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j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
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Nomad

"Well man, this is it. The showdown, the fight club, the getting your *** kicked fan club. You are a total idiot. Why would you fight with the captain of the Hockey team. You are going to be killed." That's Jason, my best friend. He is a wimp, I am a black belt.

"Dude, chill. I can take him, I'm a black belt, remember? Don't worry." I say to him, he just shakes his head. Tyler walks out.

"Hey, Spaz, you ready to be flattened." He smiles, sowing a number of missing teeth. I get into position.They all stare as I get in 6 hits without a scratch.

This whole thing started a few weeks ago. I'm not the smallest of guys, at least not for height, but I'm scrawny, so people ignore me. I was talking to my Jason, minding my own business, when I got hit in the back of the head. I turned, and got hit again, it was Tyler. He just said, "You, it's your fault." He challenged me to fight. I have no clue why.

I was going to roundhouse him in the head, when he hits me the groin, then knocks me out. I wake up the next day (I'm told).

"Well that's over with, want to go play some CoD?" Jason asks, what a week.

The end. Just something off the top of my head, unless you want more.

  • 34 Replies
j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

Feel free to comment.

Legion1350
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Legion1350
5,365 posts
Nomad

Not bad, JC. I'm trying to be constructive here, but there are some grammatical errors. I don't think it's anything that the average reader would notice, but otherwise, it's pretty good for such a short length.

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

I didn't use a grammar checker, so the grammar would suck, but thanks man.

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

Freedom
Alone, but free.
You would not let go.
So, I broke away from you.
I dwindled in your presence.
You simply laughed as I struggled.
Now, I am free.

Alexistigerspice
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Alexistigerspice
1,502 posts
Farmer

Nice lil poem ya got there! I like your writing. It seems like you have great potental. The ending for your first story was a bit brusque though.

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

It may not be the end.

Alexistigerspice
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Alexistigerspice
1,502 posts
Farmer

Well in that case I'll make sure to stay tuned in. Its seems like it could develop into a nice story.

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

Chapter 1: Can this get any worse?

"Well man, this is it. The showdown, the fight club, the getting your *** kicked fan club. You are a total idiot. Why would you fight with the captain of the Hockey team. You are going to be killed." That's Jason, my best friend. He is a wimp, I am a black belt.

"Dude, chill. I can take him, I'm a black belt, remember? Don't worry." I say to him, he just shakes his head. Tyler walks out.

"Hey, Spaz, you ready to be flattened." He smiles, sowing a number of missing teeth. I get into position. They all stare as I get in 6 hits without a scratch.

This whole thing started a few weeks ago. I'm not the smallest of guys, at least not for height, but I'm scrawny, so people ignore me. I was talking to my Jason, minding my own business, when I got hit in the back of the head. I turned, and got hit again, it was Tyler. He just said, "You, it's your fault." He challenged me to fight. I have no clue why.

I was going to roundhouse him in the head, when he hits me in the groin, then knocks me out. I wake up the next day (I'm told).

"Well that's over with, want to go play some CoD?" Jason asks, what a week.

The next week was worse. I get picked on quite a bit for being an albino, but now, its on a whole new level. Whitehead, ghost boy, whitey, cleanse, and a few that I can't say. At least Jason is still my bro, then again, he is the only black kid at my school. We're well known as the Grey Gays. That one's a bit harsh, considering Jason really is gay.

We were sitting in my basement messing with my little sister through the vent when the thing happened. A small boom, a slight whine, then nothing but white. I looked over, and Jason was looking at me to.

"Jericho, what the **** is going on?" He says, just a little panicked.

"I don't know." I can't keep the panic from my voice.

I feel a vibration, like a teeny earthquake. It gets stronger, I have to clench to keep from biting my tongue. It all stops, I'm back in my basement, Jay is standing next to me, my sister is freaking at us for messing with her. I look at him, and then pass out.


More of chapter 1 to come soon.

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

Chapter 1: Can this get any worse?

I keep passing out. My life is so crappy. I wake up in my bed. My mom is standing over me, Jason is asleep in the spare bed, (I have two in my room, one for me, one for him.) and my sister is sitting on the ground in the hall.

"Mom, what happened? Why did I pass out? How long has it been?" I ask her, my voice sounds weak and crackly.

"He came home." She sounds exhausted, she always does when he comes home. My Father.

"Is he gone?" I ask hopefully. She nods, and I relax.

"He died," she says simply, "we're free. He yelled himself down the stairs, broke his neck." She smiles. I get up. This just got a bit better.

My sister walks in,"How can you two say that! Dad was the best, he kept our family in line, he made us stay on this side of the war. He didn't deny the truth. You two are living a lie! Trying to be human, we all know the truth! So just give up! I hate you for making me... Making me... For making me UGLY! Go to hell!" Theria*, my little
sister. She stomps away.

One thing you should know about my mother, sister, Jason, and I, we are all Immortals.*


* One: Theria is said like Theer ee a (Rhymes with Syria)
* Two: Like a god, but not that powerful, they can shape-shift, control the elements, and some have control over animals.

Chapter one is still not over (I'm kinda long-winded).

Alexistigerspice
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Alexistigerspice
1,502 posts
Farmer

Ooh! A twist! >
I dont want to ruin the suprise for myself, but I'm trying to decide if I think they are gods, demigods, vampires, werewolfs, or some other form of immortal.

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
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Nomad

Chapter 1, the continuated from before


My father was old and weak. That why he died. He let himself age, fell down the stairs, and didn't have enough life in him to heal, so he died. We, from there, moved to a new city. Deep Rapids, Alaska. population: 6700.

Life just got really good.

I was at school a week after we had moved, and was hanging with Jason (who had come with us), when this really cute girl walked over to us.

"Hey, I'm Roran. Welcome to Deep Rapid High. Your Jericho and Jason Hawthorn, right?" We said the Jason is my cousin.

"Yea, I'm Jericho, and that's Jason. It nice to meet you Roran." I point to Jason, who looks, then goes to his locker. "He's just gay, he doesn't think your ugly." She had started to look offended.

"Oh, and thank you, I think. Looks like you and me have homeroom, English, together. I can show you there, I you want." I nod, and we go, with Jason, we all have English.

The next day...

"Hey, new kid. You trying to get with my girl? I'm Mark, Roran's boyfriend." He this HUGE Italian with short hair and a black eye. I audibly gulp.

"No, I was just being friendly. I wasn't trying to do anything with anyone. Please don't hurt me." I cringe, and he walks away.

Alexistigerspice
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Alexistigerspice
1,502 posts
Farmer

Classic school scene haha.
You wanna piece-a me? HUH PUNK?
I like how its relatable. A few grammar errors, but not too bad..

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

I write this from scratch on the thing, no W.P., no grammar checker. having only a few shows my awesomeness.

Alexistigerspice
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Alexistigerspice
1,502 posts
Farmer

Pretty cool xD
Do you go back and check for grammar and misspelling when you're done, though?

j_c_mooncity
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j_c_mooncity
1,060 posts
Nomad

No. In a few I'll c/p it into a w.p. and grammar checker just to clarify the thang. You get what I'm saying?

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