom Wayer and Roger both closest to the door used their brawny arms up slid the back door open with and ending with a screeching halt.
''Hop down mates!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olcfON2BE7o (Listen while reading)
Roger hoped down and looked through his hazard mask.Bodies were thrown everywhere battered,disembowled,dismembered, and even walking.Roger lifted up his heavy SA80 Rifle and looked through the scope with his finger on the trigger.
Then a Shambler saw him a snarled.It began to limp faster and faster to them.The Medic Nicole Vance looked behind that shambler and saw more joining in.Raising her Browning L9A1 handgun at the back zombies she quivered.''Flokson....Look behind that shambler.....Now''
she said in trembling words.
Roger tipped his head and saw a horde of infected.He signaled Tawson to leave with his gunner.Private Austin Gunther aimed his assault rifle and adjusted his mask so no stench of death would pass through.The horde was coming quicker and faster but the squad had to wait for orders to shoot.Austin then felt a cold grasp tugging on his jacket.He looked back and saw in horror as a shambler was opening it mouth ready to feast.
Austin headbutted it then without aiming he pressed his trigger back.It's body was now covered with bloody wounds.Gushing blood escaped out of it's wounds and dripped down it's flannel shirt.Falling to it's knees it let out a bloodcurling shriek.Austin then saw in fright as another horde of infected walked towards them.
''God All mighty.....'' Tom gasped as he turned around.He pulled back his trigger and let rounds escape.Private Bruce Van Brun shot at the first horde.The squad was now scrunched up with only two ways to go.Left to a dark alley or right to a food store.''Everyone follo' me now!'' Roger ordered before he made a mad dash to the store.Everyone still behind him ran in fright.Riley pumped his Benelli M4 shotgun and braked his feet.He fired a shell that gave him a recoil, the blast went directly to a male police man with a huge wound of decaying flesh that you could see his ribs and his entrails leaking out.
It's face split into two and blood launched to Riley's chest.Riley pumped it back and went back to his group but was now far behind.Bruce, who was a little in front of Riley, aimed his sniper rifle at the crowd of infected.A bullet escaped after another knocking down infected.''Come on mate I don't got all day!'' He screamed as a bullet rang through the air.
Riley dashed to Bruce and smiled and mouthed a thank you.Bruce unleashed rounds as the crowd approached him.Cold hands firmly grabbed onto his jacket and teared it off.He landed on his back on the ground with his gun knocked out of his hands.
He reached for his holstered SIG pistol and cocked it back.Unleashing more rounds as he crabwalked back.Infected were clinging onto his legs with their decaying hands or yellow teeth.He ran out of rounds and was now being slid into the crowd.Roger turned back and saw one of his men being killed at the hands of the infected.He dashed back and fired his assault rifle at the crowd until it stopped.He grabbed a hold of Bruce's shoulders and thrusted him out of the crowd.All that was left of the Czech man was half a bloody body.
One of his eyes chewed out and his chest cavity was open;missing a heart.Roger whispered a quick prayer then ran back to his squad who was opening the door.Nicole helped open the door then saw Roger coming back.Tom had now opened the door and let everyone in first.Tom came in and and shut the double doors but there was no lock.He looked around but could see nothing in this dark room.He turned on his flashlight that was on his gun and looked around and saw the group.
A rustle of bangs began to form on the door and then Tom saw it, a block of wood.He had to keep the door shut with both arms so he told Riley to get it and hand it over.Now with the wood he slid it between the handles then finally sat down.
''Bruce is gone sir?'' Riley asked in a pitched accent.Roger looked down then up.''Well he's in a better place than this god forsaken city..'' then he stopped at the sound of a gun cocking and a voice. ''Who's there!''
- 8 Replies
A female medic
REESE!!!
a huge wound of decaying flesh that you could see his ribs and his entrails leaking out.
Don't refer to the readers, we see nothing. You're describing it to us.
A bullet escaped
You seem to like the use of the word "escape" in all of its wonderful forms.
It's face split into two
I believe that you don't add the apostrophe there.
teared it off
Tore it off?
Roger turned back and saw one of his men being
New paragraph here, it's a new idea about Roger.
A nice little story, I enjoyed most of it except for the things I pointed out. Please continue?
[quote]Action is the real measure of intelligence.
-Napoleon Hill
Chapter 1
Brooklyn,New York ,March 9th 11:02 A.M./4 days After the Outbreak
Private Joe Cortez kepted running away and gasping for air.Salty,sweaty drops slid down to his hot skin and to his gunpowder-greased chin.Joe's throat ached for water or liquid to refresh it.The sun acted like a magnifying glass on a ant.And Joe was that Ant.
Screams of his fellow friends in his squad echoed back at him.Gunshots rang up from the park that he had to flee after he and his squad were ambushed.He could remember Carter Jameson still yelling at Joe for help.Carter was using his handgun while trying to save Gorden BlackWell.Shamblers were biting onto Carter's left arm and tugging at it for flesh.
''Help Somebody!, Joe come back! Please''.Joe had enough, he had to help.He took out his remaining handgun, a M9, From his holster belt.Wiping sweat of his face, He made a dash backwards.''Carter, you better like this'' he murmured under his voice.He clutched onto his handgun and started walking slower to not attract the moaning undead.He stood against a ally wall and poked his head out.
He scanned the road and saw a few cars.One car was burning hot, ashes and smoke rose to the top filling up the street with smoke.Another car,a Dodge Truck sitting behind a stop sign was open with the car keys in the ignition.He would have to come back to that car when he came back.Or if he would come back.He then saw starving undead creatures walking around moaning and sniffing around.
Joe pulled his head back behind the wall and slowly stepped out.Not getting noticed,He hurried up a little and then before he knew it he was past the road.He was getting closer to the park now.As he made his way down the sidewalk he heard a shrilling scream that sounded like Carter's.Carter was Alive! Or going to die.He saw a flash of a gunshot that showed itself out of a intersection ahead.
As Joe began to run a deep voiced moan rang in ears.He turned and saw something horribly disgusting.A infected man with bright green liquid dripping from his mouth looked at him about three yards away.As it opened it's mouth it's swollen gums hissed and it's purple eyes looked at him blankly.As the droplets of liquid escaped from his mouth and hit the concrete it began to burn.What the heck was this thing?!
It then screeched at the top of it's voice and it's Adam's Apple bobbed up then down.Then it gurgled up form of liquid from his mouth then upchucked it.Joe looked as it hit his Kevlar vest.It slowly began to acidate and go towards his skin.He plucked off his vest and threw it off and watched as the zombie yelled again.Aiming his gun he fired a round at it's head.As the bullet hit it's forehead the wound oozed and then the body burst into acid.
Joe dodged the droplets and ran back to the park.He blasted his way across the sidewalk thinking if there were more of those things, or are there more types?.He found the intersection and swirled around to it.He saw the park and it's playground.He went up a small hill then saw down at the playground.Bodies,shell casings,A Humvee, and infected.He walked own the inclined hill and saw a decomposing soldier with a half eaten face and a teared into torso and inside it was clean out of organs.
In disgust, He turned his head and wiped sweat off him.He scanned the area and saw nothing.He walked around to the Humvee.The door was flinging open and was covered in blood.Inside he saw a body with it's army uniform teared and scratched and missing all sorts of body parts.Then he saw who was that body.Gorden.Gorden shouldn't die like this.Joe dragged the body outside and put the other bodies in a pile.He remembered that he carried a match and looked for it.He checked his pocket in his pants and found ad box labled Matches.
He took it out and scratched it on the box and threw it at the bodies.Sizzling noises erupted from the fire.''See you guys..'' Joe said as he walked backwards and saw something on the ground next to him.A hand.No way! No way!,He thought.This can not be Carter's hand! Carter's hand!
The smell of crimson was fresh and the blood wasn't dry.
Joe felt like he was between a rock and a hard place.His brain racked thoughts about if Carter was okay or alive.Did Carter use a tourniquet or something.Joe didn't know.If he wanted to find out he would have to live longer.He felt alone as he began to walk across the park.Why had this happened to humanity?
He walked out of the gate then heard a faint sound come from a house.He looked up and saw a Apartment building..What got Joe's ears to sprang up were a single gunshot that exited out of a window followed by a zombie stumbling backwards.From the back of it's head laid a small exit wound dripping with blood.
Pow!
Another Gunshot rang out and exited it's lower brain stem.The body tumbled back over the railing and fell to it's death.Or if it was dead yet.The corpse hit the sidewalk and a cracking sound came from it's neck and brain matter combined with the blood on the sidewalk.Then in the shadows of the apartment room Joe saw a gleaming handgun showing itself.
''Who's there!?'' The unknown person said in a male voice.Joe aimed his handgun back showing no fear and replied.''I'm just a soldier! My name is Joe- Cortez!'', Joe slowly walked over the road then saw with his eyes that the the infected had heard them.
''Okay, Well come in on the ladder!'' A reply called out then a load clank.Joe raced over the ladder and began to climb.He put a foot on one bar and two hands on the other.
Joe quickly began climbing and saw a young face looking down aiming a handgun.Joe then scanned a ragged dog tag that was stamped on a cap the man wore.Private Warren Tomac.His hair was burnt black and he looked to be in his early twenties, He looked to be somewhat Asian.He kept moving his mouth but Joe could not hear a word from the gunshots pelting the undead below.''Be....ind.....You!'' was what Joe could hear when he felt a grasp on his ankle.
A frosty hand rubbed against Joe ankle then he looked down.A decaying hand was pulling him down.A decayed bald-headed face looked at him, it's swollen eyes stared at Joe as a bullet whizzed into it's forehead.Joe shaked the hand off then continued.He could make it, a few more bars then he would be safe.Maybe.
Joe lifted up his right leg and put it on a rusty bar and it moved.''****,'' He cursed.He slowly climbed up then forgot about the bar when a shrilling scream escaped from the sky.There in the bright,cloudy sky laid a dark figure.It flapped it's large wings and headed towars Joe.The closer it got the more he saw of it.A normal decaying face but the only thing different was a tube shaped tongue.Chills went down his spine and then he started to climb.
But he forgot the rusty bar and put his foot on it.The bar creaked as he went up then completly fell off.Joe, hanging on with one hand was shocked the he forgot.He somehow got back in control and hurried up.A hand meet him there and pulled him up.
''You could of gotten yourself killed soldier,'' The young man said as he looked at a tattered exposed print saying army on Joe's shirt.''Private to Private eh?'' He joked then shouted into the apartment.
''Guy's come out we have a new guy!'', The next moment two people came out of the room.A brawny looking man with fire red hair and freckles on top of his red cheeks.He wore a black closly you would see a scar on his temple.''Meet um...Oh yea meet Joe Cortez
The other one, A youthful teen that wore a Jets baseball hat stood next to the man.He turned out to be Augustus Cole, and that man is Andrew Flynn, Warren then began to talk, ''Now let's lock the doors and get in it's time for lunch'', Joe still wondering what that thing outside was, followed the trio.Inside the room were packages loaded with goods such as food,tools,guns,ammunition,drinks, and much more.''This is the looting section, It's a place where we take some goods to the soldiers at the Army Shelter''.Joe looked puzzled, He had only heard that squadrens were sent out.There was no annoucment for shelters.Warren turned around and smiled.
''You didn't hear about the shelters that are spread out, We work at one ad the three of us came to gather supplies from other shelters that were over stocked,'' He laughed, ''You didn't think we would steal it?.Joe put his hands in his pockets and shrugged.
''Well, Thanks for taking me in with you guys.I hope I won't be such a bother'' Joe said.
''Warren, What are we having for lunch? I'm starving since the time I woke up'' Whined Augustus, sitting down on one of the seats to feast.Warren began to smile,''Its a surprise that I hope you will like'' He said heading off to the kitchen.The three of them sat down and waited for Warren to come back.''Well, I hope it's not mushrooms again'' Andrew joked around.
The sun acted like a magnifying glass on a ant.And Joe was that Ant.
this is a trite expression, no need for it.
a ally wall
Should be an, because the next word is starting with a vowel, and it's not ally, it's alley.
He then saw starving undead creatures walking around moaning and sniffing around.
Any undead in the vicinity wouldn't be "sniffing around" they'd be attracted to the gunfire and screams from the park, and not wandering the streets by it.
he heard a shrilling scream
I'm not entirely sure, but I believe it is shrill scream because I dont believe there is any such word as shrilling.
A infected
Once again, if your indefinete article (being the a) is defining a word which begins with a vowel, it becomes "an"
What the heck was this thing?!
You need to have "he thought" after that or something of the like.
It then screeched at the top of it's voice and it's Adam's Apple bobbed up then down.Then it gurgled up form of liquid from his mouth then upchucked it.
Too many "thens!" find another transition word that means the same thing if you have to use that form of writing. Also, upchucked is a slang term.
face and a teared into torso and
It seems to me like you make many of the same errors, multiple times. There is no word. "teared." It should be "torn" and if using this proper grammar, you don't say "torn into torso" It would be "torn torso"
with it's army uniform teared
Omg dude, it's "torn" -.-'
Then he saw who was that body.Gorden.Gorden shouldn't die like this.Joe dragged the body outside and put the other bodies in a pile.He remembered that he carried a match and looked for it.He checked his pocket in his pants and found ad box labled Matches.
Number one, if there was a battle, you wouldn't just be able to walk up to the site of it and look around in the Humvee! This was in a freakin city, with presumabley thousands of zombies drawn to one central point!
Also.... Bodies don't just magically catch fire and start burning because you throw a match on them.
Joe felt like he was between a rock and a hard place
Trite expression again, an overused, cliche saying used too many times in literature.
What got Joe's ears to sprang up were a single gunshot that exited out of a window followed by a zombie stumbling backwards.
First of all, it should be, "what got Joe's ears to SPRING up" and you should also modify the "were" It wasn't what WERE made his ears spring up, what WAS what made his ears spring up is proper.
This story has a good heart, and creative ideas, but the transition of dialogue and the story itself just doesn't make too much sense, and moves to fast.
Other half of Chapter 1:
The living room became silent, the only noise was coming from the kitchen.Joe set his handgun down at the table and began to check how much ammunition he had.One,Two,Three,Four,Fi-, ''What are you doing?'' Augustus said, not even bothering to remember his name.Joe stopped counting and put his clip back in.
''Counting my ammo, wouldn't wanna be caught with no ammo if I'm surrounded by that horde outside'' Joe explained.Then he figured he should tell them how he got into this mess.But, Andrew quickly made that choice.
''So, Joe how did you get into this?'' Andrew said, grooming his hair back with one hand.
From the kitchen window Warren looked out.''Yea, tell us Cortez, We wanna hear it''.
Joe cleared his liquid-thirsty windpipe and then began his gruesome story.
''When I was running I saw two things that I don't recall knowing about, Oe f them was a normal zombie but then it spit acid at me.The other one I saw had two wings and a sucker-like thing'' He said, looking out the window.The room fell silent until Warren's voice could be heard.
''Well, that thing you said that spit at you could be a 'Vomiter' and that flying thing is a 'Mosquito', Those guys you do not want to mess with, the vomiter spits acid at you so you can die, the other infected can barly eat that stuff so the vomiter can it you up and use the acid as a advantage.'' He stopped to cough then began
''A mosquito..well they use that sucker to suck out all the muscle,organs,blood, and all your insides and gobble them up.They leave you with just skin and bones, but over time muscles,wings,a 'Sucker', and claws form.It uses those claws to carry you and open your body up and gobble you up.I once saw a comrade climbing a ladder like you did, and one mosquito flew to him at lighting speed and snatched his upper torso.Your Lucky my friend.They hunt at day and night.And feast whenever.''
He finished his talk and went back to doing what he was doing.Joe put his handgun into his pants and waited in the now silent room.Cole cocked back his shotgun with both hands then set it behind his chair.
Joe put his handgun into his pants and waited in the now silent room.Resting back as a bead of sweat slid down his face.So the infected were mutating,Joe thought.This would just make it harder, how did this happen.The outbreak couldn't of just happen.He pulled away from his thoughts and grinned.
A fresh smell sweeped out of the kitchen as Warren came out holding something.''Feast my friends'', in his left arm on a plate were cooked rice,fresh cut meat,butter, and four mini pizza slices.In his right arm were a wine bottle with four cups.The three at the table look shocked.How had Warren managed to get this food,Andrew thought, at the shelter there wasn't this type of food.
Cole felt himself drool and his tastebuds chanting 'FOOD! FOOD!', he slowly made his hand swip the drool off and managed to say something.''Warren...Where did you get that?'', he asked as another group of drool escaped his mouth.Setting down the surprise, Warren smiled and answered the question.
''I'll tell you over dinner''
Warren pulled up a chair and sat down.Gesturing for the others to eat,he grabbed the wine and poured the wine into the four cup
Joe leaned forward and took some rice with his hand.He took in a deep sniff with his nose and smelt the fresk smell.Oh how good it smelled, he plopped it into his drooling mouth and munched it down.''Thank you for this tasty surprise Warren, but can you now tell us how you got this?'' Joe said.
Warren gulped down the slice of butter down his throat.He wiped his mouth then began.
''Well,as you guys know I know lots of info,right?...Well don't tell this to Clardy when we get back to the base, Joe, Clardy is the man in charge of the base that we work at and you do not want to mess with him.His first name is James, he practiclly owns the whole base.The people and soldiers there are on his side or still sane.Less than a quater of the the soldiers and 'civis' aren't like that *******, 2 days ago I tried to stick up for a guy being arrested for trying to kill Clardy.Clardy did this..'' Warren explained, pointing to a purple bruise on the side of his pale forehead.A forced purple mark covered up his skin and laid there as a reminder.
''That guy I stook up for was 'thrown away' to the infected.Clardy and his minions think as the death penalty as being totured till death.They throw you off the roof and let you drop and lay there helplessly.The only base that does this is this one and Clardy keeps it as a secret.He has this place somewhere in the woods where they take arrested guys to lock them up.It takes a man to go there by foot and come back.Well i'm done talking about Clardy so hears how I got this food.''
He gently coughed then patted his chest while taking a piece of meat.''Aaron,He's a farmer and so was his dad.His dad died when the outbreak occured.Sad story for him.He ran away with his dad's rifle and his make-shift spear and stayed in the cornstalk.He grows food with the local farmer and he helped me grow rice.Then we snuck out and looted this stuff that we are feasting on.Well, Tomorrow we are going back to the base so have fun'' He finished talking.And then the room was silent after that as they continued eating after their discussions.
**************************
Carter dragged his body foward.His stumped arm felt more pain then ever before.He could still hear that doggone horde coming after him.Why had this happened to him?.Carter continued straight to the road that lead to the tree filled forest.His mouth ached for fresh water, his gums started to dry up.He finally reached the trees and slowly slumped down against the bark.
Taking off his backpack,he zipped it down.Digging inside until he found a fresh bottle of water he had looted from a store a while ago.Chugging down a quater off the water not wanting to drink it all.
He put it back and zipped it.His mouth was now refreshed.He got back up and walked foward.
The sun was starting to fade away as the coldfront began to step in.He could now hear chatting of human voices nearby.A female's voice and a man's.Carter quivered from a chill that his handless arm sent.He had no time to lose, he began limping faster to the noise.He soon halted and infront of him was a cabin with two people coming out.One holding a rifle and the other clutching a infant.
Jameson's vision became foggy every second.Voices like,''Hey,Come here!'' faded away.Carter limped closer then he fell to his back.He then saw a man's face looking at him.
''St...y....with m...e no...w,...boy'', the garbled voice soon faded as Carter said in a raspy voice,''Thank You''.Then he faded to his memories.
Brooklyn,New York,10:18 P.M. March 9th
4 days after the Outbreak.
The Streets of Brooklyn were flocked with paniced civilians.All of them running from horde after horde of infected.How could New York once be a busy city with millions of inhabitents and now it has introduced MS-44.
Corpral Carter Jameson watched in disgust as a infected man raced over to the park where he was stationed at.He held up his Glock 17 and pressed on the trigger.A gleaming bullet came out and went through it's decaying brain.The back half of his head erupted, showing a molding brain.
Carter wiped off some brain matter that was smeared on his burning cheeks.The scorching sun was rising up and giving New York a dry weather.Carter heard that in a few days there would be snow.He hoped it wouldn't freeze his toes off.
He only knew a little bit from what caused this.During the end of the Iraq War.Al-Quada found this chemical that they called MS-44.The tested it on hostages that they captured.
Then a American Squadren heard shrilling screams from a House in the woods.Five soldiers went in.Only two and a member came out.
The infection then hit the U.K. then New York.Who knows where it will go now.Airports and roads are closed from people leaving.Once a person goes to a Army shelter they have to be stripped down to see if they have any bites or scratches.If they do well, Carter didn't know what would happen.He hoped he wouldn't get infected.
He put his handgun into his camoflauge vest and took out his M16A1 standard assault rifle.He held it with his right and and signaled the civilians to keep going past the road blockade.
''This way!,This way!'' a familiar voice lurked into Carter's eardrums.Turning around he saw Private Joe Cortez.
His figure stood straight as it signaled a young woman and a little girl from a horde.Joe lift up his rifle and unleashed a fresh clip.''Let's go!'', A shambler walked his way and thrusted it's chilling hands on Joe arm.Joe quickly headbutted the shambler and dug a round into it's forehead.Crimson gushed out of it's open wound as it dropped down.
Joe covered the two civilians and loaded a full clip.He looked through his scope and fired at the coming dead.The woman looked at Joe and said,clutching to the girl who looked to be her daughter.
''Thank you'' She gently whispered.Joe looked at the woman and saw her glowing eyes.Joe smiled and then nodded.
''Just doing my job,hope we can meet again'' He said,leaving her to go to the Chinook Helicopters.
Joe was Carter's longtime friend.They had met while stationed in Iraq.Joe was kindhearted,he had been raised as a orphan at a adoption shelter.He never found the right parents for him.When Joe turned into his handsome self he enlisted himself into the U.S. army.
A stray cloud bravely covered up the sky.Absorbing the last few days of solar light.Hordes of infected rushed over to tleast have one bit of flesh before they die.For the infected this would be like shooting a fish in a barrel.
A warm breeze washed over Carter dirty brown hair.The first cold air he has felt since he woke up.And that was almost two days ago.Still in his mind, he didn't see a shambler drag itself to meet face to face.It forced Carter down, knocking the rifle out of Carter's hands.The creature tried to get one piece of burning flesh.Showing it's mouth it had missing teeth and the remaining teeth were a bright yellow.
Jameson's arms pushed off it's decayed body and watched it fall.As it hit the rough sidewalk a awful crack escaped a scratch that formed on it's lower throat.Then it's hand slowly moved then it's legs.Slowly getting up it fell down again but this time their ws no little crack, it was a headless body with drooling blood.
The Corpral looked up gasping for air and saw a buffy looking figure, Carter remembered that shape from anywhere.Gorden BlackWell.His meaty hand stuck out helping him up.Carter picked up his rifle and said,''Thanks Gorden I owe you one''.Gorden tipped his head down then scurried off the the battle.
As he dusted himself off his pupils saw in fright as the dead were consuming soldiers every moment.Carter backed away and bumped into a sharp low fence and saw a park.His squad was there defending their lives.
Carter began hopping over the fence and lifted his leg over it.Finally over he turned and saw Cortez signaling him to the park.Carter rushed over and said in a terrified toned voice,''Joe what the hell is going on''
Joe stood then and rubbed his chin.''Sergeant just died,the men lost their morale and backed off here, They are gonna get in here man I'll stay with you for as long as I can''
The two friends rushed from place to place trying to find a way out of the park.There was no place to run,the infected surrounded them.Joe turned and saw a shrilling Gorden on the grass trying to get in a Humvee.Infected were piling on top of him like a child's play dog pile.Exept for the dark blood pouring out like wine.
''Carter go help Gorden I'll Cover you'',Joe said tilting his body and firing at the horde.
Carter nodded and dashed straight ahead.He aimed his rifle at the infected as they bit down onto Gorden.A shambler limped towards him then tilted it's head and opening it's mouth.
Cracked gums covered mostly all of it's mouth with only a little teeth.
Carter pressed down the trigger as fast as he could then.
Click.
Click.Click.
He had no rounds.
He dropped the rifle when the zombie put it's mouth on Carter left hand.The remaining teeth digged into his veins and shot up pain to Carter's brain.The other zombies chewed away at the helpless meaty BlackWell.Carter turned and glanced at Joe yelling something as cold dead hands brushed against his torso.
It sounded like,''Buddy, don't worry I'll come back for you I promise'' then the dead pulled him into a crowd of consuming infected.
I like the idea of after-explaining the New York situation, but once again your dialogue is all funky. People don't talk in long giant sentences and just move on with transitions like "allright, fine then, don't ask questions, done" in that order. Also you like to use many cliche and trite expressions. Like when the soldier tells the lady, "just doing my job" and many typical sayings. (ex: out of the frying pan into the fire)
I really like this story..... though as mentioned before, you need to work on the dialogue.... Keep it up
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