I have come here to ask for help with an assignment my teacher gave us. We must write a poem in the form of Emily Dickinson. I am wondering what your all's thoughts on my poem is:
Such a foggy Morning
Such a foggy Morning Alone in the room -I At the desk top mourning Of the time that has Gone by
Much fun was had These memories -they Haunt This paper cries For the Girl it wants
Written in ink Born of the Heart Each pen stroke -longer A work of art
He pours It out Onto the page Each stroke Closer To his End days
Laying there cold Knife in hand -Life gone A letter in the Other The morning is still -dawn
So yeah, just wanted feedback before I am forced to read it allowed to my class.
Getting feedback from other people is actually the last step of the 10 steps for poem editing.
1. Write it. 2. Get away from it. 3. Look for any glaring mistakes. 4. Fix your spelling/ punctuation. 5. Work on similes/ metaphors 6. work on line breaks and condense language 7. Work on assonance/ alliteration 8. Try to work out any other poetic elements 9. Let some one else read it 10. Re do from step 1
Other than that, you got great rhythm. Try doing some editing by yourself... Yeah...
Now I'm not saying those steps aren't helpful, however, I've never been one to enforce such strict measures upon creative writing. I'm not trying to sound abrasive, merely offering my opinion.
Now, as for the poem itself.
I'm not much of a Dickinson fan, in fact her work at times annoys me, not by content, but simply by structure and sub text of some poems. Regardless...
Your poem is quite well done when it comes to structure in regards to Dickinson. As for punctuation it may need touching up here and there, but again we're following a strict form of poetry here. The content flows rather well, though I admit there wasn't much of a build up and the idea of suicide wasn't hinted at until the very end. Perhaps a reworking of the overall theme is need? Honestly I'm at somewhat of a loss simply because I do not read Dickinson overly much. Though I hope my advice is somewhat helpful.
we had to use slant rhymes, internal rhymes, end rhymes, etc.
The content flows rather well, though I admit there wasn't much of a build up and the idea of suicide wasn't hinted at until the very end
I thought about this, and my rebuttal are certain key words I used to somewhat hint at depression. e.g. Haunt and Mourning I guess what I was thinking way start out with depression, end with suicide. Not quite sure.
Honestly, i think it sucks and my teacher thinks too highly of me. I never try when I write, but this particular time she said she was very excited to see mine, and I sorta freaked into thinking this had to be great haha, sigh. (I've written a lot of stuff in the class that she now keeps for future examples, ugh.)
I am going to spend the rest of the night looking at it, there is a line in particular I do not like and think it takes away from the poem.
Thank you for the "10 Steps of Poem Editing", I'll keep them in mind next time I write anything!
