I am going to post the poems ant etc I make here. A critique and feedback would be appreciated! The first one: It It lurks in the shadows; Hides from the light. So evil it turns meadows Into nothing more than a horrible sight!
Dark and grim, Gruesome and deadly It is horrid and turns everything dim!
Children please, promise me, That thee do not go Outside alone! It will shred you to pieces, Eat your insides, Drink your blood, And feast on thy!
As It is dark and grim, Gruesome and deadly, Turns everything depressing and dim.
You have reached a crossroads, Have a choice to make, What will it be?
Choose wrong and the Last thing we may hear from you Is a blood curdling shriek that pierces the night!
So promise me children that thee Do not go outside alone. For It is lurking, and waiting for YOU!
Wow, this one "Winter's Embrace"... It's a master piece, Supalegit. I really like how you contrast winter's cold with summer's heat, winter's activities with summer's lack of activities. Etc etc. I'm no poet, so, bear in mind, that I won't have much criticism for you. I'll only criticize if its really bad, which I doubt I'll have to deal with. I'm pretty open minded that way.
Hm... Experiment time! I'm going to try a Cinquain, I don't know how this is going to look...
Line 1- states the Idea (one word) Line 2- adjectives (two words) Line 3- actions (verbs) (three words) Line 4- feelings (four words) Line 5- Restatement of the idea; sums it up (one word)
--------------------- [ b]Oceans[/b]
Oceans Majestic, calm Rolling, waving, engulfing Superior and mighty force. Power
and one on rain
Rain
Rain Mighty force Soaking, clensing, blossoming Be nothing without rain. Creator
Hm, I won't be adding poems as much as I have been, for I've started a story. The link is here if you want to check it out. It will hopefully be a great, interesting story that you guys will love. It is going to switch between perspectives: a wolf's perspective, and then the perspective of Moon and me.
I will still be adding poems here, just not as numerous as before.
---------------- Fix'd title:
Oceans
Oceans Majestic, calm Rolling, waving, engulfing Superior and mighty force. Power
------------- And to keep you guys satisfied:
War
Such a horrid thing: Killing for some reason That is plain absurd!
Gun shots echoing Forever in the minds Of the poor victims; Our ill-fated saviors.
They do our dirty work; Kill the enemy so that We may continue to prosper.
It wouldn't be so bad If we had good reasoning. But no, go in a blood frenzy Over some stupid piece of land!
I'd like to force you Into the front lines; See how you like it!
See if you can handle Watching others die. See if you can handle...
Wet socks, dirty clothes. But it doesn't end there! Oh no, it doesn't end there.
Bullets piercing both you And you poor comrades flesh. Bombs going off here and there Knocking down buildings, knocking Down your sanity,one piece a time.
Blood lust in the eyes of the nation, Tears in the eyes of our poor heroes.
Can't we just get along And break this cycle Of horrid pain and death?
I guess not! Why you ask? Because of you And your insanity.
I'd like to force you Into the front lines; See how you like it!
Blood lust in the eyes of the nation, Tears in the eyes of our poor heroes.
Two quick poems for the FLP, but I still gave them a deep meaning.Hpe you guys enjoy! I'm ope toany and all feedback, I want your thoughts on my work!
---------------------- Hold on to Hope
I hope. For it is all I can do. They can strip My dignity, They can strip My life. But the can not Strip my hope.
------------------
Karma: The Last Laugh
Levels of clouds. I soar above them, Laugh at their faces. They looked down upon My distasteful life. But now look who Has the last laugh! I'm level with the clouds, Their level with Hell!
*Two quick poems for the FLP, but I still gave them a deep meaning. Hope you guys enjoy! I'm open to any and all feedback, I want your thoughts on my work!
My 10 day contest entry. The night part is a bit off... Yes, I did rhyme something for once! I was at a lack of mind and words to rhyme on the night part soo yeah, a little more on the confusing and forced side... Curse being tired!
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My Private Shore
My private shore: Lay secret by the horizon. A place to always adore, A bliss never to wizen!
My private island, A paradise in it's own; A blessed highland High above humanity's bemoan.
My private life, Away from pain. There is no strife; Devil's attempt in vain.
My private ocean Right in my backyard. Protects my notion; The Ocean, my vanguard!
My private breeze, Soothing on my flesh. Banishing humanity's sleaze, Leaving my life afresh.
My private days, The joy they bring. Excitement they raise, Keeping my mind keen.
My private nights, The dark swallowing. Cool, crisp air invites You to my divine wallowing!
My private heaven; My death to be refined. A place to leaven My tired mind.
------------------------ I'd love feedback on my works... With 2400+ views, I know my poems are being read a a constant rate... Any of those lurkers want to critique me and help me out? Please?
