wrote this song when i was stuck in a car for 6 hours. need reviews and revision help
Big Gulp i stood there, unable to move a silent scream inside of me said no avoiding the moment nowhere to escape
Taking a big gulp of air i cant bear what you do Taking a big breath of air your unfair chorus to me
Suffocation cant go anywhere without feeling your awkward presence And you think i care your a nightmare so im gonna take a
Chorus, take out taking the first time
Never gonna take you back! Why do you want it this way? Just face the fact today x2 that i dont want you dont need you
Chorus x2
Note: its a short little song, being about 2:23. mostly piano, but on the chorus it breaks out a little rock and goes full rock on the 'never gonna take you back part'. enjoi
I like the song lyric's themself, it's a typical, "I have to get away from you" type of song, and that can relate to a LOT of people, so you have a good platform.
Uhm, just a few minor things I saw as far as the lyrics go,
Personally, I don't like the sound of "big gulp" I think "Big Breath" has a much nicer, much more serious mood to it like this song tries to convey.
In the first part of the chorus, IDK, the whole "awkward presence" just kinda makes it... awkward. x) Awkward is normally a word for gawky young males around the age of 13, not for a deep and heartbroken sensation of a presence you can't seem to get rid of.
Is there any way you could record the piano piece? (IDK if you play or not,) And possibly, could you record the song being sung, or at least upload the rhythm of it? There's many sites that you can do that at, and then just make a link here, so us users can listen to it and help you with that too, not just the lyrics(:
