Hey, guys! I'll be doing these in installments, so be sure to check back for more of the story. BTW, I'm thinking of it along the way. Here we go.
The explosions were deafening. Voices screaming over the radio of the recuse copter sounded liked garbled alien. Something slithered across the belly of the copter.
"What was that?" Jack swiveled the machine gun back and forth in a sweeping motion.
"Just a bug. Relax." For the copter pilot, it was just another day on the job. If it wasn't, it certainly felt like it. He had been doing it for 10 years, ever since the war started. "Everybody strap in."
The clicks of harnesses caused a roar from the bottom of the copter. Everything shook.
"Whoa!" A poor private hadn't secured his harness when the copter shook. He tumbled out of the copter, too shocked to grab on to anything or scream for help.
"Not today." The copter pilot wrenched the controls, and the copter tilted upside-down. Everything felt weird and queasy for that one moment, then everything turned back and hit the floor with a thump. A angry roar echoed from below.
So far it isn't much of a story to judge fairly. But there are some flaws I would like to point out. One, if you immediately plunge into an action scene without explaining or giving an intro, the story's just puzzling. Secondly, try to use different words, don't use roar all the time for example.
Yeah, well, I guess that's what you get for thinking it along the way. I tried. Next time I'll do it first, edit it, revise it, and all the stuff like that, then post it. Thanks for the review, anyways.
One, if you immediately plunge into an action scene without explaining or giving an intro, the story's just puzzling.
Yeah, I was gonna say that. Unless you meant to make it puzzling.
On another note, it's not the best to simply think of it as you go along. Just make sure you know what you're writing about and have the whole plot outlined.
So far it isn't much of a story to judge fairly. But there are some flaws I would like to point out. One, if you immediately plunge into an action scene without explaining or giving an intro, the story's just puzzling. Secondly, try to use different words, don't use roar all the time for example.
I agree. But sometimes it is good to start with something puzzling. But be sure to explain later in the story.
