Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Three and a Half Elves

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offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted January 31, '10 11:51pm UTC

I've been avoiding making a writing thread, but I finally decided to do one. I hope it's well received. First, I'll give you the basics: Three and a Half Elves will be an episodic adventure closely based on a D&D campaign I'm running. I figured it should be in Art, Music & Writing because I wrote the story as well as the episodes. Yes, I know that a D&D campaign is hardly the best story to write and I, personally, think such a story is just above fanfiction, but, in my defense: A) This is the only bit of writing I feel like putting on Armor Games and B) for the story, I change loads of D&D rules to fit generic fantasy world instead of 3.5 D&D. So, in the story, spells won't be too directly ripped from D&D and, more important, the characters won't advance as much. No arbitrary leveling up, no huge change in power as the story progresses. Anyway, on to the actual introduction (this is the forward).

Action! Adventure! Humor! Intrigue! Swords! Sorcery! Boring talky bits! From morally complex villains to blatantly corrupt heroes, Three and a Half Elves has everything you could ask for in a generic fantasy romp! Watch as our witty protagonists do battle with sinister monsters and devious politicians! I'll outline the cast below:

Erinakka - Erinakka hails from the wild forests, far from other elves. Having grown up far from civilization, she had to rely on her wits and strength to survive. She wields an axe with double-bladed heads on either end. Don't ask me how. She is know for her combat prowess and stoic demeanor â" as long as she's in a good mood. She is an elf and her name means "Jaws of the Forest" - I'm not the nerd who though of that!

Zorthar the King of Kings â" Zorthar is an elven necromancer of some power. Instead of using "uncivilized" murder-spells like fire and lightning (though he uses those, too) he prefers more subtitle murder-spells, such as those that drain energy or hinder foes. He is cunning and deceptive, which has saved him from the law many times. While he is an unrepentant necromancer, he is generally good-hearted, though often greedy an arrogant.

Chad McBuff - Chad McBuff is an elven assassin from the northern lands who came to United Utopia to find work. As a result, he has an odd accent and a strange name, including a wacky "last name", whatever that is. He is a master of stealth and assassination skills, such as climbing buildings, picking locks, sneaking and, of course, stabbing. He will kill anyone if the price is right, and the price is often "kill a man just to watch him die". The other Elves just try to point him in the right direction.

Miu â" Miu is a half-elf. She tends to be quite and maybe a tad mysterious. She has no ties in the area and no title. Miu is level-headed straight man of the group. She tends to be seriously interested in what is happening and is the driving force behind anything the Elves accomplish, ever.

That was way longer than I intended. Story starts next post!

PS: I'm testing to see if my off-site formatting works. Know that any broken symbols are there for SCIENCE!

I've been avoiding making a writing thread, but I finally decided to do one. I hope it's well received. First, I'll give you the basics: Three and a Half Elves will be an episodic adventure closely based on a D&D campaign I'm running. I figured it should be in Art, Music & Writing because I wrote the story as well as the episodes. Yes, I know that a D&D campaign is hardly the best story to write and I, personally, think such a story is just above fanfiction, but, in my defense: A) This is the only bit of writing I feel like putting on Armor Games and B) for the story, I change loads of D&D rules to fit generic fantasy world instead of 3.5 D&D. So, in the story, spells won't be too directly ripped from D&D and, more important, the characters won't advance as much. No arbitrary leveling up, no huge change in power as the story progresses. Anyway, on to the actual introduction (this is the forward).\r\n\r\nAction! Adventure! Humor! Intrigue! Swords! Sorcery! Boring talky bits! From morally complex villains to blatantly corrupt heroes, Three and a Half Elves has everything you could ask for in a generic fantasy romp! Watch as our witty protagonists do battle with sinister monsters and devious politicians! I'll outline the cast below:\r\n[b]\r\nErinakka[/b] - Erinakka hails from the wild forests, far from other elves. Having grown up far from civilization, she had to rely on her wits and strength to survive. She wields an axe with double-bladed heads on either end. Don't ask me how. She is know for her combat prowess and stoic demeanor â�" as long as she's in a good mood. She is an elf and her name means "Jaws of the Forest" - I'm not the nerd who though of that!\r\n\r\n[b]Zorthar the King of Kings[/b] â�" Zorthar is an elven necromancer of some power. Instead of using "uncivilized" murder-spells like fire and lightning (though he uses those, too) he prefers more subtitle murder-spells, such as those that drain energy or hinder foes. He is cunning and deceptive, which has saved him from the law many times. While he is an unrepentant necromancer, he is generally good-hearted, though often greedy an arrogant.\r\n\r\n[b]Chad McBuff[/b] -  Chad McBuff is an elven assassin from the northern lands who came to United Utopia to find work. As a result, he has an odd accent and a strange name, including a wacky "last name", whatever that is. He is a master of stealth and assassination skills, such as climbing buildings, picking locks, sneaking and, of course, stabbing. He will kill anyone if the price is right, and the price is often "kill a man just to watch him die". The other Elves just try to point him in the right direction.\r\n\r\n[b]Miu[/b] â�" Miu is a half-elf. She tends to be quite and maybe a tad mysterious. She has no ties in the area and no title. Miu is level-headed straight man of the group. She tends to be seriously interested in what is happening and is the driving force behind anything the Elves accomplish, ever.\r\n\r\nThat was way longer than I intended. Story starts next post!\r\n\r\nPS: I'm testing to see if my off-site formatting works. Know that any broken symbols are there for SCIENCE!

37 Replies

offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted January 31, '10 11:58pm UTC

Darn. My hyphens don't work.

Three and a Half Elves Chapter One: There's Always a Cave! Episode One: Two and a Half Elves

Elves elves elves elves elfly elf elf elves!
Elves elves elves elves elfly elf elf elves!
Elves elves elves elves elfly elf elf elves!
Eeeeeeeelllllvveess!

Before there was Three, there was only Two... and a half. The small town of Beginning Borough (of the Utopian kingdom) was located conveniently just south of Whimsical Wood, just west of Salivating Swamp and rather close to Rainbow River (but what isn't?). Unfortunately for it, it is on the very edge of the Utopian territories, situated far away from United Utopia. To counter act this, the town counsel constructed a tavern. This allowed them to hold of their weakest enemies, but for heavy duty threats, a tavern/inn combo pack was built. This is where our story begins. A tavern inn. Erinakka ordered a drink.
"What kind of drink?" asked the barmaid.
"You know... a drink." Erinakka grunted.
"Yes, what kind?" insisted the barmaid. Erinakka stared at her in silence.
"No idea." she admitted. "Maybe alcohol? Like, alcoholic."
"Hard liquid or something more tame?" asked the barmaid accommodatingly.
"The harder the weaker, right?" asked Erinakka.
"No. Other way around." said the bemused barmaid.
"Son of a... really?" Erinakka swore, resting her head in her hand.
"She'll have a whiskey." said a voice from the left. A young woman with pale blue hair and a cloak of leaves took a seat beside Erinakka.
"Nice to meet yo-" Erinakka began.
"I see you're group lacks a mage. May I join?" said a suave voice.
"Who are you?" demanded Erinakka.
"What group?" asked Miu.
"Great! This inn is really paying off!" exclaimed the barmaid.
"It's obvious that we're going to solve whatever silly problem this town has. That's why they built the inn." said Zorthar dryly.
"We don't even know each other!" Erinakka argued.
"Of course. That's the point. That's why they built the inn!" Zorthar declared.
"You know, he's technically right." observed Miu. Erinakka sighed. The barmaid poured her a shot of liquid.
"Nothing I say" she sighed, "will make this any less akward. Also, this tastes exactly like water."
"We all know how this conversation ends." said the barmaid. Erinakka stared at her in silence for a few seconds.
"Alright, screw it then. What do we need to do?" she said, giving in to the inevitable.
"Ask the barmaid." explained . "Anything cool go down recently?"
"Nope. Everything's been idyllic 'round these parts." said the barmaid.
"What about the cave?" asked Zorthar.
"What cave? We don't have caves around here." she said. Miu raised her eyebrows in surprise. A few bar patrons burst out laughing.
"No cave!" repeated one man, laughing. "But seriously, we've had a little trouble with our cave."
"Such as?" Zorthar promoted.
"We use that cave to store stuff, see? Though it's important to our village, we have very little foot traffic in there. We sent Jim the Bland out there to pick up some of the stored pickles, but he never came back." said the patron. Miu glared silently. Zorthar shrugged. Erinakka looked inexpressive.
"So we went out to find him." continued the guy. "We found him alright... but he was dead!"
Miu glared silently. Zorthar shrugged. Erinakka looked inexpressive.
"Dead?" Miu asked, apprehensive.
"Yep. We figured he tripped." confirmed the man.
"Tripped?" asked Erinakka, skeptical.
"Yeah, tripped." he confirmed.
"Did you have any evidence that he tripped?" she asked patiently. The man looked at her as though she had just suggested slapping the king.
"Anyway," he said, blinking, "we put up a 'Danger! Wet floor' sign."
"The floor was wet?" asked Miu. "Did it look like he was injured by slipping in the water?"
"You see," said the man, "I can't be bothered to remember details like possible cause of death or what the guy looked like, but I can remember exactly where the cave and bodies are."
"OK, I guess we'll just check it out our- wait, bodies?!" Zorthar exclaimed.
"Yeah. Two or three people have tripped and died. Otherwise, we wouldn't have to put up a wet floor warning." he said as though it was obvious.
"I question the legality of that, but it's obvious that you can't help us." said Miu. "We're going to go check out the cave."

-----------------

Some parties have non-contrived or stupid reasons for being together. The rest met in an inn. I'll update with the next episode soon, as this one was short and boring, but that's just how intros go in this story!

Also, my formatting should work now. Once again, science.

Darn. My hyphens don't work.\r\n\r\nThree and a Half Elves Chapter One: There's Always a Cave! Episode One: Two and a Half Elves\r\n\r\nElves elves elves elves elfly elf elf elves!\r\nElves elves elves elves elfly elf elf elves!\r\nElves elves elves elves elfly elf elf elves!\r\nEeeeeeeelllllvveess!\r\n\r\nBefore there was Three, there was only Two... and a half.  The small town of Beginning Borough (of the Utopian kingdom) was located conveniently just south of Whimsical Wood, just west of Salivating Swamp and rather close to Rainbow River (but what isn't?). Unfortunately for it, it is on the very edge   of the Utopian territories, situated far away from United Utopia. To counter act this, the town counsel constructed a tavern. This allowed them to hold of their weakest enemies, but for heavy duty threats, a tavern/inn combo pack was built. This is where our story begins. A tavern inn. Erinakka ordered a drink.\r\n"What kind of drink?" asked the barmaid.\r\n"You know... a drink." Erinakka grunted.\r\n"Yes, what kind?" insisted the barmaid. Erinakka stared at her in silence.\r\n"No idea." she admitted. "Maybe alcohol? Like, alcoholic."\r\n"Hard liquid or something more tame?" asked the barmaid accommodatingly.\r\n"The harder the weaker, right?" asked Erinakka.\r\n"No. Other way around." said the bemused barmaid.\r\n"Son of a... really?" Erinakka swore, resting her head in her hand.\r\n"She'll have a whiskey." said a voice from the left. A young woman with pale blue hair and a cloak of leaves took a seat beside Erinakka.\r\n"Nice to meet yo-" Erinakka began.\r\n"I see you're group lacks a mage. May I join?" said a suave voice.\r\n"Who are you?" demanded Erinakka.\r\n"What group?" asked Miu.\r\n"Great! This inn is really paying off!" exclaimed the barmaid.\r\n"It's obvious that we're going to solve whatever silly problem this town has. That's why they built the inn." said Zorthar dryly.\r\n"We don't even know each other!" Erinakka argued.\r\n"Of course. That's the point. That's why they built the inn!" Zorthar declared.\r\n"You know, he's technically right." observed Miu. Erinakka sighed. The barmaid poured her a shot of liquid.\r\n"Nothing I say" she sighed, "will make this any less akward. Also, this tastes exactly like water."\r\n"We all know how this conversation ends." said the barmaid. Erinakka stared at her in silence for a few seconds.\r\n"Alright, screw it then. What do we need to do?" she said, giving in to the inevitable.\r\n"Ask the barmaid." explained . "Anything cool go down recently?"\r\n"Nope. Everything's been idyllic 'round these parts." said the barmaid.\r\n"What about the cave?" asked Zorthar.\r\n"What cave? We don't have caves around here." she said. Miu raised her eyebrows in surprise. A few bar patrons burst out laughing.\r\n"No cave!" repeated one man, laughing. "But seriously, we've had a little trouble with our cave."\r\n"Such as?" Zorthar promoted.\r\n"We use that cave to store stuff, see? Though it's important to our village, we have very little foot traffic in there. We sent Jim the Bland out there to pick up some of the stored pickles, but he never came back." said the patron. Miu glared silently. Zorthar shrugged. Erinakka looked inexpressive.\r\n"So we went out to find him." continued the guy. "We found him alright... but he was dead!"\r\nMiu glared silently. Zorthar shrugged. Erinakka looked inexpressive.\r\n"Dead?" Miu asked, apprehensive.\r\n"Yep. We figured he tripped." confirmed the man.\r\n"Tripped?" asked Erinakka, skeptical.\r\n"Yeah, tripped." he confirmed.\r\n"Did you have any evidence that he tripped?" she asked patiently. The man looked at her as though she had just suggested slapping the king.\r\n"Anyway," he said, blinking, "we put up a 'Danger! Wet floor' sign."\r\n"The floor was wet?" asked Miu. "Did it look like he was injured by slipping in the water?"\r\n"You see," said the man, "I can't be bothered to remember details like possible cause of death or what the guy looked like, but I can remember exactly where the cave and bodies are."\r\n"OK, I guess we'll just check it out our- wait, bodies?!" Zorthar exclaimed.\r\n"Yeah. Two or three people have tripped and died. Otherwise, we wouldn't have to put up a wet floor warning." he said as though it was obvious.\r\n"I question the legality of that, but it's obvious that you can't help us." said Miu. "We're going to go check out the cave."\r\n\r\n-----------------\r\n\r\nSome parties have non-contrived or stupid reasons for being together. The rest met in an inn. I'll update with the next episode soon, as this one was short and boring, but that's just how intros go in this story!\r\n\r\nAlso, my formatting should work now. Once again, science.

offline

Gantic

11,891 posts

King

Posted February 1, '10 4:23am UTC

Three and a Half Elves will be an episodic adventure closely based on a D&D campaign I'm running.

=

No miniatures. D:

Some parties have non-contrived or stupid reasons for being together. The rest met in an inn. I'll update with the next episode soon, as this one was short and boring, but that's just how intros go in this story!

Haha... metafiction... I'd get haemochromatosis if there is a pun fit with the meta (non-ironic pun?), but:

Awesome.

offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted February 2, '10 2:51am UTC

=

No miniatures. D:

Wait, do you mean D&D miniatures, or do you mean to discourage episodic stories? Something else entirely? Also: Darn it, that shouldn't read "episodic adventure". It should be... something that hasn't been taken by D&D terminology.

I'd get haemochromatosis if there is a pun fit with the meta (non-ironic pun?)

Haemochromatosis. That's too much something in blood, right? [Iron. I checked wikipedia.] Interesting choice of words. Makes me think you're word playing circles around me.

offline

Strop

10,816 posts

Bard

Posted February 2, '10 3:14am UTC

Makes me think you're word playing circles around me.

It's only what he does approximately 100% of the time.

TO THE BATCAVE!

offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted February 2, '10 3:20am UTC

It's only what he does approximately 100% of the time.

I've noticed.

TO THE BATCAVE!

No Strop, to the Ratcave. Eh, I can try.

offline

Gantic

11,891 posts

King

Posted February 2, '10 3:43am UTC

Wait, do you mean D&D miniatures, or do you mean to discourage episodic stories? Something else entirely? Also: Darn it, that shouldn't read "episodic adventure". It should be... something that hasn't been taken by D&D terminology.

I meant D&D miniatures.

Makes me think you're word playing circles around me.

Really Lame Puns 101. (I think it's part of the major for Really Bad Jokes.) It was either that or the one where it acts as a cure for an iron-deficiency disease.

[quote]TO THE BATCAVE!

No Strop, to the Ratcave. Eh, I can try.[/quote]

Or the foxhole.

offline

Strop

10,816 posts

Bard

Posted February 2, '10 4:49am UTC

You mean to say there are rats and possibly foxes in this cave but no bats!?!?!?

BLASPHEMY.

offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted February 2, '10 5:12am UTC

You mean to say that a DM would actually make the ecology of a dungeon make sense? That's blasphemy!

offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted February 2, '10 5:44am UTC

Three and a Half Elves Chapter 1: There's Always a Cave! Episode 2: Cold Case

Cool Cave was located in Happy Hills, which was a hilly area that separated Beginning Borough from Rainbow River. It was just east of Cheery Chapel, the local church. It had a wide, open entrance, well lit by the light of day. Here is where the Elves ended up.
"I don't think these guys tripped." said Zorthar. Two people were laying face down in a pool of water. The water was encircled by a line of salt. Errinakka stepped neatly over the salt and poked a corpse with her axe.
"They're dead all right." she observed.
"Any idea what killed them?" Zorthar asked, unconcerned.
"Looks like..." Erinakka began, searching for the right word. "Looks like nothing. For all I know, they weren't killed, they just died."
"How is that possible?" asked Zorthar, lifting a small pebble with magic. Erinakka and Miu glared at him.
"Good point." he said, letting the pebble fall.
"Anyway," said Erinakka "Miu should check this out. She's better at this stuff than me." Miu knelt down to check the bodies. After a few minutes of fiddling around, Miu had acquired some spare change and some knowledge.
"I found three hawks." Miu said, pocketing the cash.
"Hawks?" repeated Erinakka, bemused.
"Hawks? What the- nobody calls them that!" exclaimed Zorthar. "Just call them copper pieces. That's what all the cool kids are doing."
"They seem to have frozen to death." Miu concluded, ignoring Zorthar.
"What, like hypothermia?" Erinakka asked.
"No." Miu explained "Frozen. Like popsicles.They've thawed."
"How is that possible?" Zorthar asked again. "Oh, right."
"What do we do?" asked Erinakka "Explore the cave? Ask around town? Start punching wizards in the face?" Zorthar rolled his eyes.
"My vote is spelunking." said Miu.
"It's not like we have anything better to do." reasoned Erinakka.
"Besides, the townspeople surely investigated the local mages." said Miu. With that, the Elves headed deeper into the cave, down a gentle, snaking incline into a large storeroom, lit by wall mounted torches. Wooden boxes and barrels were haphazardly stacked about. A barrel had been knocked over, spilling herrings and gray-green liquid across the floor.
"That's just crate!" exclaimed Erinakka.
"A little fishy if you ask me." said Miu.
"Looks like quite a pickle." said Zorthar.
"Any idea if this is remotely related to anything?" asked Erinakka.
"Nope." said Zorthar. "Miu?"
"How should I know?" Miu asked.
"You're the tracker." Zorthar observed.
"So? 'Tracker' doesn't mean 'general purpose crime scene investigator'. We aren't even tracking anything!" argued Erinakka.
"We're in a cave." Miu stated. Erinakka and Zorthar stared at Miu expectantly for a few seconds.
"Huh." said Zorthar, looking away from Miu. "Anyway, we should totally get back to spelunking."
"Word." said Erinakka, nodding. "Grab a torch."
"Yeah Miu, grab a torch." Zorthar said. Miu raised an eyebrow. Zorthar sighed and pulled a torch down from the wall. The Elves headed deeper into the cave along a conspicuously straight passageway and into a conspicuously circular room. This room was completely devoid of anything of interest, save a perfectly round hole if the floor, about three inches in diameter. The Elves looked into it. It descended into blackness, though the sound of rushing water emanated from it.
"Nothing of interest here. Let's go." said Miu. They continued their exploration through a tight passage.
"It sure is cold in here." remarked Erinakka after a few minutes of uneventful walking through the cave.
"Yep." said Miu.
"Pretty chilly, yeah." agreed Zorthar. "Caves, huh?"
"So... what else?" asked Erinakka of no one in particular. They walked in silence past an underground pool and under a colony of bats.
"Wait." said Miu, stopping in her tracks. "Did you hear that?"
"What is it?" asked Zorthar, a little alarmed. Miu drew her bow. Suddenly, a small, bipedal creature squeaked and scurried from its hiding place behind a stalagmite and away from the elves. Miu fired two arrows in rapid succession, hitting whatever it was with the second shot. It screeched and fell to the ground. The Elves ran over to see what it was. It was, as it turned out, a small humanoid creature, no taller than three feet. It had thin, rusty-brown fur and scaly skin. Its face was elongated like that of a canine or rat. Two small horns protruded just above its lifeless, slit-pupil eyes.
"A kobold?" Erinakka wondered aloud. "But they wouldn't be out this far alone. Unless... oh hell."

----------------------------

We finally get the plot started! I've always wondered what characters do in their spare time. Adventurers spend lots of time walking, preparing spells, healing or just hanging around. I can only guess the characters kill time by making akward conversation.

[b]Three and a Half Elves Chapter 1: There's Always a Cave![/b] [i]Episode 2: Cold Case[/i]\r\n\r\n        Cool Cave was located in Happy Hills, which was a hilly area that separated Beginning Borough from Rainbow River. It was just east of Cheery Chapel, the local church. It had a wide, open entrance, well lit by the light of day. Here is where the Elves ended up.\r\n"I don't think these guys tripped." said Zorthar. Two people were laying face down in a pool of water.  The water was encircled by a line of salt. Errinakka stepped neatly over the salt and poked a corpse with her axe.\r\n"They're dead all right." she observed.\r\n"Any idea what killed them?" Zorthar asked, unconcerned.\r\n"Looks like..." Erinakka began, searching for the right word. "Looks like nothing. For all I know, they weren't killed, they just died."\r\n"How is that possible?" asked Zorthar, lifting a small pebble with magic. Erinakka and Miu glared at him.\r\n"Good point." he said, letting the pebble fall.\r\n"Anyway," said Erinakka "Miu should check this out. She's better at this stuff than me." Miu knelt down to check the bodies. After a few minutes of fiddling around, Miu had acquired some spare change and some knowledge.\r\n"I found three hawks." Miu said, pocketing the cash.\r\n"Hawks?" repeated Erinakka, bemused.\r\n"Hawks? What the- nobody calls them that!" exclaimed Zorthar. "Just call them copper pieces. That's what all the cool kids are doing."\r\n"They seem to have frozen to death." Miu concluded, ignoring Zorthar.\r\n"What, like hypothermia?" Erinakka asked.\r\n"No." Miu explained "Frozen. Like popsicles.They've thawed."\r\n"How is that possible?" Zorthar asked again. "Oh, right."\r\n"What do we do?" asked Erinakka "Explore the cave? Ask around town? Start punching wizards in the face?" Zorthar rolled his eyes.\r\n"My vote is spelunking." said Miu.\r\n"It's not like we have anything better to do." reasoned Erinakka.\r\n"Besides, the townspeople surely investigated the local mages." said Miu. With that, the Elves headed deeper into the cave, down a gentle, snaking incline into a large storeroom, lit by wall mounted torches. Wooden boxes and barrels were haphazardly stacked about. A barrel had been knocked over, spilling herrings and gray-green liquid across the floor.\r\n"That's just crate!" exclaimed Erinakka.\r\n"A little fishy if you ask me." said Miu.\r\n"Looks like quite a pickle." said Zorthar.\r\n"Any idea if this is remotely related to anything?" asked Erinakka.\r\n"Nope." said Zorthar. "Miu?"\r\n"How should I know?" Miu asked.\r\n"You're the tracker." Zorthar observed.\r\n"So? 'Tracker' doesn't mean 'general purpose crime scene investigator'. We aren't even tracking anything!" argued Erinakka.\r\n"We're in a cave." Miu stated.  Erinakka and Zorthar stared at Miu expectantly for a few seconds.\r\n"Huh." said Zorthar, looking away from Miu. "Anyway, we should totally get back to spelunking."\r\n"Word." said Erinakka, nodding. "Grab a torch."\r\n"Yeah Miu, grab a torch." Zorthar said. Miu raised an eyebrow. Zorthar sighed and pulled a torch down from the wall. The Elves headed deeper into the cave along a conspicuously straight passageway and into a conspicuously circular room. This room was completely devoid of anything of interest, save a perfectly round hole if the floor, about three inches in diameter. The Elves looked into it. It descended into blackness, though the sound of rushing water emanated from it.\r\n"Nothing of interest here. Let's go." said Miu. They continued their exploration through a tight passage.\r\n"It sure is cold in here." remarked Erinakka after a few minutes of uneventful walking through the cave.\r\n"Yep." said Miu.\r\n"Pretty chilly, yeah." agreed Zorthar. "Caves, huh?"\r\n"So... what else?" asked Erinakka of no one in particular. They walked in silence past an underground pool and under a colony of bats.\r\n"Wait." said Miu, stopping in her tracks. "Did you hear that?"\r\n"What is it?" asked Zorthar, a little alarmed. Miu drew her bow. Suddenly, a small, bipedal creature squeaked and scurried from its hiding place behind a stalagmite and away from the elves. Miu fired two arrows in rapid succession, hitting whatever it was with the second shot. It screeched and fell to the ground. The Elves ran over to see what it was. It was, as it turned out, a small humanoid creature, no taller than three feet. It had thin, rusty-brown fur and scaly skin. Its face was elongated like that of a canine or rat. Two small horns protruded just above its lifeless, slit-pupil eyes.\r\n"A kobold?" Erinakka wondered aloud. "But they wouldn't be out this far alone. Unless... oh hell."\r\n\r\n----------------------------\r\n\r\nWe finally get the plot started! I've always wondered what characters do in their spare time. Adventurers spend lots of time walking, preparing spells, healing or just hanging around. I can only guess the characters kill time by making akward conversation.

offline

Gantic

11,891 posts

King

Posted February 9, '10 3:16am UTC

Few things are more annoying than kobolds, one of them being a very fast pickpocket that is good at escape.

offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted February 9, '10 3:43pm UTC

Worse than pick pockets? Succubus. Players will believe that anything is alive to be murdered or mated with, so it's good to blur the lines sometimes.

So nobody wanted to take red herring? Anyway:

Three and a Half Elves Chapter One: There's Always a Cave! Episode Three: But, Sun Tzu Said-!

Spears flew from the darkness. The Elves threw themselves on the ground to avoid the barrage. The cave was filled with the echoing, high-pitched yapping of kobold battle cries. Three small, ratlike kobolds charged towards the Elves, brandishing additional spears. Zorthar hastily cast a defensive spell. Miu sprung to her feet. Erinakka followed suit, leaping forward and slaying the nearest kobold. One of the two survivors attempted to stab her while the other one tried a leaping attack of its own. Miu fired an arrow at the leaping kobold, knocking it off its feet. Zorthar dashed past the skirmish and loosed a blast of fire at the four kobolds hanging back and throwing spears. While they weren't killed by the heat, it did force them to retreat.
"Chase them!" Zorthar commanded.
"Why?" Miu asked.
"They'll take us to their leader!" Zorthar declared. The Elves chased the fleeing kobolds down a steep incline. The lower level of the cave complex was even chillier than the one above it, but the Elves had more important things to notice: A light aside from their own shined dimly farther along the passage. The surviving kobolds made a beeline for it. The Elves chased them enthusiastically.
"Come on, they're trying to warn their buddies!" shouted Erinakka. "Stop them!" The Elves hurried to the source of the light: A small desk, sitting in the middle of the cave, with a candle spreading light over a few pages of paper. Zorthar grabbed one of the pages and began to read: It appeared to be an invoice of some sort. The other two immediately forgot about the kobolds and picked up their own papers, examining them. Before they could read further into the situation, a kobold hopped up onto the desk, pointing scaly finger at Zorthar and shouted something in an unknown language. Instantly, spears flew for the Elves (again). Zorthar was struck twice, causing him to fall to the ground and drop his torch. Erinakka dodged a spear, as if with super human reflexes. Miu deflected one with a leather bracer. The kobold on the desk jumped down and scurried back into the shadows while the heroes were distracted.
"Run!" suggested Miu sensibly. Erinakka picked up Zorthar and slung him awkwardly over her shoulder. Miu grabbed the torch and the Elves took flight. They were managing to escape the kobolds even with Zorthar's dead weight, until they reached the incline: Erinakka and Miu lost their footing on the ramp, as it was now coated in some type of slippery grease. Erinakka struggled to her feet. Miu started to crawl. Unfortunately, her torch set the grease on fire. The two elves and the half-elf rolled out of the blaze as fast as they could, patting out their flaming clothes.
"Our escape route is trapped and on fire." Miu lamented. "Those spear guys are coming."
"We're gonna die!" the mage whined. Erinakka said nothing but prepared to fight. Miu shrugged and returned to ascending the ramp, as the grease had all but burned away. Erinakka quickly knew to follow, as the kobolds from the desk were closing fast.
After a few hectic minutes of running, dodging spears and being pelted with rocks, Erinakka emerged from the cave and into the light of mid afternoon, carrying Zorthar over her shoulder and dragging the now injured Miu behind her. She was cut and bruised herself, but she walked toward Cheery Chapel with determination, knowing that the priests would help them. She limped across the street and to the small church of the sun god. As she arrived, she set Zorthar down with a thud and knocked heavily on the closed door. Fortunately for her, someone heard her: A pudgy, round-faced man in white robes answered the door.
"Yo, what up?" he said in a slightly high-pitched voice. "Name's Zahz the Mystic. Whadda you dudes need tonight?" In response, Erinakka fell to her knees wearily.
"You need some healing, huh?" said the priest, clapping his hands together enthusiastically. "That's cool: My boy Tezzy will hook you up right."
"The sun god's name is not 'Tezzy'." Miu mumbled.
"Tezcatlipoca, whatever works for you, dude." the mystic exclaimed. "Me and him are tight."
"Please, help us." Zorthar pleaded. Erinakka glared at him.
"I'm on it!" said Zahz. "I'll heal you right here, for cheap. Did you guys get in a fight?"
After a few minutes of healing, the Elves sat around a table in the church, eating little crackers. Zahz was not with them, but rather "cleaning up" in the back.
"We lost." Miu said simply.
"You mean with the kobolds or how we had to pay that priest twenty gold to heal us?" Zorthar grumbled sarcastically.
"I say we go back and kill those rotters." said Erinakka, pounding her fist on the table.
"No." said Miu. "We lost."
"So! We fight again." Erinakka exclaimed.
"Yeah!" Zorthar agreed.
"Why did we lose?" asked Miu constructively, rolling her eyes.
"They had more guys, they knew the cave and they jumped us." Zorthar said.
"That all?" asked Miu.
"No." Erinakka siad. "They were ready for us. They had an ambush planned out."
"They had two ambushes planned out." Zorthar concluded.
"So what can we do?" Miu prompted. Silence followed for a few seconds.
"Attack them tomorrow?" Zorthar suggested finally.
"Atack them tomorrow, yes." said Erinakka. "Tonight, we need a plan of our own."

--------------------------------

Most DMs play kobolds as cannon fodder. What can I say, that's not how I roll. I also run into the same problem a lot in writing and DMing: An problem can be made more dangorus when it's on fire. Greasy ramp? Danger. Flaming ramp? Worse.

In other news, I've started to do what I was hoping to avoid: Make rules jokes. They've been subtle so far though, so I think I'm fine.

Worse than pick pockets? Succubus. Players will believe that anything is alive to be murdered or mated with, so it's good to blur the lines sometimes.\r\n\r\nSo nobody wanted to take [i]red herring[/i]? Anyway:\r\n\r\n[b]Three and a Half Elves Chapter One: There's Always a Cave![/b] [i]Episode Three: But, Sun Tzu Said-![/i]\r\n\r\n        Spears flew from the darkness. The Elves threw themselves on the ground to avoid the barrage. The cave was filled with the echoing, high-pitched yapping of kobold battle cries. Three small, ratlike kobolds charged towards the Elves, brandishing additional spears. Zorthar hastily cast a defensive spell. Miu sprung to her feet. Erinakka followed suit, leaping forward and slaying the nearest kobold. One of the two survivors attempted to stab her while the other one tried a leaping attack of its own. Miu fired an arrow at the leaping kobold, knocking it off its feet. Zorthar dashed past the skirmish and loosed a blast of fire at the four kobolds hanging back and throwing spears. While they weren't killed by the heat, it did force them to retreat.\r\n"Chase them!" Zorthar commanded.\r\n"Why?" Miu asked.\r\n"They'll take us to their leader!" Zorthar declared. The Elves chased the fleeing kobolds down a steep  incline. The lower level of the cave complex was even chillier than the one above it, but the Elves had more important things to notice: A light aside from their own shined dimly farther along the passage. The surviving kobolds made a beeline for it. The Elves chased them enthusiastically.\r\n"Come on, they're trying to warn their buddies!" shouted Erinakka. "Stop them!" The Elves hurried to the source of the light: A small desk, sitting in the middle of the cave, with a candle spreading light over a few pages of paper. Zorthar grabbed one of the pages and began to read: It appeared to be an invoice of some sort. The other two immediately forgot about the kobolds and picked up their own papers, examining them. Before they could read further into the situation, a kobold hopped up onto the desk, pointing scaly finger at Zorthar and shouted something in an unknown language. Instantly, spears flew for the Elves (again). Zorthar was struck twice, causing him to fall to the ground and drop his torch. Erinakka dodged a spear, as if with super human reflexes. Miu deflected one with a leather bracer. The kobold on the desk jumped down and scurried back into the shadows while the heroes were distracted.\r\n"Run!" suggested Miu sensibly. Erinakka picked up Zorthar and slung him awkwardly over her shoulder. Miu grabbed the torch and the Elves took flight. They were managing to escape the kobolds even with Zorthar's dead weight, until they reached the incline: Erinakka and Miu lost their footing on the ramp, as it was now coated in some type of slippery grease. Erinakka struggled to her feet. Miu started to crawl. Unfortunately, her torch set the grease on fire. The two elves and the half-elf rolled out of the blaze as fast as they could, patting out their flaming clothes.\r\n"Our escape route is trapped [b]and[/b] on fire." Miu lamented. "Those spear guys are coming."\r\n"We're gonna die!" the mage whined. Erinakka said nothing but prepared to fight. Miu shrugged and returned to ascending the ramp, as the grease had all but burned away. Erinakka quickly knew to follow, as the kobolds from the desk were closing fast.\r\n       After a few hectic minutes of running, dodging spears and being pelted with rocks, Erinakka emerged from the cave and into the light of mid afternoon, carrying Zorthar over her shoulder and dragging the now injured Miu behind her. She was cut and bruised herself, but she walked toward Cheery Chapel with determination, knowing that the priests would help them. She limped across the street and to the small church of the sun god. As she arrived, she set Zorthar down with a thud and knocked heavily on the closed door. Fortunately for her, someone heard her: A pudgy, round-faced man in white robes answered the door.\r\n"Yo, what up?" he said in a slightly high-pitched voice. "Name's Zahz the Mystic. Whadda you dudes need tonight?" In response, Erinakka fell to her knees wearily.\r\n"You need some healing, huh?" said the priest, clapping his hands together enthusiastically. "That's cool: My boy Tezzy will hook you up right."\r\n"The sun god's name is not 'Tezzy'." Miu mumbled.\r\n"Tezcatlipoca, whatever works for you, dude." the mystic exclaimed. "Me and him are tight."\r\n"Please, help us." Zorthar pleaded. Erinakka glared at him.\r\n"I'm on it!" said Zahz. "I'll heal you right here, for cheap. Did you guys get in a fight?"\r\n     After a few minutes of healing, the Elves sat around a table in the church, eating little crackers. Zahz was not with them, but rather "cleaning up" in the back.\r\n"We lost." Miu said simply.\r\n"You mean with the kobolds or how we had to pay that priest twenty gold to heal us?" Zorthar grumbled sarcastically.\r\n"I say we go back and kill those rotters." said Erinakka, pounding her fist on the table.\r\n"No." said Miu. "We lost."\r\n"So! We fight again." Erinakka exclaimed.\r\n"Yeah!" Zorthar agreed.\r\n"Why did we lose?" asked Miu constructively, rolling her eyes.\r\n"They had more guys, they knew the cave and they jumped us." Zorthar said.\r\n"That all?" asked Miu.\r\n"No." Erinakka siad. "They were ready for us. They had an ambush planned out."\r\n"They had two ambushes planned out." Zorthar concluded.\r\n"So what can we do?" Miu prompted. Silence followed for a few seconds.\r\n"Attack them tomorrow?" Zorthar suggested finally.\r\n"Atack them tomorrow, yes." said Erinakka. "Tonight, we need a plan of our own."\r\n\r\n--------------------------------\r\n\r\nMost DMs  play kobolds as cannon fodder. What can I say, that's not how I roll. I also run into the same problem a lot in writing and DMing: An problem can be made more dangorus when it's [i]on fire.[/i] Greasy ramp? Danger. Flaming ramp? Worse.\r\n\r\nIn other news, I've started to do what I was hoping to avoid: Make rules jokes. They've been subtle so far though, so I think I'm fine.

offline

yellowsubmarine

17 posts

Nomad

Posted February 9, '10 6:20pm UTC

Nice story

offline

Gantic

11,891 posts

King

Posted February 10, '10 2:07am UTC

Players will believe that anything is alive to be murdered or mated with, so it's good to blur the lines sometimes.

Isn't that the point?

So nobody wanted to take red herring?

I had a red herring jab for the WoM, but it didn't follow well after my "witty" Arabian Nights barb, which I didn't post anyway, so it's kinda lost its piquancy.

Nice story

Ouch, that's gotta sting.

On another note: To be concise, WTF humor is always fun. It's hard to resist a poke at the rules. And Zorthar appears, or acts, less sharp than he is.

offline

Xzeno

2,301 posts

Nomad

Posted February 10, '10 3:12am UTC

[quote]Nice story

Ouch, that's gotta sting.[/quote] If you ask me, comments like that have no point. Because, you know, he didn't end his sentence with a period. Thanks for the compliment anyway, Yellowsubmarine.

WTF humor is always fun.

I assume you're referring to Zahz's cameo appearance. He was almost a regular member of the cast, but...

It's hard to resist a poke at the rules.

Pretty much, yeah. Still, I try to resist, because, to be frank, making rules jokes about 3.5 D&D is like boxing Stevie Wonder.

And Zorthar appears, or acts, less sharp than he is.

Dang. You're on to me.

Anyway, now it's time to meet some of our supporting cast. In case you're one of my players, DON'T READ THINGS MARKED INTERLUDE! If you aren't, go ahead and learn a thing or two about kobolds and the villains.

Three and a Half Elves: Interlude One: A Tail of Two Branches

A kobold with dark brown fur and yellow eyes paused near the door. He was deciding whether or not he should bring his bow to the hearing. He soon decided to leave the bow, but keep his sword. With that, Rattail entered the freezing auditorium. He found nine kobolds standing before him, eight of which were dressed in red, one of which wore white.
"High Priest?" Rattail exclaimed in surprise. "I was expecting to speak with the Circle of Magi."
"The Circle is otherwise occupied." said a red robe wearer with a note of disdain. He had short, white fur, small horns, yellow eyes and a wide mouth of sharp teeth.
"The clergy will hear what you have to say, Captain Rattail." announced the one in the white robe.
"Just a status report." said Rattail. "Humans intruded again." The tribunal remained silent. Rattail blinked expectantly before continuing.
"So three humans intruded." he picked up awkwardly. "We, uh, chased them away, but we lost Sez and Howlin' Wolf. We also lost a barrel of grease, but..." he trailed off, as though to let the news of death sink in.
"Were the humans killed?" asked the High Priest sharply.
"No." answered Rattail. "We let them go." The High Priest paused.
"Apostles, you are dismissed." he finally said with a wave of his hand. The red robe wearing apostles got up to leave hesitantly, with one exception: The kobold who had announced the Circle's busyness stood up quickly, as though he couldn't wait to leave.
"Apostle Grippli, Apostle Amidantu, remain." the High Priest commanded. A sparse haired, bronze skinned kobold dropped out of the group of those leaving. The smiling kobold ceased his escape and adopted a scowl.
"But High Priest, the Circle-" started the vexed kobold.
"The Circle can wait, Grippli: They do not need every Sorcerer for a meeting." said he High Priest calmly. He waited for the other Apostles to depart before continuing: "Rattail, why did you allow the humans to live?"
"I saw no reason to kill them. The penalty for trespassing is not death." Rattail explained. The High Priest sat in silence.
"Grippli?" he finally asked.
"You should have slain them yourself, Captain." said Grippli without hesitation.
"Why?" asked Rattail defensively.
"Is the penalty for murder not death?" Grippli sneared.
"Apostle Grip- er, Sorcerer Sage, this was not murder, this was battle. They killed in hot blood and in self defense." Rattal argued.
"Sez was a friend of mine." Amidantu cut it. "Are you saying that humans should not be killed in battle and kobolds should?" Grippli narrowed his eyes and glared at Amidantu.
"I'm saying I would prefer to avoid killing unnecessarily!" Rattail exclaimed.
Amidantu opened his mouth to speak, but the High Priest cut him off: "Grippli, Amidantu, the two of you have just volunteered for support duty. Mr. Sage, please alter your schedule with the Circle accordingly. Mr. Queyim, report to Captain Rattail tomorrow. Rattail, write your official report and send it to the Circle, for what it's worth. These incidents are starting to become all too common. You three are dismissed." The three bowed hastily, saying "Serpent's Blessings" to the High Priest in unison.
"May she watch over you." responded the High Priest politely. "Now get out of my office." The three kobolds turned and left through the door Rattail had used to enter.
"That was short." remarked Rattail once the High Priest was out of ear shot.
"I should not have been so audacious." Grippli said frustratedly.
"Your boldness will vex you until your death, Sorcerer." said Amidantu, grinning.
"You both fouled up pretty bad." said Rattail. "Ami, when you become High Priest, you will need to learn to trust Tiamat, not your feelings. Grippli-" he paused.
"I should sleep more." Grippli concluded grumpily. Rattail took a prolonged look at Amidantu before continuing.
"Your duel position becomes less advantageous by the moment. I hope, for your sake, you either pull your nose out of a book or make a move, and quickly." Rattail advised, paying no mind to Amidantu.
"Don't worry, Swift." said Grippli, his wide, wicked smile emerging. "It will all come together soon."

-----------

Three guesses as to who the main villain is.

[quote][quote]Nice story[/quote]\r\n\r\nOuch, that's gotta sting.[/quote] If you ask me, comments like that have no point. Because, you know, he didn't end his sentence with a period. Thanks for the compliment anyway, Yellowsubmarine.\r\n\r\n[quote]WTF humor is always fun.[/quote] I assume you're referring to Zahz's cameo appearance. He was almost a regular member of the cast, but...\r\n\r\n[quote]It's hard to resist a poke at the rules.[/quote] Pretty much, yeah. Still, I try to resist, because, to be frank, making rules jokes about 3.5 D&D is like boxing Stevie Wonder.\r\n\r\n[quote]And Zorthar appears, or acts, less sharp than he is.[/quote] Dang. You're on to me.\r\n\r\nAnyway, now it's time to meet some of our supporting cast. In case you're one of my players, DON'T READ THINGS MARKED INTERLUDE! If you aren't, go ahead and learn a thing or two about kobolds and the villains.\r\n\r\n[b]\r\nThree and a Half Elves:[/b] [i]Interlude One: A Tail of Two Branches[/i]\r\n\r\n      A kobold with dark brown fur and yellow eyes paused near the door. He was deciding whether or not he should bring his bow to the hearing. He soon decided to leave the bow, but keep his sword. With that, Rattail entered the freezing auditorium. He found nine kobolds standing before him, eight of which were dressed in red, one of which wore white.\r\n"High Priest?" Rattail exclaimed in surprise. "I was expecting to speak with the Circle of Magi."\r\n"The Circle is otherwise occupied." said a red robe wearer with a note of disdain. He had short, white fur, small horns, yellow eyes and a wide mouth of sharp teeth.\r\n"The clergy will hear what you have to say, Captain Rattail." announced the one in the white robe.\r\n"Just a status report." said Rattail. "Humans intruded again." The tribunal remained silent. Rattail blinked expectantly before continuing.\r\n"So three humans intruded." he picked up awkwardly. "We, uh, chased them away, but we lost Sez and Howlin' Wolf. We also lost a barrel of grease, but..." he trailed off, as though to let the news of death sink in.\r\n"Were the humans killed?" asked the High Priest sharply.\r\n"No." answered Rattail. "We let them go." The High Priest paused.\r\n"Apostles, you are dismissed." he finally said with a wave of his hand. The red robe wearing apostles got up to leave hesitantly, with one exception: The kobold who had announced the Circle's busyness stood up quickly, as though he couldn't wait to leave.\r\n"Apostle Grippli, Apostle Amidantu, remain." the High Priest commanded. A sparse haired, bronze skinned kobold dropped out of the group of those leaving. The smiling kobold ceased his escape and adopted a scowl.\r\n"But High Priest, the Circle-" started the vexed kobold.\r\n"The Circle can wait, Grippli: They do not need every Sorcerer for a meeting." said he High Priest calmly. He waited for the other Apostles to depart before continuing: "Rattail, why did you allow the humans to live?"\r\n"I saw no reason to kill them. The penalty for trespassing is not death." Rattail explained. The High Priest sat in silence.\r\n"Grippli?" he finally asked.\r\n"You should have slain them yourself, Captain." said Grippli without hesitation.\r\n"Why?" asked Rattail defensively.\r\n"Is the penalty for murder not death?" Grippli sneared.\r\n"Apostle Grip- er, Sorcerer Sage, this was not murder, this was battle. They killed in hot blood and in self defense." Rattal argued.\r\n"Sez was a friend of mine." Amidantu cut it. "Are you saying that humans should not be killed in battle and kobolds should?" Grippli narrowed his eyes and glared at Amidantu.\r\n"I'm saying I would prefer to avoid killing unnecessarily!" Rattail exclaimed.\r\nAmidantu opened his mouth to speak, but the High Priest cut him off: "Grippli, Amidantu, the two of you have just volunteered for support duty. Mr. Sage, please alter your schedule with the Circle accordingly. Mr. Queyim, report to Captain Rattail tomorrow. Rattail, write your official report and send it to the Circle, for what it's worth. These incidents are starting to become all too common. You three are dismissed." The three bowed hastily, saying "Serpent's Blessings" to the High Priest in unison.\r\n"May she watch over you." responded the High Priest politely. "Now get out of my office." The three kobolds turned and left through the door Rattail had used to enter.\r\n"That was short." remarked Rattail once the High Priest was out of ear shot.\r\n"I should not have been so audacious." Grippli said frustratedly.\r\n"Your boldness will vex you until your death, Sorcerer." said Amidantu, grinning.\r\n"You both fouled up pretty bad." said Rattail. "Ami, when you become High Priest, you will need to learn to trust Tiamat, not your feelings. Grippli-" he paused.\r\n"I should sleep more." Grippli concluded grumpily. Rattail took a prolonged look at Amidantu before continuing.\r\n"Your duel position becomes less advantageous by the moment. I hope, for your sake, you either pull your nose out of a book or make a move, and quickly." Rattail advised, paying no mind to Amidantu.\r\n"Don't worry, Swift." said Grippli, his wide, wicked smile emerging. "It will all come together soon."\r\n\r\n-----------\r\n\r\nThree guesses as to who the main villain is.

offline

Gantic

11,891 posts

King

Posted February 16, '10 7:25am UTC

If you ask me, comments like that have no point. Because, you know, he didn't end his sentence with a period.

Did not see that coming. Seriously.

Three guesses as to who the main villain is.

High Priest
Grippli
Amidantu

Clearly, I would have otherwise guessed Zorthar, Miu, and Erinakka, in that order, if given the chance, but the wording wasn't vague enough. Loopholes are half the fun. Semantics is even funner.

On a related note, I'm not sure which kinds of kobolds would be a lesser evil. The stupid ones or the ones smart enough to make stupid decisions.

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