Posted this first to my deviantART gallery, so you deviants feel free to check it out. But I figured it'd fit up in here.
I was with my man Ewan, with his old PS2, 'n
GTA Sandy was the game we were doin'.
Fingers twitchin' on a mission that was a big joke
With this foolio busta named OG Loc.
He spoke with a high whine, ain't got no spine,
Kinda guy ya wanna bodyslam on a land mine
Jaywalkin', illegal parkin's his idea of crime
But the real offense comes when he busts a rhyme!
Got no flow, got no beat, makes my eardrums retreat,
He'd get curbstomped walkin' on Sesame Street.
Me and Ewan stared a while, and I just said, "Dag.
"He couldn't rap his way out a soggy paper bag!"
Soggy paper bag! Soggy paper bag!
Foo' can't rap his way out a soggy paper bag!
Soggy paper bag! Soggy paper bag!
Somebody stuff his grill with a soggy paper bag!
There's a knock on the door. Well, who could it be?
Ewan got it, got scared, said it was for me.
Two huge gangsta thugs came 'n grabbed me by the collar
And dragged me out to the street before I could holla.
They took me to their van, threw me in the back,
And then two more thugs stuffed me in a giant paper sack,
Slammed the door, cranked the engine, said, "'Kay, we outta here,
"Hey, give this foo' a drank!" And they soaked me with beer.
Drove around for hours, then said, "Get out, scrub,"
And they dragged me into what sounded like a club.
Said, "A'ight, ya gotta mike, we gotta .44 Mag,
"Now let's see YOU rap out a soggy paper bag!"
Soggy paper bag! Soggy paper bag!
I gotta rap my way out a soggy paper bag!
Soggy paper bag! Soggy paper bag!
Else their rounds'll cut through me like a soggy paper bag!
Now the sitch was very scary, I'm a hick from Mayberry
Where gangin' 'n slangin' ain't exactly customary.
I began to feel sick, but I had a quick trick:
I'd memorized every song by Weird Al Yankovic!
Pentiums, Trash Day, Amish, and White and Nerdy,
My flow was like a Porsche doing a hundred 'n thirty.
Breathed a prayer, waved in the air like I just didn't care,
Then wet scraps of recycled were flyin' everywhere!
Crowd was laughin' at me. I blew it off and said good night.
The head thug shrugged, said, "Mnnh, ya did a'ight."
Handed me some new Fubus. I pulled off the tags,
Put 'em on, and stuffed the wet stuff in a soggy paper bag.
Soggy paper bag! Soggy paper bag!
And that's my rap from the soggy paper bag!
Soggy paper bag! Soggy paper bag!
Don't like it? Stick your head in a soggy paper bag!
