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Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → Short Story Contest - Theme: Discovery/Exploration (Page 16)

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silvermoon123
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silvermoon123
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The rules are simple; write a short story based off of the current theme. The story should be posted in one post, keeping with the shortness, or else the judges will be confused. Also, if you would like to make multiple entries, please note which you would like to have judged. Give all stories a title.

Winners of each round will choose a theme for the next.

If you would like to become a judge, pipe up now.

The current theme is: Ninjas!

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MusicMan102
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MusicMan102
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I think you should wait to the deadline to judge. It said in the beginning that you were allowed to resubmit. If you get bored, and judge somebody's a week before the deadline, they have no chance to do so. I don't think the judging is bad, it's awesome, but you really should wait or change the original rule.


I thought this too and I mentioned it in one of my posts....DV had already judged one piece and it would be unfair to have one person judged differently than the others. Hopefully with the next theme this will be fixed.


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DeadlyVelociraptor's Almost Dead

Setting:

The Emperor's Palace area? Thats about all the reader was given for a place and there was no real time given.

1/10

Plot:

Pretty good. I was able to follow it and it peaked where it needed to peak and it fell where it needed to fall. I just wished that it peaked higher (I guess would be the way to say it). The climax could have been a little more detailed and descriptive. There also could have been a better exposition that described the characters more in depth.

7/10

Characterization:

We weren't given any solid physical descriptions, but we were given some insight into each character's personality through their actions and dialogue. For the most part they were static, even though you tired the twist on Sukodotori that could have also been done better.

6/10

Showing, not telling:

There was just enough to keep me reading. The reader was able to visualize scenes, but just barely. Use more imagery of the background and external objects.

4/10

Grammar, punctuation, spellin, etc. :

I saw a few wording issues, some punctuation errors, and a few misspelled words.

7/10

Concept:

I saw a concept and was able to follow it, but it still could have been given more or reworded in a way that would draw the reader in more.

3/10

Overview:

It's a general "Double-Agent" story fit into the category of "Ninjas". There could have been more twist to it or less twist to it just to bring it out of that mainstream category.

~4.6/10 (my numbers are weird because I straight calculate them like a percentage ;D )

I'll get to more later and resubmit my own. (Workweeks keep me busy :S )
MusicMan102
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MusicMan102
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polly357's A Tale of Two Ninjas (Oh, and a murderer)

Setting:

All we got was a building of some sort, somewhere.

0.5/10

Plot:

Pathetically done. These little side jokes that the characters have takes up too much of the story and what very little plot you had became weakened. The basic idea was weak to begin with, but then you cluttered it up.

0.5/10

Characterization:

Wasn't there. Your characters were static and boring. The only insight we got into their minds was the childish jokes they made.

1/10

Grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. :

Well since you messed up your quotes both times it's kind of hard what to say about that. Supposing that you used perfect punctuation for them I still think that they would have been a little confusing to the reader. You used too many simple sentences, that if you had combined would have been good.

4/10

Showing, not telling:

Pretty lacking here. Your descriptions are too short and your characters don't seem to be capable of complex thought. Everything is too simple and it doesn't really draw in the reader, much less, paint a scene in the reader's mind.

2/10

Concept:

Barely any real concept. "We're ninjas. We kill a murderer. We make a lot of jokes. We kill him with a gun." There's your story.

0/10

Overview:

You need to make an initial plot that makes sense and stick to it. Elaborate upon your idea and don't clutter the piece.

~0.13/10

:S

DeadlyVelociraptor
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DeadlyVelociraptor
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Hah, mine does suck
Yeah, I didn't put setting cause I was too lazy :P

I really don't like the whole "Ninja" thing, it gives you nothing to work with.

jacksonghuntington
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jacksonghuntington
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I think thats the point, to leave it open and mysterios. maybe thats just me... haha. oh crap. bed time.

silvermoon123
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silvermoon123
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Just so all you people know, don't be baffled if my judgments aren't posted on the tenth. I have music concert for my orchestra that may or may not take up most of the evening. Apologies for any lack of devotion displayed on my behalf. -_-"

MusicMan102
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MusicMan102
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Just so all you people know, don't be baffled if my judgments aren't posted on the tenth. I have music concert for my orchestra that may or may not take up most of the evening. Apologies for any lack of devotion displayed on my behalf. -_-"


Music always comes first.

No problem, DV and I will keep the thread running and judge everybody so that all you'll have left is DV's and my re-submittion (yet to come).
TRUdog
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TRUdog
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Come on, people! Step it up! I want to see real stories, not short concept-stories!

It's kinda hard to do that with something like, say, ninjas.
Also, I think you guys are being a bit rough. These people aren't professional authors, and I think thats what you are expecting them to be like. They are simply teenagers, who are doing this for fun. So, please. Just let up.
DeadlyVelociraptor
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DeadlyVelociraptor
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It's kinda hard to do that with something like, say, ninjas.
Also, I think you guys are being a bit rough. These people aren't professional authors, and I think thats what you are expecting them to be like. They are simply teenagers, who are doing this for fun. So, please. Just let up.


I know, that's why the standard is so low.

Take it for example the highest score so far was 4.5/10.
jacksonghuntington
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jacksonghuntington
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just hope music man judeges me well!!!

Ghgt99
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Ghgt99
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The Legend of Capola

It was a long time ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth a single egg hatched from under a fern. This egg was known as Capola or The Sacred One in the language of the dinosaurs. Capola grew up and became the leader of his tribe of T-Rex's.

One day when the tribe was at the watering hole a pack of Velociraptor's came and attacked the tribe. Capola told the other dinosaurs to run,and Capola was captured.

The Velociraptor's tortured Capola. They then captured and killed all of the dinosaurs so they could rule the world. When Capola heard this he knew he was the last dinosaur. So he called upon the his Sacred One powers and brought a meteor crashing down on the Earth. This wiped out all the Velociraptors and Capola in an instant.

This is why in what is now Brazil,they found a lone T-Rex skeleton surrounded by Velociraptors.

Ghgt99
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Ghgt99
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Just a question, are there themes or do you just write a story?

howlett
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howlett
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Ghgt99 wrote:
Just a question, are there themes or do you just write a story?


silvermoon123 wrote:
The current theme is: Ninjas!
The deadline is March 10th.


Hopefully, that answers your questions.
Ghgt99
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Ghgt99
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Oh. Now I feel like an idiot. =P

I will wait till the next theme, I am not in a ninja mood right now.

MusicMan102
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MusicMan102
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It's kinda hard to do that with something like, say, ninjas.
Also, I think you guys are being a bit rough. These people aren't professional authors, and I think thats what you are expecting them to be like. They are simply teenagers, who are doing this for fun. So, please. Just let up.


A professional author would destroy every aspect of the stories written thus far. I know how teenagers are graded for their writings and am trying to be lenient. The bar has been set low enough for the average high-school student, the problem is that most people here have just come up with a story and submitted without going through a revision stage and checking every aspect that needs to be checked. Any real literary work takes a day or two at least (besides short poetry like haikus).
howlett
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howlett
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I'm currently working on mine, I'll try to have it in before the deadline.

Also, would there be a maximum length for the story?

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