I don't know why I am not actually using my other thread but yeah... this thread and whatever I will put on it will be about war.... which is my main inspiration...
first poem!
history of war pt. 1
It started when man slid stone against stone when jabbed to a man to death he moaned men discovered a useful tool thats the day it began its rule a genius one discovered fire now humanity is only dire It started by hunting and getting meat it did it in too much of a regular repeat Then men happily discovered greed we are the demons, we are indeed leader of tribe was stabbed in chest the assassin discovered the rest as he took over the tribe with no hesitation he took it without any real invitation and discovered he could obtain more power he started planning every hour so he can take over more men and space he made bad the human race
and so men discovered swords and spears men discovered more ignorant fears and started forming different and more complex tribes men started killing, taking bribes and one nice summer day a man told another to obey and another bad feature was added the city tribes of men were flooded with no rain but greed and war nature shall never again adore for a city wanted another cities space and so it massacred an entire race just to get some easy money now no body thinks its funny man came up with armed cavalry this is one sad history of how started nations to fight each-one another now every body knows what a bother the horrible situation we got ourselves in the human race is nothing but mean when a king enslaved his entire kingdom humanity never knew a word called "freedom"
I like it velociraptor... The only thing that I don't like much is some long lines, like
and started forming different and more complex tribes
They are a bit annoying. In that case maybe it would be better removing "different" or "more complex". But I totally fail at poetry, don't listen to my suggestion too much lol
Actually, gaboloth was right, that was a bit complicated and not in a very good way.
yeah... now waking actually waking up to discover what I did last night (and no, not getting drunk) I think I better fix it... the poems.... songs.... the piece of writing with me flailing about my sentences and describing how our world sucks....
yet again... here is a go at free versing (may god kill me now... I have no depressed inspiration... maybe I should delay this to 3am...)
Soldiers in the swamp Mortars on the soldiers getting ready to meeting their nightmare threat do not regret the tinker sound of a nickle rifle adores the man's stories of war dolls played by generals and bodies on the muddy floor of a village that got covered in fire and napalm detonate destruction for the ancestry of death
Tanks topple Tunisia Iran fights Israel armloads explode in distance when soldiers' cries un heard yet still mere death awaits only guns, no glory brother where are you found dead in the mess body thrashed in explosion knees knit together with blood dire scent of people dieing souls stay within the mother's cruel memories she cannot forget of brother banned from the world and little one laughing manically for he feels no agony of war
blood, spitting on the floor from the base of my chest a bullet stuck between A medic memorizing data of how to heal a wounded man that maybe already dead and cautiously fearing that the same situation could further happen to him and he is cornered in combat with the reinforcements reaching and the man threats to kill him with a bullet to the chest with blood spitting on the floor
