ForumsArt, Music, and WritingLennon's Creative Writing

2 2790
LennonTheMage
offline
LennonTheMage
55 posts
Nomad

This is the first time I've ever posted my writing publicly. I'm young, but I feel like I'm able to send a feeling across, to the reader, through my writing. Any criticism is welcome :3


Music of Love

One day. Three friends. Harmony and music in perfect union that makes you feel as if youâre on top of the world. The sounds from the musicians drift through and around the stands. The merchants sell t-shirts for bands. The smell of barbecue drifts through the air. Teenage girls and boys: yell, scream, dance, laugh, and smile. My friends and I rush to our spot, as we see the artist step up on stage. The music begins to play. Guitar strumming starts. Hearts beating heavily. Nothing, but happiness flows through my veins. Singing from line to line. Everyone cheers. Knowing every line by mind. The moment that feels as though it will never end; yet it already has.

We continue our day stopping at the stands, picking up some glasses with our hands. We move along the walk, talking, and then we stop. Another artist who we love, standing above, yet on another stage. The moment relapses, but itâs finally time that we must go. As we step into the car we speak about our experience. The bands who played, the walks on which we talked, the food, and the sounds. The clock is ticking, which will hopefully stop. On the way home we recognize we barely ate. We get some fast food, why not be a little unhealthy for once. As I stare out the window I can see the black ocean waves beyond the sand. Sipping on my drink as I stare at the sky. Oh why, must nights such as these end. I do not know why.

Benny

Picture by picture I continue to take pictures. I think to myself what would the viewer think. Would the photograph provoke happiness, sadness, or interest? Sipping on my cup of coffee or tea I scan each photo, happy that Iâve been able to create something so fresh and new. The feeling that photography emits is not something simple. It causes you to be slightly perplexed. How can an image cause so much emotion? When I go outside I feel the breeze brush up against my face and arms, I fix my eyes on random trees, bushes, or leaves. Point my camera. Snap. It takes a picture. A white and black cat. A cat I do not remember from before. Somehow in the back of my mind, I find, that I recognize this small white feline. I ignore this and continue to snap pictures. A couple of years later, to be exact five; I stir my coffee or tea and stare at the image laid out in front of me. Itâs the white and black cat, with bright green eyes. His name was Benny. He was mine. No longer with us, that little white feline.

  • 2 Replies
Gantic
offline
Gantic
11,891 posts
King

I like the atmosphere these pieces give.

Sipping on my cup of coffee or tea

This is my favorite line, because it seems so removed from the current situation, like a photograph.

I have a few suggestions though.
Another artist who we love, standing above, yet on another stage.

This sentence could do better by removing the who and yet. It seems less jarring that way.

The feeling that photography emits is not something simple.

You can take out the that for the same reason the who could be removed.
LennonTheMage
offline
LennonTheMage
55 posts
Nomad

Thank you. I'll make sure to keep the "jarring" factor into account. I'll probably post more when I get back from my trip to Spain, Italy, & France.

Showing 1-2 of 2