Your ideas are good. And thats great, because no matter how good your writing skills are, if the idea stinks, than no body will like them.
Overall, there fairly good. I haven't seen enough to know your style, but I'm gonna assume that your gonna be writing traditionally, with meter and such. So, correct me if I'm wrong.
On your first poem, its good in some parts, and not so good in others. Reading it outloud, its obvious that the meter is off. Some lines are long, and than the next is short, and theres no pattern to it. The main offender is:
I'll give you time to sort this out
Even though it's all my doing
I am a mess
Yes I do know
The lines just get shorter and shorter. And than the last line is just akward to say. What pains it even more is that the next stanza is actually quite nice:
Into the darkness
I slip away
I will see you
On another day
This one just rolls right off the tounge. Thats good, by the way. Its written really well. It really stinks, because it seems that this is what you're capable of, and some other stanzas bring you down.
Your next poem is about average. I don't really like how all the lines begin with the same two words, though its offset a little by the last line. And the rhyming isn't that bad, though the affect is ruined by "I have lived a greatful life", which doesn't rhyme with anything...
Overall, there not that bad. You're not any worse than I was when I started. All you need is practice, and you can practice by writing more. Though for now, I would stick with poems that don't rhyme, and that describe. Its easier to work on meter, without having to work on rhyme as well.
Of course, I'm sure some one will tell you that meter doesn't matter. Its all about how your style is, and what interest you. So I could be dead wrong, and you should just ignore everything I've said.
Best of luck to you, and I would like to see more.
