**I'll only post more chapters if I get good feed back and as I complete them (handwriten)**
The captial of Cardolin was nothing special. It reeked of sewage, filth, and the stink of human bodies packed to closely. Buildings were archaic, jumbled and huddled close together, like old men trying to keep warm on a winter's eve. The streets were ruled by gangs of children, urchins everyone of them. Yet even they answered to some form of order. Harthane, capital of Cardolin, City of Filth. No sane man moved his family here. No sane wie raised her children her. Hathane was the city of the dead and dellusioned. The only reedeming factor was it's wealth. But the wealth it brought in was controled tightly by The Guild. Only Shadows walked in The Guild. Only they became legends.
Handwritten? COOL. I lost that talent a looooooooong time ago. I can't actually WRITE a story. takes too long and by the time my first sentence is down, I have already moved onto another story XD You lucky dog.
Rat woke to see the cutting edge of six inches of steel a haribredth from his face. His pulse quickened, heart racing, he moved cautiously away from the dagger. when he was a good foot away he noticed the dagger had pinned a piece of parchment to the ground. He briefly wondered if it was for him, but regardless a dagger would prove useful...if he managed to keep it. Rat's life was defined by others. He could have been ten or eleven, he didn't know, no one cared to tell him. He was a slave born orphan and the streets ruled him, namely hunger, and Jared. Jared was fond of calling Rat his "et", that was, when Jared was in the mood for what he called "Rat's duties".
Yeah, explainations will come, handwriting takes time, especially when I'm putting a lot of thought into this. Also I have some pretty big implications in there.
Right so this took forever and everyone has probably lost interest but I have finally found time to write a little more!
Rat shook his head. It didn't do to think of the things that needed to be done in order to survive. He once overheard a guard muttering to himself, "Men will damn themselves for a scrap of bread." Rat didn't fully understand what the guard had meant, damnation was so common in the Drawers that it held no sway over those who lived there, should the pathetic existence of bleakest survival be considered living. But now...merely a foot away was a dagger and a scrap of parchment. His thoughts returned to it once more Is it for me?. His heart said yes, why else would it be so close to him, but logic said no. Rat couldn't read, so wy would someone give him a note. He figured it must be a note, people didn't leave parchment lying around, not in the Drawers at least, not with a dagger sticking out of it. Cautiously Rat moved forward, his toes sticking in the sickly mud in which he slept, he pick up the dagger, wiped the blade on his already filthy and torn shirt, and held it gingerly in his right hand; next was the piece of parchment. He picked it up, thankfully it was barely muddied, a quick glace lightened his heart. It was a map.
Although not quite the quality of the prologue it's still very captivating. The way that you're slowly creating a new world is the main reason I want to keep reading although I hope the story will become more compelling as it it told. Still a great piece though.
Interesting, and well written. I love the way you use the metaphors, however be cautious not to over use them. You did an excellent job describing the city and it's squalor, yet you continued with even more metaphors. The reader usually has a vivid picture fairly quickly so you want to be cautious not to overdo it there. Other that that small detail it's fantastically written, take your time and keep it up.
Arbitrus Mink gazed over Harthane from the highest vatage in the Tower of The Jackel. "Will he come?" his voice was the rasp of a man of sixty though he was only half that, too much Black Weed. He turned from the window to look at Kellus who was no more than a pace behind him. "He'll come." he said, looking over Mink's shoulder and out the window, "He'll come if he doesn't run into any trouble." "What kind of trouble?" Kellus brushed past Mink and looked out into the heart of the city. From this high up it could be pretty, he thought, Except for the scars we've made. He bowed his head, "Hell Arbitrus, you know what the Drawers are like. Not to mention the Mud, the Grinders, getting here past all the guards will be f*ckin' impossible in its own right." "I didn't ask if he would make it Kellus. I asked if he would come." "He'll come." Nodding his head Arbitrus Mink left Kellus to gaze upon Harthane. The City of Beggars. The city that would make or break Theorn Drake.
Pretty good but there are some interesting bits which you could of put more detail into. Also the continuation seems off to me and no character introduction or what they are thinking? The city you built is interesting but they characters seem like bricks to me.
