Hey guys, something totally crazy just happened to me. I'll start from the beginning.
So, I woke up tomorrow because my bedroom smelled like llamas, nothing new there, that happens every day. I got up, put some clothes on, had a fight with the Lego people who live on my desk (it was totally their turn to take out the trash, but they haven't moved an inch), and I then proceeded to throw different types of fungi at my window.
I had probably been throwing fungi for about half an hour or five when I heard loud knocking coming from my wardrobe. Obviously, this confused me, I hadn't locked anyone in there for days, and I'm pretty sure I let that guy out again, so I decided to open it and take a look. Can you guess what I saw? That's right. A freaking Siberian unicorn! They're sort of like normal unicorns, except they like Vodka and the movie "Jaws".
So, this unicorn, Fjodor, he said he had found an endless pit which was half full of bubble wrap, and you know how much I love bubble wrap. Or maybe you didn't, but you do now, unless you can't take a hint, in which case I'll tell you, I freaking love bubble wrap. On a scale between 1 and 10, where 1 is as much as lobsters love aeroplanes, and 10 is how much I love eating wombat-shaped pancakes in the bath tub, bubble wrap scores a solid 8.5, which is about equal to how much I love to watch penguins dance.
So, without hesitating, me and Fjodor jumped out through the window and started running towards where he saw the pit. I can't remember the last time I ran that fast, which might not be all that impressive considering how I can't remember the last time I ran, but either way, it felt like riding a rocket powered unicycle through space on a Tuesday afternoon (too much traffic in space on other days).
Anyways, we ran for about 23 minutes and 17 seconds, and along the way we picked up a weasel and two Dutch construction workers who also happened to be bubble wrap enthusiasts. We all stood around around the pit and stared into the darkness within. Fjodor said that his magic unicorn eyes could see halfway through the bottomless pit, and he guaranteed that he could see the bubble wrap we were promised, so we decided to send in the weasel first to investigate. We gave him a push, but as he fell into the hole, he started floating upwards, higher and higher. We had forgotten that weasels become lighter than air when they smell plastic, but at least this confirmed the presence of bubble wrap.
Now, we spent some time trying to get that bubble wrap, but I'm not going to bore you with the details, the really interesting part of the story is what took place in a galaxy far, far away, which the weasel had floated off to.
The weasel entered the atmosphere of a planet not dissimilar from ours, and he fell at a remarkable speed. In addition to that, he had caught on fire upon entering the atmosphere, and he also had an itch on his back which he couldn't quite reach. He crashed near a village, and the natives, naturally, assumed he was a fallen star. They gathered around the crash site, and the weasel, who elegantly managed to land on his feet thanks to his many years working in the circus as an elephant, seized this opportunity to proclaim himself the king of the planet, and since none of the natives spoke his language, they were unable to disagree.
The weasel, who was now the king of the planet, then demanded that the natives paid him tribute in the form of bubble wrap. The natives still did not understand him, but luckily, the English word "bubble wrap" sounded very similar to their word for time machine, and thus they gave him a device capable of travelling through both time and space. The weasel had no interest in travelling through time, but he did know someone who was... Me. And since the device was also capable of travelling through time, he went back to our planet, where we were enjoying the bubble wrap we finally had managed to reach.
The weasel then traded his time machine for my share of the bubble wrap, and I immediately started jumping through space, having all kinds of wacky adventures, and long story short, I am now the king of France. When my time adventures were over, I went back in time to the day before all this happened, collected the bubble wrap on my own, and went home to write this story. That is why I started this story by saying I woke up tomorrow. Hah, I bet you thought I was crazy.
The end!
The moral of the story is; never trust a falling star.
Thanks for the kind words, acmed. I followed your suggestion and grabbed my window, and then I THREW IT ON THE GROUND!
Anyways, been too lazy to write anything longer, but I've made a little limerick:
I once had a unicorn in my pocket, It could gallop through the air like a rocket, and I'd feed it hay, and it would happily neigh, Until it ran into an electric socket.
