5 years past since they sent the zombies on a boat and now this is what is happeining
one day the boat with the zombies crashed,its crashed in africa, the shiped had crashed alot so the zombies had a chance to get of the ship and on land and start hunting. so they started likeing meat and always went back to the ship until it crashed agein so now it crashed in africa exept this time it didnt get out of there it was stuck for ever and so the zombies started roaming the land and terrorising africa. THE DEADLY ZOMBIES
john started to get very lazy after 5 so he always woke up late and he was so deep in his sleep he didnt here the alarm clock and justr kept sleeping. so he got up went to the bathroom brushed his teeth and had a shower, so he went downstairs to have breakfast and get in his car and drive to work he liked his job, it was easy and he always made friends,so when he reached he went to watch the television, and saw that the zombies were loose agein so he panicked they had never been of any harm so he told all his friend that came on 5 years ago, and took a plain to africa. so john was talking with all of them thinking why were they attacking and how did they get to africa,when they reached they took a taxi to the vilage that was attacked and so they went to see them and one nearly ate john,there was something wrong with them they were all in the food market eating all the meat, before they didnt do anything now they are meatloving killers they had to work this out so they all went into a house where there were no zombies, and started with the theories the first one was that they had it in them all the time they just hadnt evolved into it yet the second was that they were exposed to meat they were all thinking about this, they settled with exposed to meat, and got to work immeditly. they need them all out of the vilage becuase they could kill more people so they rounded them up in a supermarket with meat as the bait and then they loked the place, after takeing one with them and studing them this time they couldnt just leave them in there they had to get a cure,they had to save the people.so after hours of thinking they came up with a planthey had to find something they liked more than meat so they went to the food market tryed everything the only thing they liked other than meat were apples and so they fed them all apples unlocked the doors and let them out and then they attacked strait away they ate the apples becuase they had to so what they had to do was kill them or conseal them from all human kind this couldnt be done.
TO BE CONTINUED
i hope the grammer and commas arent bad i know theyre most likely rubbish and agein if you view ths and are a member replies please becuase i want to know what you think
The grammar isn't as bad as the last time, but man can you capitalize the first letter of every sentence? Especially names! It irritates me when you type something like "john started to get very lazy..." also, there are some words that you misspelled and/or used a spelling of another word that sounded the same. such example would be "he was so deep in his sleep he didn't here the alarm clock..."
Overall I couldn't concentrate on the story. Sorry if this is a harsh review.
It was pretty rough. Alot of words were misspelled, and the punctuation was really bad. Also, I didn't think I saw ONE capitalized in there. Words are supposed to be capitalized after a punctuation mark. For example, Don't do this- "david went to the bathroom. david was sleepy. Instead, DO this- "David went to the bathroom. David was sleepy."
So, don't get lazy with your capitalization. It makes everything ALOT neater.
Another big thing I saw, was that punctuation was really bad. Almost every sentence was a run-on sentence. Overall, I think I saw three periods in the whole story! Run on sentences make everything alot sloppier, and you tend to bore the reader during a long run-on sentence. For example:
Don't do this-
so john was talking with all of them thinking why were they attacking and how did they get to africa,
Instead, do this- So John was talking with all of them, thinking why were they attacking and how did they get to africa?
You see how I added commas and a punctuation mark? Didn't it make the story more interesting? ---- Keep on writing, Bazz1! You still have a long way to go, but if you keep doing it, you will become a master. How old are you, Bazz?
Again, punctuation and capitalization need extreme work. You need to slow down and give detail. Make it more exciting. I know you could write really good Bazz, but work on your grammar and detail and you should be good.
thanks people for telling me ont the first story and the second story i support you for telling me what i did wrong and il try to learn from my mistakes
