All right, it's been a while since I wrote something, simply because exam's have been hindering me from doing so. Ever since I cancelled A Valley of Blood, I've been wondering about what to write, and found it in the form of the sorrows and joys of my friends. Here's chapter 1, and sorry if it's too short:
The cool night air comforted him, simply because he was in a tropical area. He was walking down a narrow street with his best friend, Alvin. Daniel was calm this evening, having gone from a party, while Alvin's heart was racing. Daniel had witnessed Elena secretly kiss Alvin just before they left from a party. "So how are you holding up?" Alvin's eyes were blank. "Hey! Just because Ela's kissed you doesn't give you a right to go numb like that. Not when Victor didn't give us a ride because there wasn't room." Daniel stopped walking. Alvin turned back and looked at him, guilt at what he did to his best friend, but still intoxicated by Ela's uncertain kiss. Then Daniel smiled. "Come on. You're in no condition to travel alone, not at this time of night." When they reached the national road, Daniel hailed one of the many unruly Public Utility Vehicles and got Alvin onboard. "See you tomorrow?" Alvin called. "Maybe." He walked past the gasoline station and entered a line. It was for the smaller tricycles color coded to indicate ther area of service. "To Molave street", he directed. As the trike started moving, he was left to ponder what was left of his life.
I just get the feeling that someone is recounting the whole scene to me, instead of me being at the scene witnessing it. Just for starters, try to inject more emotion in, the characters as of now seem a little two dimensional, echoing words about. Otherwise, good effort, would like to see more.
Thanks for the helpful insight, Nichodemus, really appreciate it. Sirmed, that would be me with a friend. Larah, if you tell anyone in school about this, I will hang you at the flagpole tomorrow.
