Parsat's note: First line poetry has proven more interesting to read than I thought. It's interesting to see what spontaneous thoughts arise...in choosing poetry for this digest I don't look so intently at form as many of you are accustomed to me doing. Rather, I chose poems I thought displayed a real germ of thought and feeling. Included as always is a little critique; after all, I expect to give away something more substantial than bragging rights.
I mean no disrespect by reposting your poem here; I do it in the same regard in the same way that poems are reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit.
If it seems a few poets are mentioned more than others, consider that it was because they wrote more. If the poem's good, it goes here; I'm not a fan on putting caps on people's participation.
Poems:
Moonfairy
The mournful winter releases life From its duty for a season, Some view it as death, But I view it as with a reason.
An excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion. There's a refreshing open-endedness in that last line that I really enjoy. Rather than insisting on explaining the paradoxical first line, it simply leaves one with the thought and then nothing else.
thisisnotanalt
hoping against a ninja here, my motives and chances still unclear. will I survive, and live in calm? or be crushed by my fate as a ticking time bomb?
hoping against a ninja here, it's coming down to my worst fear. grab for the problem, try and try but when you lose, don't sit and cry.
Fail line selection turned out win poem. Somehow it reminded me of the Ninja Kami point and click game. Good rhyme, and a freestyle flow to boot, something that's hard to do but is unmistakably alt.
pHacon
The tile reflected what I knew For all I knew, trouble would brew. Seeing myself, that aged reflection, I realized what it was to find perfection.
I laughed after reading those last two lines: They flowed quite well for a first line, and it's a good spin on the old "Too smart for your own good".
aknerd
Would we put the weapon down? And bow before the traitor's Crown? Or raise our shield and brandish our sword A new army for the true lord?
If only the choice was ours And not left to the hateful stars. For all our pride had long been drown And so we lay the weapon down.
A polished poem (excepting the grammar error in the second to last line)...I'm still trying to figure out what belief this poem is espousing. Theism? Deism? Atheism? All these elements seem to be mixed until the last two lines.
Moonfairy
But why me? I have always asked myself What crime did I commit, That would make me deserve this?
I was always true To you And then you left me out of the blue Tears ran down my face My heart was ripped in two
So here I am wondering What Did I Do Wrong? Trying to figure out Why my life Is a heart break song.
Simply worded, and using a cliche or two, but that last stanza really hits to the heart of anyone who's had their heart broken. That second-to-last short line in particular really builds up to that last line.
pHacon
Fields of Green Stretching on forever Like the joy of my heart, They sing.
Skies of Blue So high yet so deep Where do you lead? To happiness.
I picture Louis Armstrong's grovelly voice belting out "What a Wonderful World" while reading this poem. The ends of each stanza are especially comforting. Is it their length or their directness that make it so?
Avorne
Days passed Under the sun Your smooth touch Upon my skin
Years passed In the rain I no longer Feel your touch
Each line in each stanza is the complete opposite of each other. It only makes it all the more striking.
MoonFairy
Atop a cliff I wonder Staring down into the water What it would feel like, Those few seconds of free falling
Fear? Adrenaline? Terror? Thrill?
I might just take the jump To find out.
That finality in those last lines really does convey the feel of the jump...in those words, I think, all four of those emotions appear. Very well writ.
aknerd
As the bird chirps Millions are massacred As the wolf howls Billions are born As the Whale sings Multitudes will mourn As the Eagle shrieks Legions will laugh
But as a baby cries None will notice As Silence falls All will arise Humanity is Always Last to listen Our voice obscured Our ears extinguished
In Scandinavian and Old English poetry, the predominant style of poetry was actually alliterative...and this poem certainly has that feel. I've fixed a spelling error or two, but that last stanza is chilling.
pHacon
Starry skies, The beauty of the cosmos. How does it feel To look back in time?
Short poem is short, but short poem is big too.
slayguy8
It was the slow death of a million papercuts the next one hurt more than the last the feeling of slowly bleeding out you didnt picture this to end this way all because of a million papercuts
A poem about death by a million papercuts...I simply marvel at how grave and how flippant this poem is at the same time. I know that's not a skill I have.
Gantic
Help us escape Cardboard prisons We've grown too big Please help, children
Before I continue, for all you AG poets that have just joined us, Gantic is probably the most versatile poet around these parts. Go consult him for what is good poetry. As for this poem, it reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes when they use corrugated cardboard boxes as tools of imagination...what do we do when we lose it though?
CommanderDude7
I glimpsed a burst of happiness As my oppenent thought he had victory I glanced at my cards And wondered what he had Whatever it was Could it beat a full house?
A good twist to pull on a good line. An excellent rendition of putting thoughts into words.
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Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.
We've just reached 500 at FLP, but this week is proving especially busy for me in terms of exams and more exams. It may be delayed until Friday or Saturday, but it'll definitely come, so I beg your patience. Thanks.
As it happens, I do have two chemistry exams on the morrow: A lab exam and a class exam. The former is open note though, so that shouldn't be a problem. Now the quantum stuff is a different story...
Well, here we are, at 500+ posts to the FLP thread and at the start of a new volume! Never would have thought that it was so enjoyable. A real thanks to all who've participated for the round.
Disclaimer: I repost poetry in the same regard as a poem would be reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your own intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit. If you hold objection with me reposting your poetry, please contact me in my comments. Thank you.
Poems:
Hypermnestra
The mighty power of the mind A strength I hope you soon shall find Science, history, language, math Necessary for future and past
The educated mind is strong Stronger than looks, or words, or brawns The mind is what's brought us so far From the core of the Earth to the stars
Someday, what do you want to be? The star that you see on TV? They'll be forgotten in a year For that, the scientist never fears
Pasteur, Jenner, Lister, and Salk Monroe, West, Gable, and-halt! Which do you know, the first, doctors? Or the second line, the actors?
The mighty power of the mind Empowers all of humankind I can only hope they will see That mind will overcome TV
A pretty good spontaneous rhyme/meter poem. Only power that won't run out with humans around is brainpower, as they say.
CommanderDude7
The last crow calling The last man dead The last tree fallen The last sight seen The last end
If you're going to write a poem about the end, it seems to me that drawing it out doesn't really have the best effect. I really like the way this poem breaks its original flow at the end and turns it abrupt.
crazyrussian97
Love like mad, hate like none With a heart as hot as a blazing sun Like a lover, like a fighter, Let love's flames burn all the brighter Heart in hand I stand ablaze And let love guide me through my days
Let's welcome crazyrussian97 into the AMW! The rhyme was impeccable, and the lines were very powerful and direct. I could really feel the raw passion in the poem burn, especially in the line "let love's flames burn all the brighter." That was excellent execution there.
Zaork
The smell of whiskey Mixed with the scotch A hint of gin And also Hops
A whiff of vodka The stench of rum Lilting drambuie There goes the drum
Merry Christmas Aunty Kerryn
Drunken relatives always make for some interesting times...Zaork seems quite well versed with his potent potables.
crazyrussian97
Why are you here? Has my time already come? Bah, you cannot instill fear Inside my heart, for I have none.
Your black garments are worn, Your visage is naught but a void Am I to feel afraid, forlorn? Because I feel rather annoyed.
Leave at once, you'll scare my guests, For they still have their hearts Which beat with life in all their chests. Leave, I've no time for arrogant upstarts.
Not me? Then who? The cat? Go ahead, he'll still have eight left. He's unsociable and fat, So I wouldn't feel too bereft.
I really like the narrator perspective here. It's tongue and cheek but ballsy at the same time, and unlike a lot of poetry here, very hostile towards death rather than accepting of it. Sometimes it just needs a kick in the nuts anyway.
Hypermnestra
Crumbling sandcastles in the sand Washed away by the waves of the sea Built by the labor of tiny hands Only for the sea to wash them clean
Ceaseless labor for hours, unending To construct the mighty sand castle But now its doom is soon impending Drowning the knights, kings, and the vassals
Man, now I feel sorry for all the sand castles I let the sea sweep away. The last line was extremely well done, and I have to commend the castle/vassal rhyme. An excellent image of futility.
kingryan
Your semi-good looking, Or really should that be "you're?" The whole internet seems confused, I guess that's why you're unsure.
I could say "your beautiful," But I'd have to finish with something you own, Like your puppy; your icecream; your toilet; Your kitten; your dino; your bone.
I could try to say you're toilet, But "you are" not to flush. So no you're dog or cat or hamster, Or you're a dodgy toilet brush.
It's simple and it makes sense, You're is "You are," you see. Follow it with a compliment, The recipitant will be filled with glee.
And your describes belonging, Follow it with some sort of stuff, End with a noun not an adjective, No more saying your tough.
The rules are simple and now clear, My goal is to simply find, Correct you're and your on the Internet, Come, and together we'll improve mankind.
Message well received, fellow Grammar Nazi/Comma-nist! The best written poetic diatribe I've read in a long while.
Faunbard
The buzzards circled around dead an act of violence and a lesson to all
Let's welcome Faunbard to FLP! Here's a short one, but with an excellent "last line twist," so to speak. The ambiguity is the most alluring part.
crazyrussian97
Life in your hands, But lacking in your eyes. For you are but a craftsman Who's forced to live the lies.
Your rendered works are beauties, Your hand divinely skilled. yet these are naught but duties; Your spirit's long been killed
An empty, hollow shell whose creations Have more life than their master. Success brings no elations To your soul, befallen by disaster.
I think this poem really relates the fear that has driven countless artists and poets mad or suicidal. When the creator is no more, or even less than its own creation, there is a struggal where the weakest cannot survive. So I think this poem really hits in that sort of universal sense.
CommanderDude7
Life as it is Through a cynical eye Becomes a bunch of atoms Swirling around Through an optimist's eye The atoms are people Living and dying Striving to be all they can be
It's kind of a funny thing...I couldn't help thinking about the physical chemistry that I'm learning at school right now. I suppose we're all a bunch of orbitals floating around, but at the same time, all those orbitals want are a bit of stability. Heh, so much like humans to anthropomorphosize everything...
aknerd
Did just run him over? My smiling dog; My Rover
A stranger speeding down the street Would be preferable The enemy in another seat
But when the killer's hands are mine The blame turns within Grief and anger combine
But now his life is over My only dog my Rover.
For a poem with a dog named Rover, this is pretty freakin' disturbing. The thing that frightens me the most is the image of the smiling dog. For some reason I keep putting a Glasgow smile on the dog.
waluigi
Its nearly over this pain that I've suffered for so long now
My time has come I'm going home now all I must do is close my eyes and I'll be there
It's nearly over
Written shortly in the aftermath of a death...I think that's what FLP is here for, to provide an outlet for instant, spontaneous expression. It's very simple and not particularly artsy, but I think the circumstances make it very genuine to me.
Well, that's all for this issue! Comments, suggestions, questions, and criticisms all welcome. Thanks for reading!
