The stench of blood filled the air, dead bodies as far as the eye could see... This is what everyone feared, this is what everyone thought... What everyone thought would never happen, but it did... The Zombie Apocalypse.
It all started at a research lab that was located in New York, USA. The lab was placed in the middle of nowhere, well isolated from any major cities. You know what they were doing there? Defying the laws of nature, defying god... They were... Bringing back the dead.
Tubes filled with green viscous fluid were lined, all neat and tidy in a room in the facility... Each tube contained a dead body, this was the first part of the process. Slowly, the vital organs and other parts of the dead body would regenerate. Once they were complete, they would be released from the tubes and injected with a chemical called, Z-Chem. After being injected with the Z-Chem, after a couple of days the dead would regain they're senses... They were... living. But not for long, soon after, the revived would go berserk, destroying everything they could see, they're skin began to turn green, they're voices were replaced with mindless groaning, the urge to socialize with others... turned into a lust for blood.
The researches in the facility tried to contain them, for a few moments... There was peace, silence, but soon... This silence was broken, the raging people, or what they thought were people, broke through the metal doors. They began to bite and infect every single living being in the facility, soon... Everyone in the facility was no longer living, nor were they dead. They were now, undead, better known as zombies.
The zombies managed to get out of the facility, and began to make they're way to the city of New York. These monsters craved for flesh and blood, they would not stop until the whole world would be infected.
The zombies reached and entered the city of New York... the citizens panicked, the local police officers drew they're weapons and attempted to fight back the ever increasing horde of undead. But they're valiant efforts were nothing, all they had done was increase the number and forces of the undead.
The zombies were very resilient to being damaged, even after being torn apart, limb from limb. The various severed parts would continue to move and destroy any life in they're path, the only way to kill a zombie... Would be to destroy the brain.
Not too long after New York was completely infected, the President of the United States called for the military and ordered them to dispatch the undead. Soon, humvees and jeeps were driving, mounted guns shooting, shells lay on the cold pavement, helicopters searching for survivors, the smell of gunpowder and blood polluted the air.
Everybody thought the world would be doomed, but no... There were a handful of survivors, maybe 100,000, they were all naturally immune to the virus. The immune scientists and researchers went to work on a possible cure, while the remaining immune survivors... Fought for they're lives in an effort to get to where this certain facility was.
I am one of those survivors, and as well as my friend. Sit down, and listen to our story.
END OF CHAPTER
So this is the start of my new zombie apocalypse story, hope you guys like it! Also, if anybody would like to cameo in the story as a character, contact me on my profile.
Wow, that was pretty epic... The storyline is kinda overused but the way you've written it manages to draw the attention of the reader (me) regardless. Suggestion, instead of calling them 'zombies' you could call them by a name that represents their nature, or call them Z-Chems or something, because 'zombies' sounds boring. Just a bit of nit-picking here; you put 'they're' when it's supposed to be 'their' and you tend to overuse commas and elipses.
Other than that, I really like the story, keep it up!
people never get tired of zombie stories.. no matter how cliche. Every writer seems to get randomn spurts of a storyline.. then work it up from there. The most common of seen is a plague zombie story. I hope he continues this, and derives it from the overused storyline.
Uh...I read the story. The grammar and spelling bugged me throughout...otherwise it's great. Here. They're: They are. Their: Possessive. Grammar's my pet peeve.
Well, let me be honest, I didn't like this at all. Besides it being cliche to the point of corny the grammar and spelling were off in places. Also, the way you narrate the story detaches the reader from the story, honestly I felt as if I wasn't glued into the story at all. Also stop going for the over dramatic narration, it's annoying and really dumbs everything down in the end. Leave things to the immagination. Please also avoid line such as: "defying god". You are making huge assumptions with these types of lines, assumptions of your audience which can turn the audience against the story, and you as a writer. The plot we won't touch yet because we haven't even started the story, but trust me I'll continue reading and critiquing.
I completely disagree with you there wolf. Yes it's cliche and the grammar was off, but the way the story was narrated clearly doesn't detach the reader from the story. Also I think he was supposed to write the beginning, or prologue, in such detail so as to 'leave nothing to the imagination' because the reader needs all the necessary background information before diving straight into the story. On the subject of God; he has every right to use terms like 'defying God' in his writing because, I assume, the character who's perspective he is writing from believes in a God. I don't believe in God one single iota but that hasn't turned me away from the story..
Damn Wolf, that's harsh. And about the God thing....Oblivior, that's actually one of my favorite parts about reading. Seeing things from the character's perspective as opposed to my own, it really fleshes them out. Or at least, it does in my opinion. The direction I think this story is taking is like a journal, which will be interesting. And sure, it's a little cliche...but give him a chance. Maybe he'll turn things around in the next chapter. Keep on writing Ob!
**** Wolf, that's harsh. And about the God thing....Oblivior, that's actually one of my favorite parts about reading. Seeing things from the character's perspective as opposed to my own, it really fleshes them out. Or at least, it does in my opinion. The direction I think this story is taking is like a journal, which will be interesting. And sure, it's a little cliche...but give him a chance. Maybe he'll turn things around in the next chapter. Keep on writing Ob!
A writer does not improve by everyone saying "Oh it's good. Good job." A writer improves by learning from their mistakes. So, forgive me for trying to help. I don't sugar coat things and I don't lie, I tell people my opinion and they have to take it how they will. If you don't like that too bad.
A man is sitting on his couch, watching TV. This man, is named Percival. He repeatedly flicks through the channels, looking for a good show to watch, one channel though, catches his attention...
A reporter speaking in an obviously scared and terrified voice is speaking, "Must be another one of those hostage takings or terrorists..." Percival thought to himself.
"T-this is Mark Stean reporting to y-you live from N-new York." said the reporter in a horrified and stuttering voice, to some people, this might seem like a serious matter, but to Percival , this was his idea of entertainment, he fell off the couch laughing at the reporter and started pounding on the floor out of excitement, little did he know, this happy moment would not last long.
"Z-zombies have arrived at the city a-and as we speak, are c-currently killing everybody in-sight, t-the military advises everyone to find a weapon and t-t-, O-OH GOD, NO! S-SOMEBODY HELP ME, IT'S GOT ME. HELP, N-NO!"
And from there, the cable was cut off and the channel turned into a gray, blurry screen. "No... this, this can't be real... This has got to be a joke." he thought to himself, that is, until one of the reported monsters jumped through one of his windows and assaulted him!
"W-what the fuck!" Percival shouted, as the zombie started running towards him and made a lunge for him, he rolled to the right and got up on his feet, he looked at his opponent. A green-looking man, otherwise known as a zombie. Flesh wounds covered the zombie's body, blood pouring from it's mouth, it was wearing tattered rags, and you could see bullet holes it's in arms and chest. Anger and rage lit up the zombie's eyes as it ran towards Percival and grabbed him, the zombie was strong, strong enough to lift him into the air... Percival flailed around until he got an idea, he drew back his left leg and kicked the zombie in the face with all his might, the sudden kick made the zombie drop it's panicking victim. Percival reeled back in surprise and saw that he had broken the zombie's jaw, but the zombie had not given up yet! He knew that he couldn't fight the zombie with his bare hands and legs, so he headed upstairs and into his father's old bedroom, he could see the zombie closely following him, and with the intent of killing him and turning him into one of them. He slammed the door into the face of the incoming zombie and locked the door, he crouched next to his father's bed and took out a dusty old wooden box...
He opened the box, and suddenly, hope filled his eyes. The box contained a Beretta Tomcat and a box of ammo. His father always was one to be prepared. He took the gun out of the box and took the ammo as well, he loaded the gun with bullets and prepared to fight back the zombie, loud banging and groaning could be heard from the other side of the door. Percival held his gun tightly in his hands as the raging zombie broke down the door. The zombie quickly scanned the room and saw it's prey in the right corner of the room, Percival pointed the gun at the zombie's forehead and pulled the trigger, the bullet shot through the air and flew into the zombie's head, mere seconds later... The zombie's head exploded and pieces of brain matter had scattered everywhere.
He stepped outside and looked at the red, apocalyptic clouds. He knew that he had one this battle, but he also knew... That this was just the beginning, of a war..
A writer does not improve by everyone saying "Oh it's good. Good job." A writer improves by learning from their mistakes. So, forgive me for trying to help. I don't sugar coat things and I don't lie, I tell people my opinion and they have to take it how they will. If you don't like that too bad.
Why do you have to act so goddamn hostile? I wasn't saying you should stop, I'm just saying that's harsh and I don't agree with what you said, not that you shouldn't critique. Christ. And Oblivior...I am going to have to say that I liked that chapter exponentially less than the other one. The narrative seemed choppy, you used the wrong "one"(remember won = win, one = 1), but really what it was about this story was the commas. You either used way too many commas or you used them to continue a sentence that should have ended. I mean...look at this.
"T-this is Mark Stean reporting to y-you live from N-new York." said the reporter in a horrified and stuttering voice, to some people, this might seem like a serious matter, but to Percival , this was his idea of entertainment, he fell off the couch laughing at the reporter and started pounding on the floor out of excitement, little did he know, this happy moment would not last long.
I mean, that whole paragraph is one sentence. You need to go to Commas Anonymous. And when Percival gets attacked by the zombie...the entry could have been so much better. I mean, it seemed almost comical in a story that's supposed to be serious. At least, that's how it came over to me.
"No... this, this can't be real... This has got to be a joke." he thought to himself, that is, until one of the reported monsters jumped through one of his windows and assaulted him!
I mean...doesn't that seem kind of cheesy to you? In addition, Percy's thinking too much. You should cut down on that, like instead of "No. This can't be real. This must be a joke," just cut down and have him say "No...this can't be real..." or "No...it must be a joke..." It just...it just doesn't go well. You should focus less on the "ACTION!" and more on descriptions. Let me try to improve it there. "No...this can't be real..." Percy thought to himself, shocked. He took a few steps backward and had to sit down on the couch for a while. Suddenly, he heard the sound of shattering glass, and leaped to his feet, his eyes darting around the room. Then, he heard the slow thumping of heavy footsteps. Dreading what he knew he would see, Percy slowly turned around. A zombie was slowly lumbering towards him, bloodlust in its eyes. I mean...how difficult is that, really? Doesn't that seem better? Keep it up, but remember PERIODS ARE OUR FRIENDS! =D
One major, major flaw in your writing; the first chapter is in first person, the second chapter is in third person. One of them needs to be re-written..
Hyper, when you're giving someone CC you shouldn't re-write it for them. You can change the sentence structure or correct grammar or whatever else, but don't add to their story.
