Let me know what you think of it. I wrote it pretty quickly so try not to be entirely harsh.
The moon was hidden behind the clouds heavy with rain. Lightning streaked across the sky and thunder rumbled as he crouched in one of the many trees around him near the dirt road. Waiting for the King and his men to come by which should be any minute now. And sure enough here they came, but he heard them before he saw them. First the clopping of horses hooves and then the clanking of armor as men marched by. His heart pounded, his enemy was so close the stakes high. If he scored this kill not only would he become very rich, but he'd also become one of the most famous assassin's in all the world. Rain began to fall now, lightning streaked again revealing the kings carriage. And as the assassin had hoped the man driving had a dark cloak his hood pulled up to shield him from the rain. The assassin crept across the branch until he was crouching directly above the road. Turning his back on the carriage he wrapped his legs around the branch and let himself fall his knife ready. The carriage pulled closer yet and the man driving didn't notice the shadow just above him. The blade showed bright in the lightning as he plunged it deep into the carriage drivers throat. The assassin let his legs relax and he fell into the carriage seat. He flipped the drivers body off the side, it hit the ground with a slight thud but the guards walking just infront didn't hear it over the storm. He took up the reins replacing the driver.
He guided the carriage forward, but voices were yelling ahead. The call to halt came and the assassin smiled as he knew his trap had worked. He pulled on the reins and the carriage halted. The guards ahead of him came back and encircled the carriage. Their backs turned on the only real threat. Deciding to have fun with his all to easy part. The assassin jumped down and walked up to one of the guards. "What is the meaning of this halt? My Lord has to reach Sheredsborg by the day after next." The guard turned his head back ever so slightly not stopping his scan of the dark trees and brush before his eyes. "Relax, we found a wagon ahead and a little off the road. The driver has been slain and the horses cut loose." The assassin carriage driver made a disgusted noise. "Why do we have to stop for that? The man is dead there's no need for us to share his fate." Laughing the guard answered him, "This was most likely the work of bandits, we have a couple of scouts heading out into the woods trying to find them. Until then we sit here and wait." The assassin turned toward the carriage door. "We'll see what my Lord has to say about this interruption then we will see how necessary this stop is." The guard payed no attention to this remark and continued to scan the outlying woods. Leaving the assassin an excuse to speak with the king. He knocked on the carriage door. And the familiar voice of King Garrett responded. "Enter." The Assassin opened the door and climbed in. Garrett sat on the left looking out the window. He turned and saw his driver climbing in. "Ah, Harold come to get out of the rain have you?" Playing his part Harold nodded and without warning lunged at Garrett revealing his blade. The King let out a nearly silent cry as his throat was cut and his pockets searched for any valuables. The Assassin wiped his knife clean and put it back inside his cloak. He then reached into a pocket on the opposite side and pulled out a single red orb. With that in hand he opened the carriage door and began to climb out. Dropping the orb on the rug floor while shutting the door. "Fire, fire!" he yelled as the carriage burst into flames. All the guards turned sprinting for the now well roasting carriage. Orders were given, and the men began trying to put out the fire. Even with the help of the rain it would take awhile. The Assassin seeing his job complete slipped away into the stormy night, becoming invisible as he entered the woods.
So here is the next update, I hope everyone enjoys it feel free to comment, I'd love advice on how to improve it. And before you begin reading I would like to mention that I'm looking for characters to add to Scythe and the Fall of Armor. It's a story I'm going to start on again please leave a message on my profile if you'd like to be in it. Thank you.
The assassin climbed up the three steps into the back of Carlin's shop wagon. Carlin used this as his shop instead of paying for a stall on market days. Today was one of those market days and as the guardsman had promised he sent the old man a letter that contained the exact location of the trial and the exact time. It was to occur around mid day, of this very same day. The assassin planned to ride into Dartmouth concealed within the cart and then make his way to the court house. If he didn't reach the city in time he'd wait until the next day when the hanging would take place.
Carlin climbed up into the cart making sure all of his potions and ingredients were strapped down and then pulling match from a pocket inside his coat he lit a small lamp sitting on a table for the assassin. "Here is the letter the guard sent me while you were sleeping last night. I don't know if it will be of use to you or not." Carlin handed the letter over and shut the doors tight. The assassin listened as he heard the iron padlock click. A few moments later the cart set off, the jolt almost sent him sprawling across the floor. And the ride was not smooth, the assassin felt every bump and every hole. And he knew it was going to be a very uncomfortable journey so he opened the letter and began to read hoping it would help ease the trip.
Dear Mr. Barrek, It as come to my knowledge that your son's trial and sentencing will take place this very day at noon. The trial will be held in the town square, you and I both know what fate your son has been cast. If there were anything I could do to change the circumstances I would.
My condolences, Partridge Kingsley
Somewhere in the back of his head that name rang a bell but the assassin ignored it. Instead he turned his attention to a more disturbing matter, for having read the letter he couldn't help but feel something was wrong. He read it again this time more carefully and still he couldn't put his finger on it. But finaly after three more tries he realized the problem. The court house was no where near town square, having been in the town square many a time he knew that was where the hanging block was held. Why would they hold the trial there? He asked himself not noticing the cart had stopped moving. Unless they were planning to hang him immediatly after the trial. The assassin was about to open a window to get Carlin's attention when the door's were flung open. A rather large man stepped up into the small wagon room and with a huge hand grabbed him by the hair dragging him down the steps, out into the dirt road. The sun was bright and hot, the assassin noticed the big man stood on his left. Suddenly another just as large stepped up from behind on his right and together the two held him in place. He tried to get a look at their faces but they were covered by hoods with intertwining silver streaks around the edge. The assassin knew what was happening, a group of bandits had spotted the wagon and decided to perform a raid upon it. Two more men both wearing the same cloak's as the big ones climbed up into the wagon with empty cloth sacks and began rummaging through the contents. When they returned a few minutes later their purses were full. The assassin couldn't tell how many bandits were there but he could hear a few quiet voices behind him. He estimated around ten as was a common number for bandit raids, but wasn't sure. A few more came within his view all were careful to keep their faces covered with their hoods. These men covered the cart in oil one stood back and observed. When they had finished the one who'd been observing climbed in and grabbed the burning lamp. The hooded figure threw the lamp into the cart and they all disembarked not pausing to see if the fire started. The big men knocked the assassin to the ground and ran off in the opposite direction. He got to his feet in time to see the entire party riding off on horses into the woods. How they had kept them so quiet he hadn't a clue. Once out of view the assassin turned to watch the fire. It was to late to attempt putting it out. Small explosions errupted inside and glass shattered sending pieces flying in all directions. A few embedded in his cheek, but the pain was no bother to him. But it did remind him of Carlin who was no where in sight. It was open field for fifty yards in all directions, if the old man had been lying on the ground he would have seen him. He ran around to the front of the cart and found the old man, an arrow plunged threw his heart. He was still alive but the flames were starting to consume him. The assassin jumped up onto the seat and pulled the man off the cart. The old man was barely moving and the assassin could smell burning flesh. Carlin looked up at him with his big brown eyes, "Please save my son, Carlin with the last of his strength reached into his coat pocket pulling out a small folded note. Do not read this until you've gotten my son out of Darmouth alive and out of danger." He dropped the note into the assassin's hands, with it a silent oath was made. The assassin would not open it until Carlin's son was safe. The old man was shaking heavily and his breathing was weak. "Tell Menion...... that I love him and that I wish for him to take on the farm." The assassin nodded and watched as the last breath of life escaped Carlin's body. His head fell back his body limp skin turned cold. The assassin picked up his body and layed it gently in the blaze that was once Carlin's cart. As he watched the body burn he shed a lone tear and then, looking up toward the sky he swore to avenge the old man's death.
It is a good update, but when you keep calling him 'the assasin' over and over it gets a wee bit annoying. Use 'The killer' or something lol. Don't overuse assasin. And space out your paragraphs too.
It is a good update, but when you keep calling him 'the assasin' over and over it gets a wee bit annoying. Use 'The killer' or something lol. Don't overuse assasin
I'd have given him a name already but it seems rather odd to mention his name now when I could have done it from the beginning.
I'll try to keep them spaced out better from now on.
If only you had said something about his name earlier I would have made Carlin the one who knew it but I can't due to the fact that he's dead.......rest in peace old man.
About the comment on my profile. How far is this story going? cuz:
One: Cuz im going to be in your next story so im ready for that. XD Two:I'm in suspense about the ending of this, or the climax/resolution to get specific.
I don't really have an idea where it is going to end. When I write the updates for this I type them in the reply box at the bottom and it's all off the top of my head. Which means it could go on for quite some time but I am starting to see the ending forming in my mind.
Ok was just wondering. Btw I posted another comment about my character that you made, either way its fine.
PS I'm bout to type my first chapter of my story and I have two different ideas and I was hoping you could tell me what you'd think would be better. One: Continue from the prologue and make Chapter One the extraction? or make the prologue a sneak-peak deal and make a new part?
