Parsat's note: First line poetry has proven more interesting to read than I thought. It's interesting to see what spontaneous thoughts arise...in choosing poetry for this digest I don't look so intently at form as many of you are accustomed to me doing. Rather, I chose poems I thought displayed a real germ of thought and feeling. Included as always is a little critique; after all, I expect to give away something more substantial than bragging rights.
I mean no disrespect by reposting your poem here; I do it in the same regard in the same way that poems are reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit.
If it seems a few poets are mentioned more than others, consider that it was because they wrote more. If the poem's good, it goes here; I'm not a fan on putting caps on people's participation.
Poems:
Moonfairy
The mournful winter releases life From its duty for a season, Some view it as death, But I view it as with a reason.
An excellent take on a great line by EnterOrion. There's a refreshing open-endedness in that last line that I really enjoy. Rather than insisting on explaining the paradoxical first line, it simply leaves one with the thought and then nothing else.
thisisnotanalt
hoping against a ninja here, my motives and chances still unclear. will I survive, and live in calm? or be crushed by my fate as a ticking time bomb?
hoping against a ninja here, it's coming down to my worst fear. grab for the problem, try and try but when you lose, don't sit and cry.
Fail line selection turned out win poem. Somehow it reminded me of the Ninja Kami point and click game. Good rhyme, and a freestyle flow to boot, something that's hard to do but is unmistakably alt.
pHacon
The tile reflected what I knew For all I knew, trouble would brew. Seeing myself, that aged reflection, I realized what it was to find perfection.
I laughed after reading those last two lines: They flowed quite well for a first line, and it's a good spin on the old "Too smart for your own good".
aknerd
Would we put the weapon down? And bow before the traitor's Crown? Or raise our shield and brandish our sword A new army for the true lord?
If only the choice was ours And not left to the hateful stars. For all our pride had long been drown And so we lay the weapon down.
A polished poem (excepting the grammar error in the second to last line)...I'm still trying to figure out what belief this poem is espousing. Theism? Deism? Atheism? All these elements seem to be mixed until the last two lines.
Moonfairy
But why me? I have always asked myself What crime did I commit, That would make me deserve this?
I was always true To you And then you left me out of the blue Tears ran down my face My heart was ripped in two
So here I am wondering What Did I Do Wrong? Trying to figure out Why my life Is a heart break song.
Simply worded, and using a cliche or two, but that last stanza really hits to the heart of anyone who's had their heart broken. That second-to-last short line in particular really builds up to that last line.
pHacon
Fields of Green Stretching on forever Like the joy of my heart, They sing.
Skies of Blue So high yet so deep Where do you lead? To happiness.
I picture Louis Armstrong's grovelly voice belting out "What a Wonderful World" while reading this poem. The ends of each stanza are especially comforting. Is it their length or their directness that make it so?
Avorne
Days passed Under the sun Your smooth touch Upon my skin
Years passed In the rain I no longer Feel your touch
Each line in each stanza is the complete opposite of each other. It only makes it all the more striking.
MoonFairy
Atop a cliff I wonder Staring down into the water What it would feel like, Those few seconds of free falling
Fear? Adrenaline? Terror? Thrill?
I might just take the jump To find out.
That finality in those last lines really does convey the feel of the jump...in those words, I think, all four of those emotions appear. Very well writ.
aknerd
As the bird chirps Millions are massacred As the wolf howls Billions are born As the Whale sings Multitudes will mourn As the Eagle shrieks Legions will laugh
But as a baby cries None will notice As Silence falls All will arise Humanity is Always Last to listen Our voice obscured Our ears extinguished
In Scandinavian and Old English poetry, the predominant style of poetry was actually alliterative...and this poem certainly has that feel. I've fixed a spelling error or two, but that last stanza is chilling.
pHacon
Starry skies, The beauty of the cosmos. How does it feel To look back in time?
Short poem is short, but short poem is big too.
slayguy8
It was the slow death of a million papercuts the next one hurt more than the last the feeling of slowly bleeding out you didnt picture this to end this way all because of a million papercuts
A poem about death by a million papercuts...I simply marvel at how grave and how flippant this poem is at the same time. I know that's not a skill I have.
Gantic
Help us escape Cardboard prisons We've grown too big Please help, children
Before I continue, for all you AG poets that have just joined us, Gantic is probably the most versatile poet around these parts. Go consult him for what is good poetry. As for this poem, it reminded me of Calvin and Hobbes when they use corrugated cardboard boxes as tools of imagination...what do we do when we lose it though?
CommanderDude7
I glimpsed a burst of happiness As my oppenent thought he had victory I glanced at my cards And wondered what he had Whatever it was Could it beat a full house?
A good twist to pull on a good line. An excellent rendition of putting thoughts into words.
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Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, suggestions all welcome in this thread.
gosh.... none of my poems again! ive gave some of those firsst lines... and i really cant write better.... well guess im done writin.... so ya see ya ppl else where
Well I guess I have taken over the digest! I hope everyone will be happy!
By;1337player
This is a new day. The sun shines and I'm feeling happy.
I walk outside to feel the cool breeze that blows upon me. Relaxing.
I take a stroll. My lungs fill with air. Liveliness.
I go home to my bed for a harmonious sleep covered by the blankets. Peace.
This poem made me feel like I was there and I liked the form of this poem! Keep it up.
By; Icyindia
Dark green sweatshirts, flying past my door.
I'm not so cold that you may need to rub it in my face. An untruth that's simply idiotic.
Why should I be nice to you, when you're being a total hypocrite?
You pulled it off again! I liked the rythme of this poem. It sounds like horses hooves running. A different first line, to a piece of art.
Snug tight in a snowdrift, sleeping away, A snowflake rests, keeping warmth at bay. Warmth would be its downfall, Destroying what it lives in, Destroying its hopes, its dreams, and all that it believes in
You are the leader of the fourm! I always like your work> All of your peoms have good form and a nice flow to them.
By; waluigi
When I see you my heart beats faster out of sudden panic as I know my end is near
I must run its my only chance to escape my coming fate but I know I will not make it
and now this world fades to black but before I leave I hear laughter you are laughing death is laughing
Very dark, I like it. Gives me an idea about a murder scene. I liked the end becuse it gave the poem a good tight ending.
This pain I feel neverending someone make it stop
Now the world turns to black pain is over
i can feel the pain stopping for this animal. This poem has life. This poem isnt just words on paper. This should have a frame.
By; fuwon
I say everything, you say nothing.
That's how its been for a while, maybe next time i can make you smile. amen.
When I read this first line i expected it about love, but it was about god(s). I liked the grace of this poem.
By; nemo12
This desolate feeling Has my stomach reeling. Sweat covering my body. I can really use somebody
Like IcyIndia said way too short but i liked the little bit that is here. Has nice flow to it. Cool!
By; Kuouzou
Be cool. Be calm. Be collected.
Traits in a leader. Marks of legends.
Be cool. Be calm. Be collected.
Philosophy to live by. Mantra to recite.
Be cool. Be calm. Be collected.
Even though this wasnt the first line said it was still i a good poem. I like the pattern to it. It was almost song like. Keep writing
By; slayguy8 (yes i know this IS myself)
War comes now, not later declared today fighting not tomorrow a one day war
all day all night many shots few deaths
over nothing yet everything no winner no loser War is nothing
Then so is life
I know this is myself. I like the style of this poem that the lines are easy said ant to the point.
By; Aurialis
The rain falling from the darkened sky, opened up and brought forth the eye, of the one who protects both the earth, and every soul that she does birth.
i thought it was a quality poem. Im glad it rhymed and made sense.
By; PoetryHere
My stomach twists, nauseated. It's that feeling that I've hated. It's coming back to haunt me, I'm beginning to lose what I see. I fall over, having fainted. That part of my life was tainted.
Nice ending and a cool story. This poem was a shoo in for here good job!
Oh and MoonFairy you said that one of my poems sounded like a song. Maybe it was Day Nobody died (or something like that) by nickelback?
I ended on page 71 so the next one will be at 81 pages ENJOY!
I figured I would post poems from pages 51-59. I hope that my efforts are satisfactory and close to the standards set by Parsat.
Disclaimer: I repost poetry in the same regard as a poem would be reposted in a contest judging. I acknowledge that your poetry is your own intellectual property. As no one objected to me making a digest, I have assumed that by posting in the thread you allow me to compile your poem if I see fit. If you hold objection with me reposting your poetry, please contact me in my comments. Thank you.
Jess, page 51
The fear of death, The feeling never leaves you at all, The whole ride to the hospital, Close your mouth, shut your eyes tight and crawl.
Closing in on every side, Patients in their prison, they cry, You never did shut your ears to the sound, You always kept both ears to the ground.
It didn't used to hurt before, But you couldn't say that any more. Got the memory of white light, gripping tight, Forced to sleep, don't let the mad men bite.
They used a needle for the pain. Bore a hole for the centre of your brain. Crawling back down the corridor, to the door, Open for the longing that you don't ignore.
Quiet for the car ride home, You're doing better on your own. Cross your heart and hope you don't fall, You left your fear of death at the hospital.
Painting a distinct image in the mind of the reader Jess shows the horror one can feel in the confines of a hospital. I wasn't quite sure about the way you approached this one. You seem to paint the hospital as a dreaded place but the last stanza proclaims that it is a place where people are healed and then move on.
Reton8, Page 52
The King lays down his pearly crown. To fix his hair with a golden brush. One hundred strokes through locks of flowing brown. To keep his hair shining, straight, and lush.
The peasant needs a new barn door. But, selling crops won't cover the cost. The crown is left vulnerable on the floor. One barn door gained and one crown is lost.
There is a lesson to be learned. Before you toss and brush your flowing locks. Put your crown in a safe place. Or you gonna get burned (sukcaaaa!)
As a humourous approach to the first line, Reton8 warns the reader of the price of vanity. Advice which stretches back from the time of peasantry and barn doors.
CommanderDude7, page 52
Id prefer an apple over an orange And a cow over a horse Somethings are just meant to be however So I am left with an orange and a horse I dont let that get me down so I make Some juice and a bottle of glue
With a very literal and logical problem-solution, CommanderDude7 shows that every problem can be overcome. I wonder what flavour juice horse makes?
Waluigi, page 53
Calling forth the silver waves of light bringing them in, blasting them out a thousand times stronger the physic wars have begun
constant pain driving through the soldiers' heads and all of them are living yet at the same time dying their minds pushed to the max
no one's left with stable minds from this war worse than all insanity from the pain affecting more and more till there's no one left
The war is over now no sane men left except a lucky few the world is now a mess from the physic war
From a man who dropped out of physics in his first week this poem shows to me a dystopian future wherein man controls all elements. A science fiction dream provides the backdrop to horrifying nightmares that plague the occupants of this world.
IcyIndia, page 53
A bittersweet victory Though I managed to push you away And though you seem to like to say that way I'm pulling you back
You seem oblivious to my feelings It's strange How I care so much for you yet you don't even look twice. I wish we could talk But You would only laugh And I wouldn't say a word just walk out.
You're too popular. You've got your gang of girls to laugh with But I have no such thing.
I wish I never had to push you away But that was your choice, not mine So, no thank you.
It's so hard Seeing you every day But I guess I just have to deal With seeing you So happy Not spending a second Thinking of me
So this victory Is bittersweet. I pushed you away But I want you to stay And, it is so difficult to see you every day Happy, without Me.
It was difficult for me to interpret this poem. I wasn't sure of the relationship of the protagonist to the antagonist. This hinges on the gender of the protagonist. Reminding me of my own troubles in life and love IcyIndia is able to create feeling and empathy for the character through this free-verse poem.
Moonfairy, page 54
The whispers of the ocean, Calm my fiery mind. Anger at the world, Is lost in its soft tides. Throw yourself, Into this world of peace. Refreshment from the rest of the Earth, To say in the least. Swim through the soft waves, And relax as you float. You are on your own, Using yourself as your boat. Let the ocean guide you, Let it take you away. It will keep you from the land, It will keep your rage at bay.
A peaceful and soothing poem makes for a nice break from the overwhelming death themed ones. I actually closed my eyes halfway through this and just imagined myself floating on the 'soft waves'. Nice job.
1337Player, page 56
Dried leaves on the ground, make so much sound when you step on them.
My parents tell me to rake the leaves. But I say can I not do them, please? They force me to rake the leaves.
I finally was done but my work had just begun, because wind blew the leaves away.
The second stanza demanded me to include this poem in the digest. Such swift storytelling shows humour within the choice of words and structure. A great inclusion.
Wolf1991, page 58
Don't burst my bubble! Quick quick to the zidery doo Only that shall save the bubble from trouble. Oh dear, oh my oh what have you done?! Another few moments and my bubble is Done, gone for kaput evermore! No joy for me, tears will flood this floor. And drown drown all shall be drowned... All because, you bursted the worsted of all troubles You friend...burst my bubble.
Now sit back, relax and have a quick seat I'll start from your head and work to your feet. What's that? oh my! You're starting to leak Don't worry, don't fret We'll be less than a week! Too long you say? Oh dear oh no! Oh well, too bad you'll just have to go The quickest of quicks and speedys of speeds Have no fear I'll look after your needs. Now, dear "friend" ignore my laugh It cackles you say? I gahuff and galaff?
Hehe what fun and soon to be double. Oh dear my friend I've burst your bubble...
A fantastical flittering flurry of words and alliteration advances this piece. I hold this as one of my favourite submissions of all time. With a Seussesque twist. Recently some friends and I had tried to write a poem/story in this distinct style. It was rubbish. I envy your skill. Great job.
So that's it. I had fun reviewing these although it was hard work. If you like what I have done then merely tell me and I will continue. Until then the reigns are free. Comments, suggestions, questions, and criticisms all welcome. Thanks for reading!
In all actuality, that was supposed to be "sychic wars". I had to use spell check on that word and the computer thinks that it is supposed to be physics.
