Because you asked me to post this on the thread, I'll just c/p what I told you already.
I like pretty much everything I saw in here, the first one was a little hard for me to understand, I'm not that good with personification.
The others simply told me things as I saw them, there's not much that I can really say in criticism, constructive or otherwise. Sorry. Tampering with the truth goes against my morals.
Seriously guys? It can't be that terrible...can it?
It isn't I just really can't think of anything to say to it.
I was asked to "be harsh" by Kyouzou, so here goes:
I'm not really good at judging poetry at the best of times, particularly when they're freeform, and I don't understand what makes good poetry, either. Or maybe I'm missing something here. Whatever it may be, my impression of the two works on the first page are that they don't seem like poems. Or maybe they are, given the body of work out there which could also be called poetry. I just think they'd fit better into some kind of speech, as they aren't evocative to me so much as they are imperatives.
Retribution Through air, through wind Through earth, through rock Through fire, through flame Through water, through wave
The elements shall rise up, and unite against humanity Chaos and anarchy flourish in their wake The harbingers of our destruction
As the wind howls, a city is destroyed As the earth shudders, a country is shattered As the mountain explodes, a continent is frozen As the sea revolts, the world is drowned
We were warned, yet we did not listen Thus divine retribution has been dealt unto us Now we must repent or suffer the consequences
An edited version of retribution, i.e. there is another stanza now.
I disagree. As the dwarf Orik once said, "Fame or infamy, either is preferable to being forgotten when you pass from this realm." What I mean is that what you do matters beyond death, in memory.
Ah, but there are those who are indeed forgotten. There are those, who made no impression on anybody, be it good or bad. Either way, what I don't understand is why you even brought that up. The poem was about the futility of evading or escaping death.
