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Parsat

2,180 posts

Blacksmith

Posted July 7, '10 8:57pm UTC

Vol. 1, Issue 1

Parsat's note: First line poetry has proven more interesting to read than I thought. It's interesting to see what spontaneous thoughts arise...in choosing poetry for this digest I don't look so intently at form as many of you are accustomed to me doing. Rather, I chose poems I thought displayed a real germ of thought and feeling. Included as always is a little critique; after all, I expect to give away something more substantial than bragging rights.

I mean no disrespect by reposting your poem here; I do it in the same regard in the same way that poems are reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit.

If it seems a few poets are mentioned more than others, consider that it was because they wrote more. If the poem's good, it goes here; I'm not a fan on putting caps on people's participation.

Poems:

Moonfairy

The mournful winter releases life
From its duty for a season,
Some view it as death,
But I view it as with a reason.

An excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion. There's a refreshing open-endedness in that last line that I really enjoy. Rather than insisting on explaining the paradoxical first line, it simply leaves one with the thought and then nothing else.

thisisnotanalt

hoping against a ninja here,
my motives and chances still unclear.
will I survive, and live in calm?
or be crushed by my fate as a ticking time bomb?

hoping against a ninja here,
it's coming down to my worst fear.
grab for the problem, try and try
but when you lose, don't sit and cry.

Fail line selection turned out win poem. Somehow it reminded me of the Ninja Kami point and click game. Good rhyme, and a freestyle flow to boot, something that's hard to do but is unmistakably alt.

pHacon

The tile reflected what I knew
For all I knew, trouble would brew.
Seeing myself, that aged reflection,
I realized what it was to find perfection.

I laughed after reading those last two lines: They flowed quite well for a first line, and it's a good spin on the old "Too smart for your own good".

aknerd

Would we put the weapon down?
And bow before the traitor's Crown?
Or raise our shield and brandish our sword
A new army for the true lord?

If only the choice was ours
And not left to the hateful stars.
For all our pride had long been drown
And so we lay the weapon down.

A polished poem (excepting the grammar error in the second to last line)...I'm still trying to figure out what belief this poem is espousing. Theism? Deism? Atheism? All these elements seem to be mixed until the last two lines.

Moonfairy

But why me?
I have always asked myself
What crime did I commit,
That would make me deserve this?

I was always true
To you
And then you left me out of the blue
Tears ran down my face
My heart was ripped in two

So here I am wondering
What Did I Do Wrong?
Trying to figure out
Why my life
Is a heart break song.

Simply worded, and using a cliche or two, but that last stanza really hits to the heart of anyone who's had their heart broken. That second-to-last short line in particular really builds up to that last line.

pHacon

Fields of Green
Stretching on forever
Like the joy of my heart,
They sing.

Skies of Blue
So high yet so deep
Where do you lead?
To happiness.

I picture Louis Armstrong's grovelly voice belting out "What a Wonderful World" while reading this poem. The ends of each stanza are especially comforting. Is it their length or their directness that make it so?

Avorne

Days passed
Under the sun
Your smooth touch
Upon my skin

Years passed
In the rain
I no longer
Feel your touch

Each line in each stanza is the complete opposite of each other. It only makes it all the more striking.

MoonFairy

Atop a cliff
I wonder
Staring down into the water
What it would feel like,
Those few seconds of free falling

Fear?
Adrenaline?
Terror?
Thrill?

I might just take the jump
To find out.

That finality in those last lines really does convey the feel of the jump...in those words, I think, all four of those emotions appear. Very well writ.

aknerd

As the bird chirps
Millions are massacred
As the wolf howls
Billions are born
As the Whale sings
Multitudes will mourn
As the Eagle shrieks
Legions will laugh

But as a baby cries
None will notice
As Silence falls
All will arise
Humanity is Always
Last to listen
Our voice obscured
Our ears extinguished

In Scandinavian and Old English poetry, the predominant style of poetry was actually alliterative...and this poem certainly has that feel. I've fixed a spelling error or two, but that last stanza is chilling.

pHacon

Starry skies,
The beauty of the cosmos.
How does it feel
To look back in time?

Short poem is short, but short poem is big too.

slayguy8

It was the slow death of a million papercuts
the next one hurt more than the last
the feeling of slowly bleeding out
you didnt picture this to end this way
all because of a million papercuts

A poem about death by a million papercuts...I simply marvel at how grave and how flippant this poem is at the same time. I know that's not a skill I have.

Gantic

Help us escape
Cardboard prisons
We've grown too big
Please help, children

Before I continue, for all you AG poets that have just joined us, Gantic is probably the most versatile poet around these parts. Go consult him for what is good poetry. As for this poem, it reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes when they use corrugated cardboard boxes as tools of imagination...what do we do when we lose it though?

CommanderDude7

I glimpsed a burst of happiness
As my oppenent thought he had victory
I glanced at my cards
And wondered what he had
Whatever it was
Could it beat a full house?

A good twist to pull on a good line. An excellent rendition of putting thoughts into words.

----

Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.

[b]Vol. 1, Issue 1[/b]\r\n\r\nParsat's note: First line poetry has proven more interesting to read than I thought. It's interesting to see what spontaneous thoughts arise...in choosing poetry for this digest I don't look so intently at form as many of you are accustomed to me doing. Rather, I chose poems I thought displayed a real germ of thought and feeling. Included as always is a little critique; after all, I expect to give away something more substantial than bragging rights.\r\n\r\nI mean no disrespect by reposting your poem here; I do it in the same regard in the same way that poems are reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit.\r\n\r\nIf it seems a few poets are mentioned more than others, consider that it was because they wrote more. If the poem's good, it goes here; I'm not a fan on putting caps on people's participation.\r\n\r\nPoems:\r\n\r\n[b]Moonfairy[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nThe mournful winter releases life\r\nFrom its duty for a season,\r\nSome view it as death,\r\nBut I view it as with a reason.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nAn excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion. There's a refreshing open-endedness in that last line that I really enjoy. Rather than insisting on explaining the paradoxical first line, it simply leaves one with the thought and then nothing else.\r\n\r\n[b]thisisnotanalt[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nhoping against a ninja here,\r\nmy motives and chances still unclear.\r\nwill I survive, and live in calm?\r\nor be crushed by my fate as a ticking time bomb?\r\n\r\nhoping against a ninja here,\r\nit's coming down to my worst fear.\r\ngrab for the problem, try and try\r\nbut when you lose, don't sit and cry.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nFail line selection turned out win poem. Somehow it reminded me of the Ninja Kami point and click game. Good rhyme, and a freestyle flow to boot, something that's hard to do but is unmistakably alt.\r\n\r\n[b]pHacon[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nThe tile reflected what I knew\r\nFor all I knew, trouble would brew.\r\nSeeing myself, that aged reflection,\r\nI realized what it was to find perfection.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nI laughed after reading those last two lines: They flowed quite well for a first line, and it's a good spin on the old "Too smart for your own good".\r\n\r\n[b]aknerd[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nWould we put the weapon down?\r\nAnd bow before the traitor's Crown?\r\nOr raise our shield and brandish our sword\r\nA new army for the true lord?\r\n\r\nIf only the choice was ours\r\nAnd not left to the hateful stars.\r\nFor all our pride had long been drown\r\nAnd so we lay the weapon down.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nA polished poem (excepting the grammar error in the second to last line)...I'm still trying to figure out what belief this poem is espousing. Theism? Deism? Atheism? All these elements seem to be mixed until the last two lines.\r\n\r\n[b]Moonfairy[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nBut why me?\r\nI have always asked myself\r\nWhat crime did I commit,\r\nThat would make me deserve this?\r\n\r\nI was always true\r\nTo you\r\nAnd then you left me out of the blue\r\nTears ran down my face\r\nMy heart was ripped in two\r\n\r\nSo here I am wondering\r\nWhat Did I Do Wrong?\r\nTrying to figure out\r\nWhy my life\r\nIs a heart break song.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nSimply worded, and using a cliche or two, but that last stanza really hits to the heart of anyone who's had their heart broken. That second-to-last short line in particular really builds up to that last line.\r\n\r\n[b]pHacon[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nFields of Green\r\nStretching on forever\r\nLike the joy of my heart,\r\nThey sing.\r\n\r\nSkies of Blue\r\nSo high yet so deep\r\nWhere do you lead?\r\nTo happiness.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nI picture Louis Armstrong's grovelly voice belting out "What a Wonderful World" while reading this poem. The ends of each stanza are especially comforting. Is it their length or their directness that make it so?\r\n\r\n[b]Avorne[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nDays passed\r\nUnder the sun\r\nYour smooth touch\r\nUpon my skin\r\n\r\nYears passed\r\nIn the rain\r\nI no longer\r\nFeel your touch\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nEach line in each stanza is the complete opposite of each other. It only makes it all the more striking.\r\n\r\n[b]MoonFairy[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nAtop a cliff\r\nI wonder\r\nStaring down into the water\r\nWhat it would feel like,\r\nThose few seconds of free falling\r\n\r\nFear?\r\nAdrenaline?\r\nTerror?\r\nThrill?\r\n\r\nI might just take the jump\r\nTo find out.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nThat finality in those last lines really does convey the feel of the jump...in those words, I think, all four of those emotions appear. Very well writ.\r\n\r\n[b]aknerd[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nAs the bird chirps\r\nMillions are massacred\r\nAs the wolf howls\r\nBillions are born\r\nAs the Whale sings\r\nMultitudes will mourn\r\nAs the Eagle shrieks\r\nLegions will laugh\r\n\r\nBut as a baby cries\r\nNone will notice\r\nAs Silence falls\r\nAll will arise\r\nHumanity is Always\r\nLast to listen\r\nOur voice obscured\r\nOur ears extinguished\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nIn Scandinavian and Old English poetry, the predominant style of poetry was actually alliterative...and this poem certainly has that feel. I've fixed a spelling error or two, but that last stanza is chilling. \r\n\r\n[b]pHacon[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nStarry skies,\r\nThe beauty of the cosmos.\r\nHow does it feel\r\nTo look back in time?\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nShort poem is short, but short poem is big too.\r\n\r\n[b]slayguy8[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nIt was the slow death of a million papercuts\r\nthe next one hurt more than the last\r\nthe feeling of slowly bleeding out\r\nyou didnt picture this to end this way\r\nall because of a million papercuts\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nA poem about death by a million papercuts...I simply marvel at how grave and how flippant this poem is at the same time. I know that's not a skill I have.\r\n\r\n[b]Gantic[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nHelp us escape\r\nCardboard prisons\r\nWe've grown too big\r\nPlease help, children\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nBefore I continue, for all you AG poets that have just joined us, Gantic is probably the most versatile poet around these parts. Go consult him for what is good poetry. As for this poem, it reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes when they use corrugated cardboard boxes as tools of imagination...what do we do when we lose it though?\r\n\r\n[b]CommanderDude7[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nI glimpsed a burst of happiness\r\nAs my oppenent thought he had victory\r\nI glanced at my cards\r\nAnd wondered what he had\r\nWhatever it was\r\nCould it beat a full house?\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nA good twist to pull on a good line. An excellent rendition of putting thoughts into words.\r\n\r\n----\r\n\r\nThanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.

89 Replies

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted November 7, '10 8:51pm UTC

Kyo, the mushroom one was amazing. xD
I hope that like one of mine can be listed in here! Woo!

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Parsat

2,180 posts

Blacksmith

Posted November 8, '10 7:13am UTC

Volume 1, Issue 4

Parsat's note: Well, it only took three months, but we did it! Another 10 pages worth of spontaneous poetry. A big thanks to Kyouzou for the sudden revival, and for all of you who have been participating. I hope it has been a big help to you in developing your imaginations. As usual, the disclaimer comes first.

Disclaimer: I repost poetry in the same regard as a poem would be reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your own intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit. If you hold objection with me reposting your poetry, please contact me in my comments. Thank you.

Poems:

Kyouzou

We don't need to play 'em.
All you gotta do is...
Straight up tell 'em
The truth

I like the direct, no-nonsense feel of this one. Might not have really been going anywhere, but this is some pretty good advice that more people need to follow.

Gantic

Summer draws to close
So does the flight of chicken men
Heralding the adipose
Finger lickin' hen

Mmm...adipose...my favorite. Gotta get that soul food in, it's starting to get chilly around here.

Jezz

I forgot I existed,
I couldn't see me at all.
For infront of the mirror,
Stood a girl oh so small.

And her eyes, they were blackened,
And her fingers were bone,
And she looked so afraid,
So forlorn, so alone.

As she shook her tiny head,
So miniscule for her age,
Her tattered clothes swung,
From her prominent ribcage.

And when the girl noticed me,
And screamed as loud as she could,
I knew the girl was an echo,
Of my early childhood.

That last line really put a twist in the end...you think you've seen the specter of death, but it was really that your childhood was never alive to begin with. 'Tis a sad fate indeed.

OperationNilo

Don't you see?
You are her slave.
Her prisoner.
With her you will never be free!

Leave her, she ain't the one,
search for someone else,
that has a better attitude,
and a better self.

Some of the best advice that was ever given on a thread here on AG. Might have been a bit lacking in the "artistic word" category, but man, does it speak the truth.

kingryan

Nonsense poems are so awesome,
Flibbidy flobbidy do!
I left my house in a chocolate ship,
My tyres will soon come true!

The elephant trance is really deep,
I must confess my dark underwear!
My eyebrow ate a large turnip,
Like the flamingo at the fair.

Your spark plug lit a concrete flute,
The wives were very wolf-like.
The engine room is glittery,
I ate and died by a pike.

Ah...this brings me back to the days of bogan-hunts and failprizes from Strop. You're still the master of the failpoem, kingryan. (Although for all you other poets, let it be known that kingryan's is a grognard when it comes to the art of meter-and-rhyme.)

Teeheegirl123

The cry echoes loud,
Both noble and proud,
It is heard by the folks
Of the animal crowd

Some called out to respond,
Some just lazily yawned
And the oblivious fish
Just stayed still in their pond

The cry sharply stopped,
Close by something popped,
And with one final sound,
Down the unfortunate beast dropped

This peace has this very undeniable charm with it...maybe it's the choice words, maybe it's the excellent rhyme or the Seussian anapestic. Whatever the case, this one put a smile on my face. (Rhyme completely unintended, screw you Seuss)

Gantic

Reflection of my life
Found in candy galore
Candy canes and candied ginger,
Lollipops with tootsie core,
Zebra and bazooka gum,
Bubblepop and more,
Gobstoppers, butterscotch,
Pixie sticks and licorice,
Gummy bears, gummy worms,
Gummy sharks and gummy fish,
Rock hard Jolly Ranchers,
Soft chews in a dish,
Jelly Bellies of all flavors,
Life Savers, peppermints,
Lemonheads and pucker candy
Sour to make you wince,
Red hots and spicy ones
Down with milk to rinse,
And White Rabbit Creamy Candy
Wrapped in paper waxed and rice
Smooth and sweet upon the tongue
Worth the dollar price.
When going out for groceries,
It was something nice.

So many sweet memories...especially White Rabbit! If you weren't a Chinese child of the 90s, sorry to say that you'll never have a chance to taste this delectable treat. A scandal with tainted baby formula made in the same factory has ended its run.

EnterOrion

It's a conspiracy, a lie!
When men are sent to die.
Love is lost upon running blood,
Sought to victory of the flood.

Seeking treasure, of the land,
Seeking death, on the sand.
Ready to die for what they know not,
Soon to let their corpses rot.

Blood creeps into the sun,
Lost to die by the gun.
Slaughtered bodies for all that's lost,
Our treasure won, but great the cost.

The meter could be tightened just a little, but this provides a very crimson, hard view of the blood shed for economic exploitation. That last line is particularly powerful in its use of rhetorical omission of words. Well done.

Kyouzou

In the mornings I find that I

Can not help but marvel at the
Sheer beauty found in a new day

The crystalline drops of dew
hanging upon a delicate web

Icy frost, that covers the
greenery with a white blanket

A fiery sun lingers upon our horizon
The light of a new dawn shining on us

The very separated stanzas gave me the feel of looking at a series of little dew drops or flakes of frost...something beautiful to behold in itself.

SheWhoMustNotBeNamed

I ate so much I think I'll burst.
Doughnuts, cakes and tarts be cursed.

I ate so much I'm feeling queasy--
Head is reeling; stomach's uneasy.

I ate so much I think I'll die
But wait! There's still more pecan pie!

Just one more bite, thats all I need,
It's too much! I think *KABLOOM*

I just love the Shel Silverstein feel of this poem, the little random couplets that just keep adding up and adding up until they flash with humor.

Hypermnestra

"Do you think the lemon's tasty?"
He asked of her, the reply
"Tell the truth, I think it's nasty."
"Well, at least you didn't lie."

"Sir, do you like pickle juice?"
"Young man, I do not know."
"I can't unscrew the lid, it's not loose-"
"Thanks sir, now you can go."

"Ma'am, would you eat dark chocolate?"
"Well I guess I eat it now and then." "[/i]
"But I'm not exactly in love with it.
"Thanks, and don't forget to send your friends!"

"Boss, the results are in and they are clear."
"Peoples' perception of disgusting foods-"
[i]"You actually did that, Mr. Dweeb-Fear?"
"It was just a prank, seriously dude."

I really like your whimsical poems, Hyper...they remind me a lot of Lewis Carroll's, with the unusual words and the struggle between rational and irrational worlds.

Lintire

The blade pierced his back,
Or, was it yours?
To be betrayed by the dozen,
That's part of lore.

The blade, the blade!
What a distress,
To be betrayed by a brother,
who, under duress,

Cracked, went insane,
Fell like no other,
Stabbed you for money,
To pay for your mother.

When stabbed in the back,
Be sure to carry money,
For, while you will die,
At least you can pay for honey.

Please welcome our newcomer Lintire, who weaves a very interesting, dramatic narrative with a well-done fixed form. I just really love that last line especially...it makes you wonder what honey (or honeys) it's talking about. I've got my own interpretation, but that's the brilliance of it, I suppose.

MRWalker82

The faded lines
Gently kissed horizon's edge
The sight lures me yet reminds
Time is fleeting, on its way
How I long to caress those hills one day
Alas age and health do not permit
If only I had just one wish
I'd turn back the clock of life
And see what wonders do lie
Just beyond the faded lines

I liked the multiple meanings that were conveyed by your word choice...those hills and lines and wonders are all subject to the interpretation of the imaginative mind, which is what FLP is all about.

CommanderDude7

Grecian symptoms provoke
And yet are not limited to
Wondering about exisitence
Musing on poetry
Making up nonsense
Putting said nonsense into to poems
Hoping no one notices
And always results in a case of the mondays

Props to Zaork for the Keats reference for the first line, and props to CommanderDude7 for submitting a very different style of poem. The tongue-and-cheek satire was done very well.

Hypermnestra

Why can't you die?!?!?
Immortality, your curse
Fading away is your life
And dying is your cure

You've tried and tried again to live
But now you can only hope to die
You can't return this cursed gift
Your life is now your lie

Your burden is heavy, your heart as well
Your eternal fear of burning in hell
Gone forever, but now you know
That hell is on earth, and now you can't go

Questionable punctuation usage on the part of CommanderDude7, but we'll let it slide. The idea of a hellish immortality is by all means not a new one, but it was explored very well in this poem, I thought.

jezz

Can you hear me now?
I use half of my voice to speak.
And if I even go to work,
I work for half of the week.
And when you glance across the room,
You catch just half of my stare.
Check out my shadow on the wall,
There's only half of it there.
Put your hand against my chest,
And feel just half of a beat.
And watch me hop across the room,
With only one of my feet.
I need the other half of me,
I don't know how I get by,
When I can only see the world,
Through just one half of my eye.

A haunting but truthful look at unrequited love. The imagery is impeccable.

Hypermnestra

Every news page says more of the same thing
"We're making progress, we're recovering."
Every news page will tell the same old tale
Never would they tell you, Uncle Sam has failed

"A murderer executed by firing squad."
But what they don't tell you, is it's all a facade
"Another oil spill, again caused by BP!"
But they never report on the harsh reality

The tabloids will tell you other peoples' mistakes
"Lohan arrested again, it's the breaks!"
But they never consider what's really important
Not celebrities or fashion or any assortment

Some might tell you about politics and such
"Tea Party v. Obama...wish them good luck!"
But only you can know what's important to you
And that's what you make it, your life as you choose

A jab at the media is always appreciated, and I really marveled at how you managed to keep a consistent poetic form here. The message in the last two lines were straight shooting too, something else that I liked.

kingryan

The passion runs like blood,
It drips right down the door.
The handle stained and bloody,
The wounds now dressed raw.

The night before was fire,
This morning is now ice.
A blade sharp with malice,
A handle gripped in vice.

Two stabs, not one nor three,
Ticks of the clock break quick.
Depart fast soul - torn in two,
Covered the tiles, horrible sick.

While it keeps traditional form, there is rebellion all under the surface. The message is not standard, the usage of visual rhyme is not standard, the nongrammatical last stanza is not standard...and yet it manages to convey an unusual power and passion of its own, unlike a lot of rebellious poetry nowadays.

Ninja Spy Science Guy and Ninja'd Poets
knight_34:

I'm the ninja spy science guy,
I zip to work in red dye ties.
My occupation's full of lies,
The stakes of this deadly game are high.

Hypermnestra:

I'm the ninja spy science guy
If you ask who I am, that's what I'll reply
I'm black ops with a black belt
I know jujitsu, and I'll kick you to hell

If you do happen to kidnap me
I'll free myself with some HNO3
And if you happen to NOT give me that Nobel Prize
I'll pour HBr right into your eyes

I like to do kickflips shaped like integral curves
But because I'm a spy, there's no one that has heard
Of my epic skills, now that is just sad
And it makes the ninja spy science guy mad

I'm related to Einstein, Pascal, and Pythagoras all
I've been to London, Moscow, L.A., and Nepal
I've kidnapped the governor and blackmailed his wife
Then called Ian Fleming for the movie rights

I'm the ninja spy science guy
If you ask who I am, that's what I'll reply
I have a black belt, a badge, and a Ph.D
The ninja spy science guy, yeah, that is me

Parsat:

I'm the ninja spy science guy!
Wearing a lab coat and ninja black tie
I'm skilled at stealth kills and speedy evasion
As much as I am with differential equations!
My shuirukens move at the speed of light
As I calculate their swift path flight.

Props to MoonFairy for a first line so epic it lead to two different poets getting ninja'd. I readily concede that my ninja spy science guy's differential equations were integrated and his swift shuirukens corroded with nitric acid by Hyper's. Maybe we should form a Charlie's Angels-esque group?

----

Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.

[b]Volume 1, Issue 4[/b]\r\n\r\n[b]Parsat's note[/b]: Well, it only took three months, but we did it! Another 10 pages worth of spontaneous poetry. A big thanks to Kyouzou for the sudden revival, and for all of you who have been participating. I hope it has been a big help to you in developing your imaginations. As usual, the disclaimer comes first.\r\n\r\nDisclaimer: I repost poetry in the same regard as a poem would be reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your own intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit. If you hold objection with me reposting your poetry, please contact me in my comments. Thank you.\r\n\r\nPoems:\r\n\r\n[b]Kyouzou[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nWe don't need to play 'em.\r\nAll you gotta do is...\r\nStraight up tell 'em\r\nThe truth\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nI like the direct, no-nonsense feel of this one. Might not have really been going anywhere, but this is some pretty good advice that more people need to follow.\r\n\r\n[b]Gantic[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nSummer draws to close\r\nSo does the flight of chicken men\r\nHeralding the adipose\r\nFinger lickin' hen\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nMmm...adipose...my favorite. Gotta get that soul food in, it's starting to get chilly around here.\r\n\r\n[b]Jezz[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nI forgot I existed,\r\nI couldn't see me at all.\r\nFor infront of the mirror,\r\nStood a girl oh so small.\r\n\r\nAnd her eyes, they were blackened,\r\nAnd her fingers were bone,\r\nAnd she looked so afraid,\r\nSo forlorn, so alone.\r\n\r\nAs she shook her tiny head,\r\nSo miniscule for her age,\r\nHer tattered clothes swung,\r\nFrom her prominent ribcage.\r\n\r\nAnd when the girl noticed me,\r\nAnd screamed as loud as she could,\r\nI knew the girl was an echo,\r\nOf my early childhood.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nThat last line really put a twist in the end...you think you've seen the specter of death, but it was really that your childhood was never alive to begin with. 'Tis a sad fate indeed.\r\n\r\n[b]OperationNilo[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nDon't you see?\r\nYou are her slave.\r\nHer prisoner.\r\nWith her you will never be free!\r\n\r\nLeave her, she ain't the one,\r\nsearch for someone else,\r\nthat has a better attitude,\r\nand a better self.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nSome of the best advice that was ever given on a thread here on AG. Might have been a bit lacking in the "artistic word" category, but man, does it speak the truth.\r\n\r\n[b]kingryan[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nNonsense poems are so awesome,\r\nFlibbidy flobbidy do!\r\nI left my house in a chocolate ship,\r\nMy tyres will soon come true!\r\n\r\nThe elephant trance is really deep,\r\nI must confess my dark underwear!\r\nMy eyebrow ate a large turnip,\r\nLike the flamingo at the fair.\r\n\r\nYour spark plug lit a concrete flute,\r\nThe wives were very wolf-like.\r\nThe engine room is glittery,\r\nI ate and died by a pike.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nAh...this brings me back to the days of bogan-hunts and failprizes from Strop. You're still the master of the failpoem, kingryan. (Although for all you other poets, let it be known that kingryan's is a grognard when it comes to the art of meter-and-rhyme.)\r\n\r\n[b]Teeheegirl123[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nThe cry echoes loud,\r\nBoth noble and proud,\r\nIt is heard by the folks\r\nOf the animal crowd\r\n\r\nSome called out to respond,\r\nSome just lazily yawned\r\nAnd the oblivious fish\r\nJust stayed still in their pond\r\n\r\nThe cry sharply stopped,\r\nClose by something popped,\r\nAnd with one final sound,\r\nDown the unfortunate beast dropped\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nThis peace has this very undeniable charm with it...maybe it's the choice words, maybe it's the excellent rhyme or the Seussian anapestic. Whatever the case, this one put a smile on my face. (Rhyme completely unintended, screw you Seuss)\r\n\r\n[b]Gantic[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nReflection of my life\r\nFound in candy galore\r\nCandy canes and candied ginger,\r\nLollipops with tootsie core,\r\nZebra and bazooka gum,\r\nBubblepop and more,\r\nGobstoppers, butterscotch,\r\nPixie sticks and licorice,\r\nGummy bears, gummy worms,\r\nGummy sharks and gummy fish,\r\nRock hard Jolly Ranchers,\r\nSoft chews in a dish,\r\nJelly Bellies of all flavors,\r\nLife Savers, peppermints,\r\nLemonheads and pucker candy\r\nSour to make you wince,\r\nRed hots and spicy ones\r\nDown with milk to rinse,\r\nAnd White Rabbit Creamy Candy\r\nWrapped in paper waxed and rice\r\nSmooth and sweet upon the tongue\r\nWorth the dollar price.\r\nWhen going out for groceries,\r\nIt was something nice.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nSo many sweet memories...especially White Rabbit! If you weren't a Chinese child of the 90s, sorry to say that you'll never have a chance to taste this delectable treat. A scandal with tainted baby formula made in the same factory has ended its run. :(\r\n\r\n[b]EnterOrion[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nIt's a conspiracy, a lie!\r\nWhen men are sent to die.\r\nLove is lost upon running blood,\r\nSought to victory of the flood.\r\n\r\nSeeking treasure, of the land,\r\nSeeking death, on the sand.\r\nReady to die for what they know not,\r\nSoon to let their corpses rot.\r\n\r\nBlood creeps into the sun,\r\nLost to die by the gun.\r\nSlaughtered bodies for all that's lost,\r\nOur treasure won, but great the cost.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nThe meter could be tightened just a little, but this provides a very crimson, hard view of the blood shed for economic exploitation. That last line is particularly powerful in its use of rhetorical omission of words. Well done.\r\n\r\n[b]Kyouzou[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nIn the mornings I find that I\r\n\r\nCan not help but marvel at the\r\nSheer beauty found in a new day\r\n\r\nThe crystalline drops of dew\r\nhanging upon a delicate web\r\n\r\nIcy frost, that covers the\r\ngreenery with a white blanket\r\n\r\nA fiery sun lingers upon our horizon\r\nThe light of a new dawn shining on us\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nThe very separated stanzas gave me the feel of looking at a series of little dew drops or flakes of frost...something beautiful to behold in itself.\r\n\r\n[b]SheWhoMustNotBeNamed[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nI ate so much I think I'll burst.\r\nDoughnuts, cakes and tarts be cursed.\r\n\r\nI ate so much I'm feeling queasy--\r\nHead is reeling; stomach's uneasy.\r\n\r\nI ate so much I think I'll die\r\nBut wait! There's still more pecan pie!\r\n\r\nJust one more bite, thats all I need,\r\nIt's too much! I think *KABLOOM*\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nI just love the Shel Silverstein feel of this poem, the little random couplets that just keep adding up and adding up until they flash with humor.\r\n\r\n[b]Hypermnestra[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\n"Do you think the lemon's tasty?"\r\nHe asked of her, the reply\r\n"Tell the truth, I think it's nasty."\r\n"Well, at least you didn't lie."\r\n\r\n"Sir, do you like pickle juice?"\r\n"Young man, I do not know."\r\n"I can't unscrew the lid, it's not loose-"\r\n"Thanks sir, now you can go."\r\n\r\n"Ma'am, would you eat dark chocolate?"\r\n"Well I guess I eat it now and then." "[/i]\r\n"But I'm not exactly in love with it.\r\n"Thanks, and don't forget to send your friends!"\r\n\r\n"Boss, the results are in and they are clear."\r\n"Peoples' perception of disgusting foods-"\r\n[i]"You actually did that, Mr. Dweeb-Fear?"\r\n"It was just a prank, seriously dude." \r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nI really like your whimsical poems, Hyper...they remind me a lot of Lewis Carroll's, with the unusual words and the struggle between rational and irrational worlds.\r\n\r\n[b]Lintire[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nThe blade pierced his back,\r\nOr, was it yours?\r\nTo be betrayed by the dozen,\r\nThat's part of lore.\r\n\r\nThe blade, the blade!\r\nWhat a distress,\r\nTo be betrayed by a brother,\r\nwho, under duress,\r\n\r\nCracked, went insane,\r\nFell like no other,\r\nStabbed you for money,\r\nTo pay for your mother.\r\n\r\nWhen stabbed in the back,\r\nBe sure to carry money,\r\nFor, while you will die,\r\nAt least you can pay for honey.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nPlease welcome our newcomer Lintire, who weaves a very interesting, dramatic narrative with a well-done fixed form. I just really love that last line especially...it makes you wonder what honey (or honeys) it's talking about. I've got my own interpretation, but that's the brilliance of it, I suppose.\r\n\r\n[b]MRWalker82[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nThe faded lines\r\nGently kissed horizon's edge\r\nThe sight lures me yet reminds\r\nTime is fleeting, on its way\r\nHow I long to caress those hills one day\r\nAlas age and health do not permit\r\nIf only I had just one wish\r\nI'd turn back the clock of life\r\nAnd see what wonders do lie\r\nJust beyond the faded lines\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nI liked the multiple meanings that were conveyed by your word choice...those hills and lines and wonders are all subject to the interpretation of the imaginative mind, which is what FLP is all about.\r\n\r\n[b]CommanderDude7[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nGrecian symptoms provoke\r\nAnd yet are not limited to\r\nWondering about exisitence\r\nMusing on poetry\r\nMaking up nonsense\r\nPutting said nonsense into to poems\r\nHoping no one notices\r\nAnd always results in a case of the mondays\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nProps to Zaork for the Keats reference for the first line, and props to CommanderDude7 for submitting a very different style of poem. The tongue-and-cheek satire was done very well.\r\n\r\n[b]Hypermnestra[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nWhy can't you die?!?!?\r\nImmortality, your curse\r\nFading away is your life\r\nAnd dying is your cure\r\n\r\nYou've tried and tried again to live\r\nBut now you can only hope to die\r\nYou can't return this cursed gift\r\nYour life is now your lie\r\n\r\nYour burden is heavy, your heart as well\r\nYour eternal fear of burning in hell\r\nGone forever, but now you know\r\nThat hell is on earth, and now you can't go\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nQuestionable punctuation usage on the part of CommanderDude7, but we'll let it slide. The idea of a hellish immortality is by all means not a new one, but it was explored very well in this poem, I thought.\r\n\r\n[b]jezz[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nCan you hear me now?\r\nI use half of my voice to speak.\r\nAnd if I even go to work,\r\nI work for half of the week.\r\nAnd when you glance across the room,\r\nYou catch just half of my stare.\r\nCheck out my shadow on the wall,\r\nThere's only half of it there.\r\nPut your hand against my chest,\r\nAnd feel just half of a beat.\r\nAnd watch me hop across the room,\r\nWith only one of my feet.\r\nI need the other half of me,\r\nI don't know how I get by,\r\nWhen I can only see the world,\r\nThrough just one half of my eye.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nA haunting but truthful look at unrequited love. The imagery is impeccable.\r\n\r\n[b]Hypermnestra[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nEvery news page says more of the same thing\r\n"We're making progress, we're recovering."\r\nEvery news page will tell the same old tale\r\nNever would they tell you, Uncle Sam has failed\r\n\r\n"A murderer executed by firing squad."\r\nBut what they don't tell you, is it's all a facade\r\n"Another oil spill, again caused by BP!"\r\nBut they never report on the harsh reality\r\n\r\nThe tabloids will tell you other peoples' mistakes\r\n"Lohan arrested again, it's the breaks!"\r\nBut they never consider what's really important\r\nNot celebrities or fashion or any assortment\r\n\r\nSome might tell you about politics and such\r\n"Tea Party v. Obama...wish them good luck!"\r\nBut only you can know what's important to you\r\nAnd that's what you make it, your life as you choose\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nA jab at the media is always appreciated, and I really marveled at how you managed to keep a consistent poetic form here. The message in the last two lines were straight shooting too, something else that I liked.\r\n\r\n[b]kingryan[/b]\r\n[quote]\r\nThe passion runs like blood,\r\nIt drips right down the door.\r\nThe handle stained and bloody,\r\nThe wounds now dressed raw.\r\n\r\nThe night before was fire,\r\nThis morning is now ice.\r\nA blade sharp with malice,\r\nA handle gripped in vice.\r\n\r\nTwo stabs, not one nor three,\r\nTicks of the clock break quick.\r\nDepart fast soul - torn in two,\r\nCovered the tiles, horrible sick.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nWhile it keeps traditional form, there is rebellion all under the surface. The message is not standard, the usage of visual rhyme is not standard, the nongrammatical last stanza is not standard...and yet it manages to convey an unusual power and passion of its own, unlike a lot of rebellious poetry nowadays.\r\n\r\n[b]Ninja Spy Science Guy and Ninja'd Poets[/b]\r\nknight_34:\r\n[quote]\r\nI'm the ninja spy science guy,\r\nI zip to work in red dye ties.\r\nMy occupation's full of lies,\r\nThe stakes of this deadly game are high.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nHypermnestra:\r\n[quote]\r\nI'm the ninja spy science guy\r\nIf you ask who I am, that's what I'll reply\r\nI'm black ops with a black belt\r\nI know jujitsu, and I'll kick you to hell\r\n\r\nIf you do happen to kidnap me\r\nI'll free myself with some HNO3\r\nAnd if you happen to NOT give me that Nobel Prize\r\nI'll pour HBr right into your eyes\r\n\r\nI like to do kickflips shaped like integral curves\r\nBut because I'm a spy, there's no one that has heard\r\nOf my epic skills, now that is just sad\r\nAnd it makes the ninja spy science guy mad\r\n\r\nI'm related to Einstein, Pascal, and Pythagoras all\r\nI've been to London, Moscow, L.A., and Nepal\r\nI've kidnapped the governor and blackmailed his wife\r\nThen called Ian Fleming for the movie rights\r\n\r\nI'm the ninja spy science guy\r\nIf you ask who I am, that's what I'll reply\r\nI have a black belt, a badge, and a Ph.D\r\nThe ninja spy science guy, yeah, that is me\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nParsat:\r\n[quote]\r\nI'm the ninja spy science guy!\r\nWearing a lab coat and ninja black tie\r\nI'm skilled at stealth kills and speedy evasion\r\nAs much as I am with differential equations!\r\nMy shuirukens move at the speed of light\r\nAs I calculate their swift path flight.\r\n[/quote]\r\n\r\nProps to MoonFairy for a first line so epic it lead to two different poets getting ninja'd. I readily concede that my ninja spy science guy's differential equations were integrated and his swift shuirukens corroded with nitric acid by Hyper's. Maybe we should form a Charlie's Angels-esque group? :D\r\n\r\n----\r\n\r\nThanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted November 8, '10 10:14pm UTC

Props to MoonFairy for a first line so epic it lead to two different poets getting ninja'd.

Sweetness.
Can't wait for the next digest thingie ma bob!

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Kyouzou

5,061 posts

Jester

Posted November 9, '10 12:10am UTC

I was mentioned twice!

I can't seem to beat that record for some reason...

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slayguy8

718 posts

Peasant

Posted November 9, '10 1:52am UTC

no poems of me :{

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CommanderDude7

4,689 posts

Nomad

Posted November 9, '10 2:26am UTC

lol I forgot all about that poem. I must have had the mojo going that day. Time to post that on my profile.

offline

kingryan

4,196 posts

Farmer

Posted November 9, '10 7:12am UTC

kingryan's is a grognard

I had to look up 'grognard' - but it seems that it is a complement.

Thanks for the positive feedback as well as the effort that you put into this Parsat!

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Hypermnestra

26,390 posts

Nomad

Posted November 10, '10 4:13am UTC

Props to MoonFairy for a first line so epic it lead to two different poets getting ninja'd.

*takes nonexistent cap off*

I readily concede that my ninja spy science guy's differential equations were integrated

Bwahaha.
Also; I didn't notice this until watching the Psych episode that stated it, but does not the integral sign look like a big curvy s?
$http://pic.blog.plover.com/tex/integrals.gif$
And then when you're looking to write down the area under the curve xy...it'd look like SXY.
Teehee. That seems a little bit juvenile of me, but appropriate regardless. After all, when's the last time you saw an ugly spy? Never. xP

and his swift shuirukens corroded with nitric acid by Hyper's.

Again, bwahahahaha. HNO3 ftw.

Maybe we should form a Charlie's Angels-esque group?

YES.
YESYESYES a million times.
I'm not much one for Charlie's Angels, but that sounds like so much win it doesn't matter. =,D
Crying of teh win overdose.

[quote]Props to MoonFairy for a first line so epic it lead to two different poets getting ninja'd.[/quote]\r\n*takes nonexistent cap off* \r\n[quote]I readily concede that my ninja spy science guy's differential equations were integrated[/quote]\r\nBwahaha.\r\nAlso; I didn't notice this until watching the Psych episode that stated it, but does not the integral sign look like a big curvy s?\r\n[img]http://pic.blog.plover.com/tex/integrals.gif[/img]\r\nAnd then when you're looking to write down the area under the curve xy...it'd look like SXY.\r\nTeehee. That seems a little bit juvenile of me, but appropriate regardless. After all, when's the last time you saw an ugly spy? Never. xP\r\n\r\n[quote]\r\n and his swift shuirukens corroded with nitric acid by Hyper's. [/quote]\r\nAgain, bwahahahaha. HNO3 ftw. \r\n[quote]Maybe we should form a Charlie's Angels-esque group? :D[/quote]\r\nYES.\r\nYESYESYES a million times. \r\nI'm not much one for Charlie's Angels, but that sounds like so much win it doesn't matter. =,D\r\nCrying of teh win overdose.

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Parsat

2,180 posts

Blacksmith

Posted November 12, '10 1:42am UTC

LOL'd after seeing Ray Ardent Science Ninja because I was thinking about this.

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Kyouzou

5,061 posts

Jester

Posted November 12, '10 2:03am UTC

Haha I did the exact same, Moon can see the future

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted November 12, '10 5:38am UTC

Well, I am a fairy that has all the cosmic powers of the mooooooooooon. Which includes seeing the future.

I will explain.
I was watching PBS. Bill Nye the Science Guy. (BILL BILL BILL BILL)
and at the same time I was watching Ninja Assassin on the laptop.
Thus, the Ninja Spy Science Guy was born.

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Parsat

2,180 posts

Blacksmith

Posted November 12, '10 4:40pm UTC

Bill Nye the Science Guy is actually coming over next Tuesday to my campus to speak! One of the perks of college.

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slayguy8

718 posts

Peasant

Posted November 14, '10 3:01am UTC

i think we are moving fast because we are on page 46

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MoonFairy

3,386 posts

Shepherd

Posted November 14, '10 9:20pm UTC

Lucky.... >,>
Anyways, when is the next digest thingie comin out?

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slayguy8

718 posts

Peasant

Posted November 14, '10 10:38pm UTC

when we are page 50 and we are at 48

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