an gangleader and his lawyer are at the accountant, where are the 5 mile you scammed from me, said the gangleader. the accountant said nothing. WHERE ARE THOSE 5MILIONS, screamed the gangleader. sir the man is deaf so shall i say it in deaf language? so the lawyer said it in deaf language. the deaf accountant said back in deaf languange he knew nothing about money. sir, the accountant knows nothing about money he said. the gangleader grabbed his revolver and placed it on the head of the accountant. ask him where the money is again! the lawyer asked the same quesion again in deaf language. Ok.Ok. the deaf accountant said and he explained that is was behind a toolbox in his backyard. what did he said, asked the gangleader. the lawyer said: he is saying you dont dare too pull the triger
(for the people that doesnt get it, the lawyer wants the 5milion) (p.s. would do the same thing :P)
Once there was a blonde who wanted to prove to people that she wasn't just a dumb blonde. So she asked her friend "how could I show people I'm not just a dumb blonde?" Her friend says, "First learn all the provinces and their capitals." So that week the blonde learned them. The next week she was at a party and a man asked a question. The blonde says, "I know the anwser!" Then the man said " What would you know? You're just a dumb blonde?" Then the blonde says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals." Then the man said, " Okay, Saskatchewan." The blonde started to grin. "What are you grinning about?" said the man. The blonde said, "Easy. S."
I no A TON of jokes but I barely remeber any of them so in the mean time here's 2:
1. One day God told everybody on Earth not to step on monkeys or something bad would happen to them. These 3 guys decide to meet at a restaurant for lunch the next day. The first two guys get there....but the third guy's late. Eventually the third guys show up with a VERY ugly girl with him. His friends ask him, "WOAH DUDE! What happened to u?" The man replied, "I stepped on a monkey." they decide to meet at the same place for lunch the next day...but this time the second guy is late. Eventually he shows up with a VERY VERY ugly girl with him. "WOAH DUDE! What happened to you?", his friends asked. The man replied,"I stepped on a monkey." they meet at the same place for lunch the next day...only this time the 1st guy is late. eventually the guy shows up with a beautiful girl with him. His friend are like, "DUDE! WHAT HAPPENED TO U?!" The girl replies, "I stepped on a monkey."
2. A man was talking to his friend: "Well my third wife died recently."
"Third?, what happened to the first?"
"She died because she ate poisoness mushrooms."
"THAT'S HORRIBLE! What happened to the second one?"
1. There were three men in the desert: a priest, a scientist, and an engineer. They get captured by natives and are told that they will be put in a guillutine. They have the option of looking up or down when they die.
The priest said," I'll look up so I can see the face of God as I die." He was put in the guillutine but when they let the blade down, it stopped just before it hit the priest. "IT'S A MIRACLE!" said the natives, "you're free to go!"
Next it was the scientists turn. "well I've never believed in God so I'll look down." he said. When they let the blade down it stopped just before it hit the scientist. "IT'S A MIRACLE!" said the natives, "you're free to go!"
Finally it was the engineer's turn. I think I'll look up so I can see the engineering of this guillutine." he said. They let the blade down and it stopped right before it hit the engineer and the engineer said: "oh look! there's a knot in the rope!"
2. What did the kamikazi pilot tell his students?
"ay close attention because I'm only going to do this once."
A Catholic priest,a jewish rabbai, adn a Lutheran pastor are discussing baptism of animals and if it's possible. To decide they send the priest into the wilderness first he comes back with a broken arm adn tells them he started preaching to a bear it attacked him so he baptized it and it stopped attackign him and was his friend. So next they send the pastor out he comes back wiht a broken rib adn he says he started preaching to a bear it attacked him so he baptized it just like the priest it sat down adn became his friend. So the rabbai goes out he comes back in a full body cast and when they ask what happened he replys well i shouldn't have started with circumcision.
There are a few men telling eachother jokes. They start repeating the same jokes OVER and OVER again that they start calling them each by a number. One says: "Oh, remember joke 7???!!!" And they all burst out laughing. Then another says: "But that reminds me of joke 15" And they all giggle. "But what about joke 9?? HOHOHOHO" Once again, they all laugh except for one person who laughs so hard he starts crying and rolling around on the floor. When he recovers, he apoligizes and says:
ok its a gangster whos riding a car. then he sees a woman and parks next to her and rolls down the window. as she pulls her head inside, he closes the window, so she cant get out. so he gets out and bangs her from behind. "we gangsters have our methods" he proudly says and get back into his car. "yes so do we gay people" the woman smiles.
