In no way is the presentation of my works a way of proclaiming myself to be a great poet, but instead to redeem my inner self and take better hold of my emotions. Writing poetry is one of the few ways in which I can do this, but I bring it here so that hopefully I can see if I really do have any talent in writing poetry. As such, I'll begin with my first poem that I have written:
Triumph of Love
Daffodils and spectral dust float among clouds, As we float among those clouds and stars; My most beautiful sound from all the crowds, Two thrumming hearts thrumming for each other.
My dear, tell me you love me, and melt my heart Into a bubbly liquid of fire, your words fueling My fireâs affection, and tell me your love will never part From any single moment of our forever.
Whisper to me in bed and run your fingers through my hair. Kiss me on the cheek and walk with me at the beach. With each new night, I promise I will swear That each night will be one we will remember.
Lean a little harder, I will take that weight from you. As vibrant as the morning star upon dawn And as fresh as a morning with morning dew, I will be yours to call yours forever.
Upon this morning dawn, remember these words I write And let this be the day that begins our forever. Until my skin wrinkles and my eyes lose their sight, Iâll sing to you each day and love you each night.
Having been your age and writing poetry like this at a time like that...I'll look at it from that view point - and not bother getting into the nitty gritty of form / meter / rhyme / techniques / tone / etc.
It is rather good, quite lyrical. Not entirely keen on 'bubbly liquid of fire' though.
If you enjoy writing, and it helps you make sense of the world - don't stop just because someone says that it isn't great, or that it is weird...and don't ever do it for attention or for praise.
But of course, to each his own. To impose stiff and strict structures onto a poem restrains meaning and stiffles the author's thoughts. And I would think for most of us, writing's ultimate purpose is just to express oneself; by whatever means possible.
Daffodils and spectral dust float among clouds, As we float among those clouds and stars; My most beautiful sound from all the crowds, Two thrumming hearts thrumming for each other.
I truly love this stanza and I believe it almost works, except one of the 'thrumming's destroys the imagery. Repetition can be effective, but perhaps not in this way..
I truly love this stanza and I believe it almost works, except one of the 'thrumming's destroys the imagery. Repetition can be effective, but perhaps not in this way..
Agree.
The word 'thrumming' is good because of it's onomatopoeic nature - it adds sounds and tone - but twice just bogs down the line.
