Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → "emotions are the path to a person's soul" a story

well, yes am making a new thread, not just for fun, but because the thread justifies it. I am writing a rather screwed up story and really need HARSH critics...unlike my other thread on my sketches

heres the intro of the story, the plot is-
basically, marco(hiis real names different) is like a emotion caprtivater, i mean, he can capture or manipulate other people's emotions, but this also makes him forget himself, like he starts forgeting his past....he is in an organisation(did'nt think of the name), but goes to the school cause of a particular person who shares his abilities.

INTRO

he stared hard on the blackboard, miss Karin was writing exasperatingly on the blackboard with her favorite orange chalk, the board screeched as she stopped to translate what she had written.
" so class, 'Sind Gefühlen der Pfad zu Einer Person Seele' simply means-'feelings are the path to a person's soul"
"ma'am, that would be "Gefühlen sind der Pfad zu einer Person Seele", not "Sind Gefühlen der Pfad zu Einer Person Seele"a voice called midst the crowd
"oh! by any chance Marco, you are not saying that i am wrong?..i would hate to you know.."her hoarse voice heavily scented with sarcasm , as it always did.
"am sorry ma'am, but that's exactly what am trying to say"
"oh my my! am really that arrogant am I?"she snapped "one week detention for back answering"
"yes ma'am" for some reason, his words sounded like a man laughing drunk on one of his Saturday nights.
'That child' she thought disapprovingly'still had to learn his share of manners'
miss Karin, was visibly offended, since the child had been right, decided not to say anything else she faced the wrath of the principal, Mr Bonneau, a broad chested, wide faced man who looked more of a gorilla than a homo sapien. for some reason known to only him, he always defended that brute Marco, if she had her say, he would already have been suspended a long time ago, but his parents' donations brought money to their otherwise empty school coffers each year, the amount was capacious too, his parent were some kind of Eco-biological scientists, authorized by the state, always traveling in one place or the other, never concentrating on the misconduct of their only child.
Karin Nacht shrugged, those kind of parents had no right to be called parents, she had shown her disapproval many times, but no one took notice, which rather annoyed her. That child would've been better left on his own rather than with them. surrounding him, was always an aura of mysteriousness, as if he had been unto something better left alone, she half believed, that even the death of his own parents wouldn't affect that ferine child, always interfering in the matters of others, only last week had he been called up for beating Arthur Mcoy, told me, "ma'am, he was picking on terry", as if I would care, had beaten that poor child black and blue, was afraid to even see him when he came to apologize.
'well, he isn't my concern, let him rot in his detention room that he is more familiar with' thought the young teacher. As much she tried not to think of him, she felt pity for him from the bottom of her heart.
"that poor child" she murmured.