I got bored so I decided to tell everyone how I got my username. This is a TRUE story this ACTUALLY happened. So sit back in you're chair and start reading.
Chapter 1. John is a typical guy in New York City. He is constantly bothered by people who want to tell him about Jesus Christ. One day John heard footsteps coming to his door. The footsteps stopped and along came a squeaky voice. This voice said "Hello sir can I tell you about Jesus Chri-" John washed out this guy's voice with "SHUT UP! I already know about Jesus! So give the church invitation and leave!" The squeaky voice retorted "Fine then! Don't take part in this opportunity!" The footsteps stormed off and John looked back at the door cannons catalog. "An air cannon? This sounds useful." John reached for the phone and dialed the number.
That's all for now. I'm thinking about the rest of the chapter.
"Hey Vegeta. What does the scouter say about his power leverl?" God scowled "Come on Satan. Do we have to watch Dragon Ball Z?." Satan shushed them both just in time for the reply. "STOP ASKING ME THAT! Honestly you ask me that every day. Hey Vegeta what does the scouter say about his power level? And I have to say in a stupid voice. IT'S OVER 9000! Blah! I'm sick of answering the questions, find you're own scouter, and take a bath!" There was a long pause. "So is it over 9000?" There was a grumbling from the TV then "No it's overrated." Satan was at the edge of his seat. "Is that a number?" Then the screen faded black. God then said to John "You see it's a long story. Oh and the bank is about to take you're house. You can take my car. Heck keep it." John scurried away to his new car. When he was driving God popped into the passenger seat. John was getting angrier at the second. "Why did you let the bank do this? I don't understand! Man was created in you're image right? And you're so good also. Then why do you allow evil into the world?!?!?!?!" There was a long silence. God sighed and retorted "You're not supposed to know this until later but fine. You see-"
*Aww this sucks. Right at the moment God was talking a train came by and blocked off the sound. Oh well. Hey the trains gone!*
"It's kind of like a roulette spinner you know." John gulped. "Wow. I never thought of it that way. Well come on. Let's go save my house."
When God and John got to the bank god began to speak. "John I'm sorry but I can't help you with this one. You know...I don't want anyone to blurt out that I'm the creator." God faded out and John went to the teller. "Hello sir for future deposits or withdrawals you are welcome to use the ATM machine." John replied, "Did you know that ATM means automated teller machine. So when you say ATM machine you're either being idiotically redundant or you really want to empathize the word machine." The teller dropped her mouth wide open. "Sorry. I'm here to ask why you want to seize my house. I have money to pay the bills I missed." John handed the teller the money in exchange for the deed to his house. God popped up and questioned, "Good but did you really have to say the teller was redundant?" John stopped. Just then a man in a Hello Kitty ski mask came in. He pulled out a gun. Everyone began to snicker. The robber yelled, "SHUT UP! I HAD TO USE MY DAUGHTERS MASK!! NOW GET ON THE FLOOR AND HAND ME YOU'RE MONEY!" Everyone but John and God got down. The robber pointed the gun at John. John began to speak. "Sir I know times are hard but you don't need to do this. Here take a hundred dollars in exchange for the gun." John gave the man a hundred bucks and took the gun. The man ran off. John said to God, "Hey I showed you something good about the world. I saved the world. Be seeing you God." God pulled on Johns collar to say, "Whoa their. You still got to show me the other good things about the world."
"But I don't wanna help the world." "But you have to help the world." "But I don't wanna." "But you have to." "But I don't wanna." "You know what John? How about you go with Satan to Mexico. It will be a treat." John paused. "Nah." he said smartly. When John went into his house he flipped on his laptop. "Cold." he said to himself. When John opened his closet he heard a demonic voice scowl, just under it's breath so only he can hear, "John...I have come to kill you..." John sighed and said, "Can you hand me my flight jacket?" A hand stretched out. John took his jacket and sat down. Satan got out of the closet and popped into the couch. "Wanna go to Mexico?" he said. John retorted, "Sure. I'd like to see you get an air-" Satan snapped his fingers and boom they were in Mexico wearing tourist's outfits. "-plane." John finished. Satan turned around and cheered, "Ahh the firecracker shop. Just where I wanted to end up. Come on John." John walked dumbly inside. "Thirty-Seven sticks of dynamite senior." John heard Satan say. Satan grabbed the dynamite and handed it to John. "How about you blow up that baker statue there. It's a Mexican monument." John shrugged and placed the dynamite in the baker's mouth. "I'll be at the condo. Don't blow you're arm off John." John lit up the dynamite and ducked behind a trash can. He waited for an hour. "I think they're duds. Least I didn't have to pay for them." John got out his wallet and found two-hundred dollars missing. He sighed and walked to the condo. When he got inside he heard sirens from outside. "Great Satan. what else have you gotten me into to." Satan shrugged. "I dunno."
