ForumsArt, Music, and WritingMy short story =w=;;

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Esanx
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Esanx
41 posts
Nomad

Well, gonna write one, be harsh if needed, I would like to be a good writer, so post your opinions! Alrighty, here we go:

A low howl echoed through the mountains in the distance. The night sky was dotted with shining stars. A bright silver moon's light shined down on the grassy earth. The dark green grass was wet, some of the grass was stained red. A man in dark hair that covered his eyes walked down the open field. He was dressed in ragged, old clothing. Blood stains colored the dull, tan rags. He looked to be about twenty, in his right hand he carried a sheathed sword. The sheath was a dark red, and the exposed hilt was black with silver edges. He dragged his feet across the ground, drowsiness showed in his eyes. He instantly woke up when he heard the roar again. The strange roar came from the mountains, the man only heard rumors. He decided not to let it bother him, and continued on his way. The wind gently caressed the leaves. The man's grip tightened on the sheath as he heard the roar again. This time louder, and closer. He glanced at the mountain and froze. A blaze of fire lit up the sky above the mountains. A ferocious roar followed the flames. Another burst of fire hit the sky, this time being followed by a dark figure. Something flew above him in the sky. The moon's light flickered as the beast passed under it. The man clenched his teeth as he dropped the sheath. As the scabbard fell, he ripped his sword from it. The gleaming blade was completely silver, with it's black and silver hilt. Not a single stain of blood could be seen on it. The roar was louder, the man stepped back as a large drop of blood fell from the sky and hit the ground in front of him. The beast's blood was black. The man looked up to see the beast dive down at him. The faint moon light gave him a glimpse of the beast. It had large, spiral horns, with leathery black wings. It's fat body was scaled in black. Red cracks showed on it's stomach, the cracks gave off heat. It's head had two beady eyes, without color, displaying only anger and hatred. The man ran from the beast as it dived down then swooped back up. It's gray talons dripped red blood. The man felt his own blood ooze down his back. He quickly turned around the face the beast. It now stood on two hind legs on the ground. It's long wings spread out in the sky, in it's right wing there was a spear. The man grinned, and raised his sword. The beast let out a growl. "So you were attacked, and decide to kill me?" Asked the man in a confident voice. "Not all humans look the same, do they? You can't be confusing me for-" The sound of crying flames hurt his ears as he watched a stream of fire erupt from the beast's mouth. The man grinned and took a stance. He raised the sword, and slashed downward of the fire. The stream of fire split in two, and both sides of it blew past him. He ran down through the open path between the flames. The beast cocked it's head back for another attack, the man lunged his blade into the leg of the beast. It howled and flapped it's wings rapidly. The man ripped his sword aggressively from the beast's leg and stabbed it into the ground to keep from being blown back. His grin grew as he pulled his sword from the ground and jumped at the beast. The keen blade was met with talons. The two clashed, black blood poured out onto the ground. The beast took a step back, it's one claw was gone now. He howled angrily at the man as it charged forward, it's horns facing towards him. He held the sword back, the sword looked almost like it was glowing. The black blood on it dispersed from the blade and levitated in the air above the man. It formed a small orb and hit the tip of his sword. Black streaks ran down his sword, emitting a faint humming noise. "Haha!" Exclaimed the man as he ran towards the charging beast. It's horns shattered when they met the cold steel of the man's blade, and the black streaks glowed, black spikes branched out from the streaks, driving into it's skull. A dying last resort was made by the beast as it swiped it's claws at him. The man blocked with his arm, a cocky grin showed on his face. "Nice try." The beast let out a faint growl as it dropped to the ground, the lifeless claws fell to the ground. The glowing cracks on it's stomach grew less and less red, until it was a dull gray glow, that eventually disappeared. The man yanked his sword from the beast's skull, the blade blood dripped off the sword, the streaks were gone. He sighed as he walked over to his fallen scabbard, he slowly slid his sword back in and looked at the dead carcass of the beast. He walked to the wounded wing, and ripped the spear out from it's leathery wing. He looked over the spear and saw a small symbol etched into the spearhead. It was the symbol of a sword piercing fire. The man grinned and even a small laugh escaped his lips. "So that must mean a Shagaku knight must of tried to slay it. That means Shagaku is close by..." He sighed with relief as he fall onto his back and let the sheathed sword roll out of his hand. "Looks like I found the place, now I just need to get some sleep." He let out a loud yawn, and fell asleep with a smile on his face. His smile soon vanished and he got up. He gave the dead beast a weird look. "These thing's already beginning to smell...Geez." He picked up his sword and walked forward towards the mountains. He stopped by a tree, and sat against it. The sword rested across his lap. "Much better." His head lowered as he fell asleep.

TO BE CONTINUED! Maybe, only if you peeps liked it. =w=

  • 11 Replies
Muse2223
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Muse2223
372 posts
Nomad

No paragraphs, completely unreadable.

Esanx
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Esanx
41 posts
Nomad

Oh, should I copy it and re-post it with paragraphs?

ProfessorOak
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ProfessorOak
991 posts
Nomad

It's not necessary, but it's less intimidating when it's separated in easy to read short paragraphs. ;3

Muse2223
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Muse2223
372 posts
Nomad

Yes.

Esanx
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Esanx
41 posts
Nomad

A low howl echoed through the mountains in the distance. The night sky was dotted with shining stars. A bright silver moon's light shined down on the grassy earth. The dark green grass was wet, some of the grass was stained red. A man in dark hair that covered his eyes walked down the open field. He was dressed in ragged, old clothing. Blood stains colored the dull, tan rags. He looked to be about twenty, in his right hand he carried a sheathed sword. The sheath was a dark red, and the exposed hilt was black with silver edges. He dragged his feet across the ground, drowsiness showed in his eyes. He instantly woke up when he heard the roar again. The strange roar came from the mountains, the man only heard rumors. He decided not to let it bother him, and continued on his way. The wind gently caressed the leaves.
The man's grip tightened on the sheath as he heard the roar again. This time louder, and closer. He glanced at the mountain and froze. A blaze of fire lit up the sky above the mountains. A ferocious roar followed the flames. Another burst of fire hit the sky, this time being followed by a dark figure. Something flew above him in the sky. The moon's light flickered as the beast passed under it. The man clenched his teeth as he dropped the sheath. As the scabbard fell, he ripped his sword from it. The gleaming blade was completely silver, with it's black and silver hilt. Not a single stain of blood could be seen on it. The roar was louder, the man stepped back as a large drop of blood fell from the sky and hit the ground in front of him. The beast's blood was black. The man looked up to see the beast dive down at him. The faint moon light gave him a glimpse of the beast. It had large, spiral horns, with leathery black wings. It's fat body was scaled in black. Red cracks showed on it's stomach, the cracks gave off heat. It's head had two beady eyes, without color, displaying only anger and hatred.
The man ran from the beast as it dived down then swooped back up. It's gray talons dripped red blood. The man felt his own blood ooze down his back. He quickly turned around the face the beast. It now stood on two hind legs on the ground. It's long wings spread out in the sky, in it's right wing there was a spear. The man grinned, and raised his sword. The beast let out a growl. "So you were attacked, and decide to kill me?" Asked the man in a confident voice. "Not all humans look the same, do they? You can't be confusing me for-" The sound of crying flames hurt his ears as he watched a stream of fire erupt from the beast's mouth. The man grinned and took a stance. He raised the sword, and slashed downward of the fire. The stream of fire split in two, and both sides of it blew past him. He ran down through the open path between the flames. The beast cocked it's head back for another attack, the man lunged his blade into the leg of the beast. It howled and flapped it's wings rapidly. The man ripped his sword aggressively from the beast's leg and stabbed it into the ground to keep from being blown back. His grin grew as he pulled his sword from the ground and jumped at the beast. The keen blade was met with talons. The two clashed, black blood poured out onto the ground. The beast took a step back, it's one claw was gone now. He howled angrily at the man as it charged forward, it's horns facing towards him.
He held the sword back, the sword looked almost like it was glowing. The black blood on it dispersed from the blade and levitated in the air above the man. It formed a small orb and hit the tip of his sword. Black streaks ran down his sword, emitting a faint humming noise. "Haha!" Exclaimed the man as he ran towards the charging beast. It's horns shattered when they met the cold steel of the man's blade, and the black streaks glowed, black spikes branched out from the streaks, driving into it's skull.
A dying last resort was made by the beast as it swiped it's claws at him. The man blocked with his arm, a cocky grin showed on his face. The beast let out a faint growl as it dropped to the ground, the lifeless claws fell to the ground. The glowing cracks on it's stomach grew less and less red, until it was a dull gray glow, that eventually disappeared.
The man yanked his sword from the beast's skull, the blade blood dripped off the sword, the streaks were gone. He sighed as he walked over to his fallen scabbard, he slowly slid his sword back in and looked at the dead carcass of the beast. He walked to the wounded wing, and ripped the spear out from it's leathery wing. He looked over the spear and saw a small symbol etched into the spearhead. It was the symbol of a sword piercing fire. The man grinned and even a small laugh escaped his lips.
"So that must mean a Shagaku knight must of tried to slay it. That means Shagaku is close by..." He sighed with relief as he fall onto his back and let the sheathed sword roll out of his hand. "Looks like I found the place, now I just need to get some sleep." He let out a loud yawn, and fell asleep with a smile on his face. His smile soon vanished and he got up. He gave the dead beast a weird look. "These thing's already beginning to smell...Geez." He picked up his sword and walked forward towards the mountains. He stopped by a tree, and sat against it. The sword rested across his lap. "Much better." His head lowered as he fell asleep.

Esanx
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Esanx
41 posts
Nomad

Thanks for posting quick responses to this, is it better? Or should I put more space between the paragraphs?

ManiacalMind
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ManiacalMind
176 posts
Nomad

Yeah, it does look a bit daunting to read when it's not in paragraphs but when it is in paragraphs, it looks longer for me.

ManiacalMind
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ManiacalMind
176 posts
Nomad

That was really good actually, can't critique on it if I'm being honest.
Post some more when you've got it wrote.

Esanx
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Esanx
41 posts
Nomad

Awesome, thanks! =D
I got an idea for a plot, so I'll post more later tonight maybe =w=

Esanx
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Esanx
41 posts
Nomad

The sun rose over the mountains. The sunlight shined down onto the man. He moaned and mumbled as he forced his tired eyes open. The soft chirping of birds, and the faint sound of wind blowing against the leaves created a peaceful harmony. The man yawned and stretched his arms, fighting back against the sleep that is try to take him over. He pushes himself up. Once he was on his feet, and standing tall, he crippled over and coughed. He felt the painful gashes on his back from the talons of the beast. He felt his back, he felt deep cuts and dried blood. He fought the pain and stood up straight again. He painfully bent back over to pick up his sheath and carried it in his hand as he took a few steps from the tree. He staggered slightly, the pain was overwhelming.
"It didn't feel as bad last night." Mumbled the man as he rubbed his back. "But I'm so close, I can't stop now." As he gritted his teeth in pain, he forced himself to take more steps. He glanced over where the beast was lying. There were only bones left. "Hm?" The man was speechless. "I'm sure I would of heard animals fighting over it and eating it!" He sighed and rubbed his head. "Geez, I must of been really tired." He gradually begins to walk with less pain and after several more paces, he could walk without the slight stagger. He concealed the pain as he came to a stop at a large line of trees. Beyond the trees were more, and more. The pitch-black forest didn't let any light enter it, the towering trees blocked off all the breeze, it was one of the first things the man noticed when he took a step into the forest. The gentle breeze was gone, and he felt a slight paranoia.
As he ventured deeper into the dark forest, he heard noises from the shadows. He saw dark figures vanish in the corner of his eye. He already had his sword unsheathed, the silver blade was letting off no glow now. He held the hilt tightly in his right hand, the scabbard was in his left. He walked down the dirt path until it came to a halt. Only mashed bushes and plants were left for him to follow. The trees seemed to grow taller as he ventured deeper into the forest. The noise of birds chirping was gone now, replaced by a terrible growling noise. It seemed to be coming from all around him.
"What little creature is stalking me now?" Asked the man as he grinned and looked into the sky. "Your all around me, yet, I cannot see you! Won't you come out?" He was answered with silence, the growling was gone. All was quiet. He sighed and continued his travel. He saw light in the distance, the mushing noise of stomping through the wet ground was slowly disappearing, being replaced by the firm thud of stepping on solid, dry dirt. As he got closer, the growling returned. The creatures could no longer hide among the shadows, the distant light was enough to reveal them. Large creatures, the size of a large dog, were watching the man with hungry expressions. Their brown fur showed blotches of stained blood, their fangs were showing as they growled. The claws on their paws were a pitch-black, they had no eyes.
"No eyes?" Asked the man. "So you must rely on your other senses..." He paused and turned his grinning face towards one that took a step closer. It growled softly at him. "Quite brave, aren't we?" He let out a laugh as he swiftly lunged his blade forward, it pierced through the animal's chest as it was about to jump to attack. It growled as it turned gray and crumbled. The dust of the creature fell to the ground. "What the hell?" The man took a step back. "No eyes, and they turn to dust when killed." The man scratched his head with the bottom of his hilt. "Geez, such a weird place." He noticed the other creature's were gone. "Well, lucky me, I must of killed their leader, and sent them running with their tails between their legs!" Exclaimed the man with a loud and confident laugh.
"Hello?" A voice called out from the light at the end of the forest. "Who's in there? Are you alright?"
"I'm perfectly fine." Responded the man. He walked towards the light and soon found he was facing a tall woman. She had long, dark hair, and wore noble clothing. She had a shy look on her face as she watched him emerge from the forest. "Hello." Said the man.
"Who are you?" Asked the woman.
"Benkei, I've come to see the king of Shagaku." Said the man, revealing his name to be Benkei. He smiled at the woman, "and may I ask for your name?"
"Soyen." Answered the woman, she looked to be the same age as him. She smiled shyly at him. "If you want, I could take you to see the king." Said Soyen.
"That would be great." Said Benkei. "And perhaps a healer?"
"A healer? You said you were fine."
"Well..." Benkei turned to show her his back. The dried blood and deep gashes made her gasp. "I sorta lied."

TO BE CONTINUED!

Esanx
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Esanx
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Nomad

Benkei followed Soyen down a skinny stone path. The flat stones were gray, small red droplets dotted them. In the distance, he saw large towers that pierced the sky, and a kingdom that's flag could be seen for miles. The flag showed a silver flame, Benkei could of swore he saw the flame change to gold, then return to silver. He only sighed and kept walking behind Soyen. She walked slowly in front of him, her eyes continued to glance in all directions. She was sweating slightly, her hands trembling. Benkei noticed this, and raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?" Asked Benkei with a calm tone.
"Y-Yes, I'm fine." Said Soyen in an almost whisper. "It's just..." She paused, and gulped. "There has been a lot of dragon sightings lately, a large black dragon with curved horns and wings larger then it's own body! It just swoops down and grabs you, without a moments notice!" Exclaimed Soyen, she was shaking.
"A dragon..." Benkei rubbed his hand as he remembered last night. "It didn't happen to breathe fire did it? And live up in those mountains?" He pointed towards the large, rocky mountains that were almost as tall as the towers that they neared.
"There has been a rumor that it lived there." Said Soyen as she watched the mountain. "Why?"
"You know this nice little wound I got on my back?" Asked Benkei with a cocky grin. "I got it while slaying that beast!" Exclaimed Benkei with a loud, confident laugh.
"H-How!?" Exclaimed Soyen, as she quickly turned around to stare him in the eyes. Her gaze was intense, but Benkei met the stare head on.
"It attacked me, and I killed it. That's all there is to it." Said Benkei with a sigh.
"..." Soyen was silent, but her gaze only grew stronger. She stared deeply into Benkei's eyes for what felt like hours. "I guess I can believe that." Said Soyen with a faint smile. "If your right, we'll have to throw you a party."
"A party?" Benkei chuckled slightly as he turned his head to hide his reddening face. "I-I'm not good in front of crowds." Mumbled Benkei.
"But you must be rewarded for this!" Said Soyen. "If your telling the truth, that is." Added Soyen with a sly grin.
"Of course I'm telling the truth!" Benkei sighed. "Just let me see the king, that's enough of a reward for me."
"So why do you want to see him?" Asked Soyen. She turned around and began to walk again. Benkei stayed close behind her. The kingdom looked closer.
"Well, I was sent to accept a quest." Said Benkei. "I work for an organization, they send us out to take on requests of anyone who asks. The king needed something, so I was sent."
"Oh." She was silent for a few minutes. "What's the organization called?" Asked Soyen innocently.
"Can't remember." Mumbled Benkei. "I just joined last week."
"What? Then your a new member? And they sent you for something like this?"
"Yep, that's about right." Said Benkei as he rubbed the back of his head. "So, what do I need to do to see the king? Any weird trails I need to pass?" Asked Benkei jokingly.
"Nah, just stay close to me. They'll let you through with me."
"Oh? Are you an important figure in the kingdom."
"Of course." Said Soyen with a giggle. "I'm the king's daughter, Princess Soyen."

TO BE CONTINUED! =w=

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